


THE RENEGADE ADORED

by sinnerman



Category: Mass Effect
Genre: F/F, F/M, Other
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-01-25
Updated: 2011-01-25
Packaged: 2017-10-15 02:10:48
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 39
Words: 52,970
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/155927
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sinnerman/pseuds/sinnerman
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>This is the story of an irresistible woman who never resisted what was offered to her.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. KAIDAN: BLUE EYES MET BROWN, AND THE WORLD STOPPED.  (SOMETHING HEARD ONCE, A LONG TIME AGO.)

"Oh! Dammit! Whoah!"  
The telltale rattle of a government issue chair toppling over made Kaidan rush in to the mess, just in time to catch a new crewmember before she hit the floor. "You okay?" He looked down at the woman in his arms, and everything in his world changed.  
She was pale, paler than any human he'd ever seen before. Her skin was the color of those luscious flowers that grew all over the Louisiana Territory. Her eyes were the blue of an Arctic glacier, over a pert little nose and beautiful cheekbones. She looked as though her hair should have been black, but instead, it was an amazing silvery-blonde like nothing he had never seen before. Her lips were red, and from an angry frown they curved into a little smile.  
"Thank you!" she said uncertainly, and he helped her stand up. She was watching his eyes, and he felt like he was drowning in them.  
Kaidan swallowed, trying to remember what the world was like before he had laid eyes on her. "Sure, anytime... what were you doing anyway?" As he asked, he noticed that she was barely regulation height. He glanced over at the shelves and saw that the peanut butter was on the top shelf as usual. He blinked, stood still for a moment.  
"Some jerk put the peanut butter on the top! I'm starving, I've spent all day in stupid allocation and resource meetings. I need a snack."  
"You're... you're a biotic?"  
She nodded, looked at him warily.  
Kaidan just stared at her for a second. "I'm sorry, I've never worked on a crew with another biotic before." His brain finally kicked in, and he held out his hand. "Lieutenant Kaidan Alenko, Sentinel."  
She giggled, something he really hadn't expected. "I'm sorry, it's just...." She ignored his outstreched hand, pulled away and assumed a formal military posture. "Commander Hayden Shepard, Vanguard." She gazed curiously at him, waiting for his reaction with a knowing little smirk on her face.  
"I... I thought you would be bigger...." Inwardly, Kaidan groaned at how stupid he sounded. "I apologize. It's a pleasure to meet you, ma'am." He held out his hand again.  
Her gorgeous blue eyes widened for a second. "I... uh...okay...." She shook his hand finally. Her hands were soft and warm, and ridiculously small for her reputation. "The pleasure is mine, Lieutenant. I admit, I was expecting you to react a little differently, considering."  
"I'm honored to work with someone who has such an impressive service history, Commander. I don't think I would ever have the strength to make the kind of choices you have."  
She stared at him for a moment, unsure if he was really sincere, but unable to doubt the truth in his voice. "Well... than-" she put a hand up to her head and swayed. "Oooh...."  
"Oh! Right, food... here," he pulled a chair up for her. "Sit down, I'll make you a sandwich. Would you like some juice or something?"  
She nodded, settled herself into the chair. "Apple, if they have any. I knew I should have just smuggled in some extra rations."  
Kaidan set a glass of apple juice on the table for her. "Here, take this before your blood sugar drops any lower." He got down the jar of peanut butter, and starting making the traditional biotic midnight snack. "I always wonder, how long did it take the Alliance brass to figure out an easy way to deploy a compact, easily digestible, high-calorie, high-protein food for biotics?"  
She laughed, a silvery little laugh that sent thrills down his spine. "I'm sure they sat around discussing it for months, ending every sentence with 'you know, like peanut butter!'"  
Kaidan chuckled, and set a peanut butter and jelly sandwich on the table in front of her. "You did want jelly, right?"  
"Yes, thank you!"  
He watched her take a bite of her sandwich, and when he was satisfied that she wasn't going to pass out, he started making one for himself. He set his own plate on the table, and poured himself a glass of orange juice. He looked over again, and was surprised to see that she was watching him while she ate.  
"I'm sorry for staring," she explained, "I really expected you to run away by now once the field medic stuff was over."  
"Why?" His confusion was genuine, and he sat down at the table.  
She set down her sandwich, having taken the edge off her blood sugar spike. "You do realize, I'm the Shepard from Torfan, right? I just don't want you to puke up your food or something after you realize you've been sitting at the same table as the Butcher of Torfan."  
"Has that actually happened to you?" he asked curiously. With a quiet courtesy that was almost defiant, he took a bite of his sandwich and had a sip of his drink.  
"Yes."  
"That seems like a very immature reaction, Commander."  
She shrugged, took another experimental bite of her sandwich and pretended not to watch him from beneath her long, darkened lashes.  
"I'm too old, and more importantly, too hungry right now - to do anything so asinine. Sorry if you're disappointed," he said with a smile.  
She looked down at her plate for a moment. "I... um..." She bit her lower lip in a quick nervous reaction. "I'm more surprised than anything. And... um... I'm very pleased to have someone like you on board, Lieutenant." She stood up swiftly, and carried her empty plate and glass to the mess waste reclaimer. "Thank you... for the sandwich. I appreciate it." Without another word, she turned and left the mess.  
Kaidan exhaled, realized that he had been unconsciously holding his breath. What an amazing woman, he thought to himself. So powerful, and yet so vulnerable. And so insanely beautiful. She was the most amazingly exotic woman he had ever seen after a lifetime of being surrounded by strong, dark women.  
Kaidan Alenko didn't really believe in love at first sight, or at least he hadn't. But he'd never imagined meeting someone like Hayden Shepard. He still wasn't sure she really existed. Could that petite, frail frame really be the hardened soldier who had sent her men to their deaths? Could those tiny hands really be the ones that had collapsed caves on top of living men, turning underground bunkers into mass graves? Was that shy little voice the same one that had refused to accept the surrender of beaten pirates and slavers, and had instead condemned them to slow, lingering deaths? And more than that, he couldn't believe that he knew all that about her, and yet he still knew she was most beautiful, fascinating woman that he had ever met.


	2. KAIDAN: HIS EYES ARE LIKE EVERYTHING GOOD ABOUT EARTH.  (SOMETHING HEARD ONCE, A LONG TIME AGO.)

"Would you mind telling me a little bit more about this Lieutenant?"  
Hayden paced around the room, and didn't immediately answer. She hated her cognitive behavioral therapy sessions, but knew she had to do them in order to continue serving. "He's nice." She sat down abruptly, looked over at the doctor, then stood up again and walked around the room some more. "We've talked a few times. He's always the same, he's always nice to me. He even makes the other crewmembers be nice to me."  
"That's very impressive."  
Hayden picked up random things and put them down again without noting what they actually were. "He knows I'm not... a nice person, why is he nice to me all the time?"  
The doctor smiled oddly. "I'm afraid you'll have to ask him that question, Shepard. I can't tell you."  
"It's confusing! I don't understand!"  
"No, I don't expect that you would."  
Hayden glared sharply at the doctor. "It's not fair."  
"I'm sorry, but it's something you're going to have to figure out for yourself."  
"What?" She stopped moving and stared at the doctor. "You're supposed to be helping me! You know I don't understand people! I don't get it!"  
"Yes," he said with some amusement, "but this is just one of those things that medical science can't explain. Either you make sense of it, or you don't."  
"But what happens if I don't?"  
The doctor shrugged. "You'll probably just move on with your life."  
"But...." Hayden stared desperately at the floor, trying to break through the wall in her mind that kept her from seeing and feeling things in the same way as normal humans. She didn't want to say it, she didn't even want to imagine going back to a life that didn't have Kaidan Alenko in it. No matter how far away he was, just knowing he was there, that he existed... "I really hate you sometimes."  
The doctor laughed, a genuine laugh that made Hayden look over in surprise. "I'm sorry, that was unexpected. Would you like to talk about something else?"  
"Yes." She picked up a stylus, put it down again. "No! I want... I don't know." She sighed, and blurted out the first thing that came into her head. "He has the most wonderful eyes, you know? It's like... he's the only person who actually looks at me. Sees me. I'm never sure what to do when I'm talking to him."  
"Just be yourself."  
Hayden put her hands to her head and made an angry noise. "But I'm a psychopath!"  
"No, you're not. Not at all. You kill people for reasons, and within certain specified limits, remember?" The doctor moved some papers around. There was nothing on them. They were just props, like everything else in the room, for Hayden to touch and disorganize when she got frustrated. A control mechanism for her temper. The noise reminded her of where she was, grounding her and preventing her from flying into an unfocused rage. "I'm sure he's aware of your service history and your temper. If you want to tell him more about yourself, you can, but it probably isn't necessary yet."  
"I don't want to. I sort of wish I was someone else. Someone normal."  
"If you were someone else, Hayden, he probably wouldn't like you the way he does."  
Hayden processed that, and sat down, very still. "Really?"  
The doctor smiled. "Yes, really."


	3. LIARA: IF A WOMAN CAN BE WON WITH WORDS, I AM THAT WOMAN - AND YOU HAVE WON ME.  (SOMETHING HEARD ONCE, A LONG TIME AGO.)

Liara sat down shakily as Shepard stormed out of the science lab. Shepard's fury, while expected, was still shocking to her. Liara was used to being treated rather differently. Most people who met her wanted to protect her, shelter her. But Shepard's rage was like being hit by a thunderstorm.  
And instead of running for shelter, Liara wanted to strip off her clothes and dance naked in the rain.  
Shepard was amazing. Liara had never seen anyone like her. She was more than just a human, she was a primal force. Liara stared at the door, wondering what she should do now. Should she apologize? Somehow convince herself to stop being interested in Shepard?  
Was such a thing even possible?  
A soft beep from her console alerted her to a new message. At least that would give her something else to think about for a few moments. She turned back to her console, pulled up her messaging interface. Her heart skipped a beat.  
The message was from Shepard.  
"Liara," the message began, "I want to apologize for losing my temper like that. I wasn't being fair to you. I'm sorry about that, but I have bad history with Asari, and I realize now that I've been taking it out on you even though you don't deserve it. I'm sorry again. Hayden."  
Such a simple thing, this message. Such a very little thing.  
Liara stared, read the message again hungrily. It wasn't her fault then. Shepard - Hayden - had apologized to her. Hayden cared, at least a little, about Liara's feelings. She fired off a reply, waited.  
"Liara, I'm just not good with people face to face. Not even with Humans. I'm even worse with Asari. It's not just you. Hayden."  
She sent more questions, wondering. Was this really the same Shepard who had raged at her in this room only minutes ago? More messages flew back and forth between them, fleshing out the woman behind the hurtful sarcasm and the pages of blood. An intimacy born of words and secrets. Not friendship. Something else.  
"Liara. You want the truth? I think you're beautiful. There? Are you happy now? I just don't know how to show it. I can't do it. When I'm standing near you, I get a little crazy. I think for both our sakes I should just stay away from you. Hayden."  
Liara knew perfectly well that Hayden was crazy about Kaidan. She knew that she didn't stand a chance of winning Hayden's maddening affections away from him. She decided not to let that stop her.  
"Liara! What the hell were you thinking, jumping me like that? I was trying to comfort you about the loss of your mother, like everyone said I was supposed to do. God! What is wrong with you? Is your arm okay? I'll buy you a new shirt, or whatever. Don't ever do that again, or I won't be responsible for what happens, seriously. Hayden."  
Liara savored every bruise, indelible signs of her ability to summon a kindred passion in Hayden.  
"Liara - of course I enjoyed kissing you. Don't be stupid. And stop it before someone gets hurt. Hayden."  
Not Liara, of course. Hayden's concern was for Kaidan. Dull, stupid Kaidan who couldn't see what was happening right before his eyes. And possibly, Hayden was concerned for herself. She was beginning to realize that Liara's sweetness hid a core as dark and determined as her own.  
"Liara. I could kiss you a hundred times and it still wouldn't be enough. What do I want? I want to tie you down and hear you scream my name while I fuck you with my fingers and my tongue and anything else I can think of. But I can't have both you and Kaidan. Not at the same time anyway. So for the last time, stop it. Hayden."  
Liara smiled to herself. Read the message again. "You win this round, Alenko, but the war is far from over." She reached out a slender, blue hand and closed the console without replying.


	4. KAIDAN: "IN HER FIRST PASSION, A WOMAN LOVES HER LOVER." (BYRON)

Hayden saw him stagger. His barrier was down. Her eyes, trained by thousands of battles, saw that he would fall with the next hit. He would fall, die, killed right before her eyes, just as hundreds of others had been killed.  
With shocking speed, she charged, placing herself between him and the enemy. The shots, meant for him, slammed into her barrier as she flung the pirates aside like rag dolls. Silently, Hayden charged again, bringing the fight right to them. They panicked at finding an enemy in their midst, firing wildly as stood up, sought cover. She dodged, threw biotic fields that crippled their armor and left them helpless. Switched to a shotgun, and began pumping them full of radioactive lead slugs, shredding whatever defenses her biotics couldn't touch, chasing them mercilessly into their holes. She moved faster than she ever had before, pushing herself to the limit. Dealing so much damage they couldn't risk ignoring her, not for a second. Not even to take a shot at a defenseless man on the edge of the battlefield, slowly crawling to cover. When it finally occurred to them to try using a rocket launcher, she had already killed over two-thirds of them.  
She saw it coming, saw him half-hidden behind the cover of concrete. Saw the pirate leader - shields down, armor riddled from her slugs, cowering behind a shattered crate that provided no real cover. Dodging would ruin the shot. She whipped out her pistol, took the shot. Saw the man's head explode beneath the impact, leaving a trail of blood and gore on the wall and all over what remained of his skull. The blast ripped through her barrier and her shields, knocked her off her feet. She hit the ground hard, but still breathing.  
Someone cried out: "Shepard's been hit!" The familiar sound of a sniper rifle cracked out, and she heard the distinctive noise of a handheld rocket launcher clattering to the ground.  
That was my kill, Hayden thought to herself, rather irrationally. She wanted to get up, but her body wisely refused. Someone was leaning over her, talking, but her non-essential implants were shutting down to conserve power. "I can't hear you," she tried to tell them. And then he was there, his warm hands on her face, soothing and calming. She wanted to turn her head to look at him, but her neck wasn't working correctly. He held her still, stroked her hair. Looked at her, shook his head commandingly. She idly wondered why his hands were so wet. Surely that wasn't her blood? How badly had she been hit? When had he taken off his armor? She looked up at him again, so serious and somber. He was upset about something, but before she could ask, Hayden drifted off into a haze of pain.  
She awoke to his eyes on her again. Kaidan. His eyes were warm. Dark. Hayden watched him watch her, idly amusing herself by counting his eyelashes. One of them was loose, she wished she could reach up and brush it away. Of all the times she could remember being shot, this was by far the most fun. Her body was in pain, of course - because of her condition, she couldn't take any painkillers. She'd gotten used to it over the years. She wondered if he knew that? Maybe that's why he looked so upset. Was he wondering if she was in pain? She wanted to explain that she was, but it didn't really hurt - not the way other people would interpret it, anyway. Mostly because Hayden didn't actually know what being 'hurt' really meant.  
Unless 'hurt' was that sensation that had gripped her soul at the thought of seeing Kaidan die.  
She shook off that horrifying thought before it could take root in her mind and instead, went back to staring at Kaidan since he was just sitting there. Holding her hand in both of his, stroking her arm, caressing her fingers. She wondered if that meant her other arm was damaged. Had she fallen? She couldn't remember, it was all fuzzy after the rocket had hit her. She realized she must have fallen, the blast would have carried her off the scaffolding. How annoying, and they had been out of medi-gel before that part of the fight so he wouldn't have been able to stabilize her. No wonder he was so worried, she told herself. They must have brought her back to the Normandy, but she didn't really remember.  
Hayden closed her eyes. She suspected that she had fallen asleep again. Opened her eyes just a crack, checking the light level. The lights were on low. They had been on the standard setting before, so she must have been asleep. She wondered if she should try to sit up.  
A pair of warm, soft lips brushed against hers in the darkness. She could smell tears on his face. Felt his lips forming words she couldn't hear, realized with a shock that her implants were still off. She must have been very badly damaged. She forced them to reactivate, as she closed her eyes again and pretended to be asleep as he thought she was. Kaidan kissed her again, and she suddenly realized that pretending to be asleep wasn't going to work.  
The heart monitor beeped, and he sat up sharply.  
"Lieutenant Alenko, may I ask why my patient's heart has skipped a beat?"  
"Uh..."  
Even with her eyes closed, she could tell he was blushing. She resisted the urge to peek, and tried not to smile at the sound of his voice.  
"I was just saying good night," Kaidan explained.  
"Of course." Dr. Chakwas' voice was rich with amusement.  
She fell asleep again, dreamless and strangely soothed by the feel of Kaidan's lips. The next time she awoke, Hayden forced herself out of bed, staggered to her feet, impatient with herself and her weakness.  
"Shepard! What are you doing?" Liara rushed forward, slipped a supporting arm around Hayden as she stood up. "I thought the doctor said -"  
Hayden shook her head angrily. "I'm sick of lying here. It's boring and stupid. I need to move around." Hayden took a few experimental steps, forcing herself to compensate, overcome. She found a kind of equilibrium and walked slowly across the room. "Wow, how far did I fall?"  
"I'm not sure," Liara led Hayden to a chair, and forced her to sit down. "I know everyone was amazed that you survived at all, and I'm positive you shouldn't be out of bed yet."  
Hayden waved that aside. "I'm not going to rush into a fight, but I have to get out of that damned bed before I turn into a vegetable." Hayden gritted her teeth, and touched her ribs gently. "Ow."  
"You took a rocket head on."  
Hayden shrugged, winced at the pain. "I was pretty sure it wouldn't kill me, and I was right." She stretched a little, testing muscles and bone and sinew. "It just hurts, that's all."  
Liara stared questioningly at her. "Do you even feel pain?" she asked disbelievingly.  
"I know when to stop fighting, if that's what you mean. But this is more irritating than anything else. At least I'm not coughing up bone. That was a lot worse, trust me."  
Liara winced at that image. Startled by the unnatural pallor of Hayden's face, "I really think you should lie down again."  
"In a minute," Hayden grumbled. She leaned forward in the chair, letting her hair hide her face, and listened to her own body for a moment. She concentrated on herself, and completely forgot that Liara was still watching her.  
"Oh, goddess, what are you doing? Stop that! Stop that this instant!" The panic in Liara's voice brought her back to herself.  
Hayden looked up in amusement, and slowly let the surge of biotic energy dissipate. "What?"  
"Using biotics in your state? Are you mad? You could cause permanent neural damage!"  
Hayden laughed. "I was just checking my reflexes. Calm down."  
Liara rushed to the door of Medical. "Lieutenant Alenko! Please come talk to her, I can't get her to return to bed."  
Hayden shot Liara an angry look. "That's fighting dirty, Liara."  
Liara ignored her, moved aside to let Kaidan enter.  
"What are you doing out of bed?"  
"Getting back into bed, apparently, since everyone thinks I'm made of glass." Hayden stood carefully, walked back to the bed she had been lying on. "Hrm." She had slid down to get out, and didn't really feel up to climbing back in.  
Kaidan was there before she could turn to ask, lifting her carefully and placing her back on the bed.  
"Thanks." She smiled at him, and settled herself back on the pillows. "I'm hungry. I want real food."  
"I'll go to the mess hall and get you something to eat," offered Liara, and left the room.  
Kaidan looked curiously at her after Liara had left the room. "I never noticed that you had hearing implants."  
She almost shrugged, but remembered in time. "Yeah, I don't go around advertising my genetic defects."  
"You know that's not what I meant." His voice was gentle, but the underlying anger was still there.  
She squirmed slightly, didn't meet his eyes. "Sorry, it's just... it's not something people usually notice, that's all. Or care about. We did finish that mission, right? Please don't tell me I took a rocket to the face for nothing."  
"Of course we did. You shot the leader of the pirates instead of dodging, remember?"  
"Oh." Hayden thought about it, but all her mind could show her was the space behind where she had been standing in the cargo bay of the pirate ship, Kaidan with no barriers in partial cover where he would have been hit by shrapnel if the rocket had gone past her. "So now I just have to mend up some broken bones. Did we get any data on where the pirates were getting their intel from?"  
"Tali is still working on decrypting the data from their computers. I can go get you the full report if you want." He stepped away.  
She flinched at the coldness in his voice, knew it to be her own fault. "Okay, fine. I have a novel variant of Griscelli syndrome. Besides the hearing impairment, I also have moderate photophobia and I will always get sunburn if I don't wear protective clothing because I have almost no pigmentation in my skin or eyes. I have implants so I can handle changes in light, besides the hearing implants which shut down if my medical implants need more power than normal. Eyes are considered essential functions so they can't be turned off. They can't do anything about skin but I'm not much of a beach person anyway."  
Kaidan smiled at that, then, more serious, asked, "Is that why you can't take any painkillers?"  
She nodded. "Yeah, I react differently to anaesthetics and depressants than a normal person would. A lot differently." She looked over at the wall, and decided not to elaborate. "I also have an unusual genetic disorder that they can't decide whether to label as a defect or not."  
"What does that mean?"  
"Most biotics suffer from gradual neural degradation. I have neural regeneration instead."  
He started. "What? How is that possible?"  
"It's not unknown, but it's uncommon. Most people with the disorder would never know. It's just more obvious in a biotic. The problem is that if you're not wired correctly in the first place, you keep regenerating the same way. You can't grow new nerves, just the old ones over and over. So you can't get around having an impaired sense of self-preservation, for example," she said dryly. "Or impaired hearing, for that matter."  
"So, that's your excuse for jumping in front of a rocket? Your genes made you do it?" He couldn't keep a touch of bitterness from seeping into his words. Even as he said them, Kaidan regretted it and knew he would hurt her.  
"My job was to stop a bunch of bad guys. My methods are my own choice, so long as I succeed." Her voice was harsh, her eyes cold and blue, holding his with a fiery, unexpected anger. Suddenly, the fire died and she blinked, looked down. Lay quiet and still in the hospital bed that was too big for her, very small and alone.  
Kaidan moved closer, took one small hand in his. "Hayden? Are you all right?"  
"It isn't fair," she said so softly he could barely hear her voice. "I didn't think anything would hurt more than seeing you die, but you're mad at me, and that hurts more than anything I've ever...." she choked a little on the words. "I didn't do anything wrong. That's not fair."  
For all her strength and savagery, she was at that moment nothing more than a child desperate for approval.  
"Hayden, I... how do you think I felt? Watching you fall, knowing it was my fault? Because I was stupid enough to get caught, completely defenseless, in the middle of a battlefield? I know you did it to save me, and I've been sitting here for days, watching you lie there in agonizing pain, knowing it was all my fault. I didn't want that. I don't ever want to see that again."  
She stared at him, wide-eyed, as he spoke. Thrilled to the sound of his voice, his pain. It was real to her, real like nothing else she had ever seen or heard or felt before. She was silent, continued to watch him until she realized that she should say something. He watched her, dark eyes to light eyes, wondering. For a moment she panicked, trapped by her own mind as she realized she had no idea what she should say at such a moment. Then she realized she didn't actually have to speak, he just wanted to know that she felt... something. She pulled at his hand, covered his hand with both of hers, pulled his hand to her lips. Kissed his hand reverently, still holding it protectively in her own.  
Kaidan brushed his fingertips against her face, stroked her silvery-golden hair. "We... we really shouldn't be doing this, Hayden."  
"What? Why?" Innocent confusion, still holding his hand in hers.  
Kaidan met her eyes, felt himself drowning in them. "There are rules, you know."  
She laughed. "If they enforced all the fraternization rules, there wouldn't be any Naval families. And we all know that isn't true."  
Kaidan shook his head, watched her smile. It was so easy to move her to anger, but only he could bring her back so quickly. She was unbalanced, of course - no one could have come out of Torfan without some scars. He felt a quiet pride in her need, a subtle joy in her dependency. The self-restraint that he had forced on himself for years was finally proving its value.  
He leaned over her, kissed her softly on the lips. "I'm sorry."  
She considered for a moment, realized that was what he had said earlier, when he had thought she was asleep. She gazed at him, and finally smiled slowly. "It's okay, just don't do it again."


	5. LIARA: TAKE LOVE WHERE YOU FIND IT, AND IF YOU CAN'T FIND IT - HUNT FOR IT.  (SOMETHING HEARD ONCE, A LONG TIME AGO.)

Liara watched Hayden, as she hugged Kaidan on the docking platform, waved farewell to him. An unexpected shore leave while the Council gathered information. Crewmembers with families took the chance to go see them. Kaidan was taking the chance to see his estranged family, and Hayden - like Liara - had no one. Kaidan didn't want to subject her to his family, and was leaving her alone.  
Liara watched Hayden as she watched the shuttle until it was too far away to see. Hayden straightened her dress uniform, checked the time. She had appointments for the rest of the day with various dignitaries.  
Liara smiled to herself and walked back to the hotel. Humming a happy tune, she left a package for herself at the front desk. She went up to her room, took a long, warm shower and wrapped herself in a towel, put another on her head. Made sure that her feet were dry and she wasn't dripping an obvious trail. Liara picked up the ice bucket and left her room. Took the elevator two floors up, filled the ice bucket, and casually walked down to a door that wasn't her own. Waited a few minutes for the hotel staff to start their shift change and floor checks.  
"Do you need help, miss?" The bellhop was completely distracted by her state of undress.  
Liara held up the bucket. "Oh, it was so silly of me, but I've locked myself out. Could you - " she gestured at the door.  
"Sure, miss, one second, let me... uh... This room is registered to - "  
"Commander Hayden Shepard, of the Normandy. I know." Liara smiled sweetly. "I'm Dr. Liara T'Soni, also of the Normandy."  
"Yeah, uh...." The boy scanned her, was completely uncertain what to make of this situation. Her identity checked out, of course.  
"The ice is melting," said Liara helpfully and innocently.  
"Oh, of course." He swallowed nervously, and overrode the security.  
Liara stepped in and picked up the hotel key that was lying on the small table right next to the door. "I knew I shouldn't have put it down."  
The boy grinned in relief. He was completely convinced now.  
"Thank you again," said Liara, and gently closed the door. After all, he didn't need to know that Liara had watched Hayden for weeks, learning her every quirk and habit.  
The bellhop went back to security, and reported what he had done. Liara didn't need to hear them to know what they would say.  
"So, guys, I just let a half-naked Asari into Commander Shepard's room. Do you think that's okay? Should we tell her when she gets back?"  
"Artie, if you ever have the chance to sneak a half-naked Asari into my room, do it. Don't ask questions, just do it."  
"Yeah, but, I mean, is it okay?"  
"Did you get the Asari's name and identification?"  
"Yeah, she's the one from her ship. That doctor chick."  
"I'm pretty sure the Commander will understand. It's okay, kid."  
Liara settled herself on the couch, and waited. It was almost time.  
Hayden yawned as she opened the door to her room. Stepped inside, stretched, tossed her sidearm and the hotel key on the table near the door. Her senses picked up the intruder and at the same time, told her it wasn't a stranger. "Liara?"  
"Hello, Hayden."  
Hayden just stared for a second, distracted by the sharp contrast between the white towels and Liara's blue skin.  
"I thought you might be lonely."  
Hayden looked at Liara scornfully. "Lonely."  
Liara smiled. "Bored, then."  
"How did you get in here anyway?"  
Liara stood up, pointed at the ice bucket. "I brought ice. Oh!" The sudden movement disarrayed the carefully poised towel covering her body, and it slipped to the floor, revealing her glistening, naked form. "There goes my towel," Liara said ruefully. She didn't see Hayden move, just a blur of darkness, and Liara was pinned down on the couch, Hayden's hands on her wrists. Hayden's body, small though it was, perfectly positioned over her so that she could barely move.  
"Liara," Hayden growled, "I'm not going to let you get away with this."  
"Do I look like I want to get away from you?" Liara whispered.  
Hayden moved Liara's hands together, pinned them down with one hand, using pressure on sensitive bones rather than raw strength to ensure Liara's compliance. With her other hand, Hayden pulled the towel from Liara's head, used her teeth to rip it into strips. "Move and I'll break your arm like a twig."  
Liara didn't move, although she was sorely tempted to lick one of Hayden's pert little breasts while Hayden was poised over her. Hayden didn't strike her as the kind of woman that permitted such liberties.  
Hayden quickly tied Liara's hands to the couch, using the ripped towel to make sure Liara's hands were both secure and comfortable. Hayden leaned back, checked her handiwork. The couch in this room was old-fashioned, the kind with heavy metal bars and knobs. The kind that makes easily accessible points of attachment.  
"Can I move yet?" Liara was quite comfortable with this pose. Traditional, her hands over her head, a perfect display, stretched out for a lover's amusement. Her head resting on a throw pillow. Hayden's body pinning her, one of Hayden's feet, encased in black leather boots resting just in front of Liara's clit.  
"No." Hayden used her biotics to pull the ice bucket closer, set it on the floor where she could easily reach it.  
Liara stared wide-eyed, not sure what to expect, but eagerly anticipating.  
Hayden helped herself to a chunk of ice, popped it in her mouth. Bent her head down to Liara's breasts.  
Liara gasped at the contact, the contrast between the chill of the ice and the warmth of Hayden's lips. Hayden moved her tongue in a slow circle, trailing the cube of ice over Liara's nipple. Hayden pulled off her jacket and dress shirt, leaving her wearing only a bra top. Her movements, slight and precise, caused her leather-clad boot to brush tantalizingly over Liara, sometimes touching her, sometimes not, sometimes grinding right between Liara's legs. All the while, as if ignoring Liara's cries and gasps, Hayden continued to lick and suck Liara's breasts, moving from one to the other.  
Without pausing in her attention to Liara's breasts, Hayden took some more ice from the bucket. Replaced the one in her mouth and continued teasing Liara's nipples with it. With the other, she began tracing random patterns down Liara's arm, moving from her armpit to her elbow, elbow to wrists, back down again, slowly and carefully.  
Unable to resist, Liara thrust herself against Hayden's leg, trying to satisfy herself. Hayden smiled, shifted her leg so that Liara could work herself against the leather of Hayden's boot. But instead of holding still, she moved her delicate little foot around, teasing Liara's wet and swollen lips. Liara thrashed against her restraints in frustration, and Hayden shifted, dropping her body weight on Liara's hips and forcing her to lay still.  
"I never said you could move."  
Liara took a deep, shuddering breath and closed her eyes.  
"Well? You disobeyed me. Say you're sorry."  
Liara considered. She wasn't sorry, not in the least, and to say it would be insincere. She remained silent.  
Hayden rose up, kneeling on top of Liara. Liara heard a buckle open, the smooth sound of a strip of leather over serge as Hayden pulled the belt from her uniform, the sharp crack of leather on leather as Hayden doubled it in her hands for better control. There was a moment of stillness, Liara wildly considering whether she really wanted to provoke Hayden like this.  
A sharp hiss, the slap of leather against the tender flesh of her thighs. Liara shrieked in surprise. She had expected Hayden to move first, had expected another warning. The belt sang out again, landed on another section of her thigh. The blow wasn't particularly heavy, but it was sharp and it stung. The kind of blow that would leave welts rather than bruises. The next blow made her scream in pain.  
"Oh, I'm sorry! I'm sorry! I won't move until you say so! I'm sorry!" she screamed as more blows, well aimed and exquisitely painful, landed on her thighs. "Please! Please, I'm sorry!"  
"You're a wicked little bitch, and you deserved it," sneered Hayden, but she put the belt down. Took another piece of ice and rubbed it on Liara's thighs where welts were slowly rising.  
Liara shivered, tossed her head and tried not to buck under Hayden's hand. The ice was cool and soothed the pain, but Hayden's fingers slowly outlining every stripe on her thighs made her maddeningly aware of the sensations arising from every touch. Liara moaned, pleaded wordlessly.  
Hayden grinned and slid down Liara's body. Pulled Liara slightly to the side of the couch, knelt, raised the shapely blue legs and bent her head down, but not before popping another chunk of ice in her mouth.  
Liara gasped as Hayden forced the ice inside her, shrieked in ecstasy when Hayden used her tongue to keep it there. Hayden curled her tongue inside Liara, swirled it around the damp inner folds. Flicked her tongue against Liara's clit, licking and sucking it, making Liara thrust against her helplessly. Pressed her tongue against the bundle of nerve endings inside her that made Liara's entire body arch in a passionate response. Cool water from the molten ice dribbled out from Liara, mingling with her sexual fluids. Hayden lapped it up, flicking her tongue in and out like a kitten, tasting every inch inside Liara.  
One hand moved up to Liara's breasts, teasing the nipples. The other held one of Liara's legs in the air, tracing welts, occasionally drawing new patterns with her short nails into Liara's skin. Liara twisted, forcing her body against Hayden's tongue and hands, but Hayden didn't seem to care anymore. Finally Liara couldn't take anymore, threw her head back, screamed as her body convulsed, her inner muscles contracting where Hayden's tongue was penetrating her. Hayden pressed her face into Liara's cleft again, swirling her tongue hungrily over the flood of new fluids pouring out of Liara.  
Liara whimpered.  
"What is it?"  
"I want to touch you," Liara begged. "Please."  
Hayden licked her one more time, dragging her tongue from the damp base all the way up to the shivering dark-blue nub at the tip. Hayden stood up, with smooth, graceful moves stripped off her clothes before Liara's lustful eyes.  
Liara smiled slightly to see that Hayden was wet, licked her lips eagerly.  
Hayden leaned over Liara to untie her hands, and this time Liara gave in, hungrily kissing Hayden's small and perfectly shaped breasts. She barely waited for Hayden to finish freeing her before she wrapped her arms around Hayden's body, kissing and caressing her.  
Hayden smiled, wriggled down and kissed Liara. Liara drank in the taste of her own body on Hayden's lips, pulled her close.  
"You're amazing, Hayden."  
Hayden pulled Liara from the couch, and pointed her towards the bedroom.


	6. KAIDAN: "IN ALL OTHERS, ALL SHE LOVES IS BEING IN LOVE." (BYRON)

"I brought you something. I thought you would like it."  
Hayden took the package that Kaidan offered her, and opened it slowly. Gifts were one of the things that always bothered her, she was never sure how to handle them. In consequence, she usually ended up doing completely the wrong thing. She pulled off the top of the box, pulled out the small, clear crystal that lay within. She frowned for a moment.  
Kaidan turned down the lights, moved her so that she was facing the wall, and turned on the small flashlight in his hands.  
"Oh!"  
The light hit the crystal, splitting into hundreds of colorful little sparkles that danced on the wall. "It's just a cute toy, but for some reason it made me think of you."  
She watched the lights dance as she turned the crystal in her hands. The spray of color was distracting, but suddenly what he had said struck her. "Why?" She turned and looked at him in confusion.  
"Because it's beautiful."  
She was too shocked to react to his words.  
Kaidan smiled and pulled her into his arms, bent his head down to hers for a kiss. She put her arms on his shoulders, let him encircle her with his arms, kissed him with her whole body.  
"If you think I'm beautiful, then why won't you have sex with me?"  
Kaidan smiled wryly. "Is that all you want from me?"  
She looked down in confusion. "I don't know what else to ask for."  
Kaidan kissed her again, felt her thrill to his touch. "I want more from you than just one night, Hayden."  
Hayden didn't answer, instead cradling her head against his broad chest. Listened to his heartbeat. Wondered what to say, or do. She held up the crystal, watched it spin and thought about Kaidan thinking about her. "Can I kiss you again?" Strangely shy.  
"Of course."  
She pulled his face down to hers, kissed him softly and sweetly. "Thank you for thinking of me."  
"You wouldn't have liked it," he smiled. "My family is really annoying." A shadow crossed his face at the memory, but he chased away and looked at the small, beautiful woman in his arms.  
Hayden was playing with the crystal again. Her face was unnervingly still but her ice blue eyes moved rapidly, staring at the crystal in her hands, random things in the room, everything except Kaidan.  
"Hayden?"  
"You're different," she said softly. "Why are you so different? Why aren't you like everyone else?" She looked at him, his face, but didn't meet his eyes. "I never know what to say to you."  
"Just say what you want, Hayden. Be honest with me."  
She sighed, looked at the crystal that he had given her strangely. Hayden stepped away from him, put the box and the crystal on the table. "Okay, then. I ended up having sex with Liara while you were gone." She put her hands behind her back, and stared at the floor.  
"What?" Kaidan watched her, saw her eyes flicker towards the pretty crystal when she thought he wasn't watching. "Why?"  
Hayden shrugged. "I felt like it."  
Kaiden shook his head. "No, why are you telling me?"  
Her eyes flicked up, met his for a second before she looked away again. "I don't know."  
"No, Hayden, there's more to it than that. You know there is."  
She shook her head. "I did it because it was fun. But when it was over..." her voice trailed off into silence. She took a deep breath, trying to steady herself. "You're angry, aren't you?"  
"Not with you."  
Hayden looked up at him, saw the truth in his eyes. "I still should have told her to leave. I shouldn't have done it." She went back to staring at the floor, trying to figure out what she was feeling.  
"No, you shouldn't have," he said quietly. Kaidan watched her, not quite sure what she was holding back. "Are you going to do it again?" he asked finally.  
She shook a little. "I don't think so."  
"Think?" he said sharply.  
"Do you want me to lie and say no? You said to be honest, so I am." She closed her eyes, fought back the rage warring with her sense of shame. "I don't want to. But it's very hard to resist a naked Asari in your bedroom." Rage flared inside her, almost uncontrollable for a second. She choked it back, tightened her hands around each other behind her back. Forced herself to stand still.  
Kaidan watched her, took a step closer.  
Hayden moved away from him, her eyes still on the floor. Shook her head.  
"Hayden. Look at me."  
She shook her head again, began pacing the room. "I can't."  
"You're angry with me."  
She stood still at that, processed the unfamiliar emotions coursing through her.  
Kaidan walked up to her, took her hands in his. "Talk to me, Hayden. Tell me what's wrong."  
The rage surged inside her again, and she ripped her hands away from him. Stalked around the room again, trying to keep her fury in check. Suddenly the words spilled out, before she had a chance to stop them. "You have a family. You left me for them, you left me alone, and you didn't - you don't even love them! You didn't even want to go! All I had was Trace, and he's gone, and I'll never see him again, ever! And you - you just - It's not fair!" The last words, screamed, shocked her as much as it did him. Hayden hadn't spoken her brother's name for years. Before she could stop herself, she had picked up the lamp, hurled it across the room at the wall. The destruction was immensely satisfying, even as she took in the look on his face. Hayden sank to the floor in a corner of the room, pulled her knees to her chest and hid her face in her arms.  
Kaidan knelt down on the floor next to her. "I didn't know, Hayden. I didn't think of it. I wouldn't want..." He reached out, carefully placed a hand on her shoulder. "Who is Trace?"  
"He was my older brother. A lieutenant in the Reds."  
She didn't pull away, so Kaidan moved closer, stroked her hair. "What happened to him?"  
Hayden shuddered. "He sent me to the Alliance school because I needed more help than he could give me. My biotics... other stuff... I had too many things going on, he couldn't...."  
"He did what was best for you."  
"Yeah," Hayden choked back sudden tears. "But then he didn't have anyone to watch his back. He got killed because I wasn't there."  
"Hayden, he wanted you to be safe."  
"How do you know?" she sobbed. "You don't know that!"  
"Well, Hayden, I love you, and I know that's what I would want. I assume he felt the same way."  
She didn't immediately realize what he had said. "What? What did you say?" She lifted her head from her knees and stared at Kaidan, looking directly into his eyes, deep and warm and brown. "What did you just say?"  
Kaidan flushed slightly. He hadn't meant to say it so casually, but the fact had become such a part of his daily life that he didn't remember it wasn't always obvious. "I said, I love you. I wasn't sure if you were ready to hear that."  
"But - you mean, you still - even after - all that?" she asked, rather incoherently. Her eyes were wide and confused.  
He tried not to laugh at her confusion. "It's not that simple, Hayden. Love doesn't just turn off or run out." He took her hands again, looked down at them. "It's what's between you and me, here and now. Even when we're not near each other, it's always there." Kaidan looked over at the crystal. "It's why I can see your beauty in a little trinket in a toy store, and why you can feel my pain when you're in bed with Liara."  
Hayden flinched at that. "Did I really hurt you?" she asked nervously.  
"You should have told me you didn't want me to go," he said instead of answering her question.  
She bit her lip, and was about to say something else, but checked herself and put her arms around him instead.  
Kaidan closed his eyes and held her, the two of them kneeling on the floor of her cabin.  
"Kaidan?"  
"Yes?"  
Hayden blushed, suddenly unable to say the words.  
Kaidan looked at her curiously. "What is it?" Saw the blush on her pale cheeks, the bright joy in her downcast eyes. He smiled to herself.  
She kissed him fiercely, pulled him down to her, leaned back to the floor. Her tiny hands entwined in his hair, her lips kissed his again and again.  
For some reason, Kaidan found the sight of her lying there on the floor incredibly alluring. He kissed her, felt himself kissing her more wildly than he meant to and in the end had to pull away, forcing himself to regain his self-control.  
"I'm not going to lose you too," she whispered so softly he almost missed it.  
Kaidan looked at her. Her silvery hair, like a halo around her face as she lay on the floor gazing up at him.  
"You're all I have. You're the only person I care about, in the whole world. Galaxy," she corrected herself. "I won't lose you. I don't care if you hate me and never speak to me again. Just... just knowing you loved me once is enough. More than enough." She looked at him, her blue eyes wide and strangely innocent at that moment. "More than I deserve, really."  
"Everyone deserves a chance to be happy."  
"Well, if I ever blow mine, I want you to know that this," she reached out, placed her hand on his cheek, "right here, right now, made it all worth it. You make it all worth it."  
Kaidan pulled her into his arms. "There's more to this than words, Hayden. A lot more, that we're not ready for. Not yet. Are you willing to wait for it?"  
Hayden sensed the layers of the question. She hugged Kaidan tightly, burying her face in his chest. Someday she was going to have to tell him the truth, and finally discover what his reaction would be. But it wouldn't be today, and she would always have this moment - this wonderful moment - to come back to in her memories. "I'll do whatever you want, Kaidan."


	7. GARRUS: "AND PALM TO PALM IS HOLY PALMERS' KISS." (SHAKESPEARE)

Garrus seemed nervous.  
Hayden looked at him curiously. "Is something wrong?"  
Garrus sighed and looked around. "My old ship is docked at the Citadel. I'm expecting to get some flak for walking around with Humans. Try not to be offended."  
"Right," said Hayden drily. "I'll do my best."  
"And that's why I'm nervous."  
Kaidan chuckled. "We'll try to avoid any unpleasant incidents."  
Hayden glanced over at Garrus and tried not to smile.  
Nothing happened until they hit the Lower Markets.  
"Vakarian?" The Turian's voice was disbelieving. "Is that really you?"  
"Hannes. Been a long time." Garrus greeted his former crewmate coldly but politely.  
"I thought you were with C-Sec these days." Hannes looked over Garrus' companions, unable to keep a touch of scorn from his voice.  
"Things change." Garrus turned back to Morlan to finish their transaction. For a Turian, that wasn't rudeness but rather a simple dismissal; an indication that the conversation would be continued at the instigator's own peril.  
One of the other Turians, wearing the same armor and face markings as Hannes moved up to Garrus.  
Hayden stepped forward before the newcomer could speak. "Keep your hands off my crewmember." She knew enough about Turian etiquette to know what was expected of her position.  
"You're his captain?" sneered the newcomer while Hannes backed away. Either he had noticed something about Hayden, or he was leaving the brash Turian to handle the situation.  
Hayden glared at the newcomer, and waited for him to move.  
He drew his ceremonial battle blade, and Hayden exploded.  
Garrus wasn't sure about letting Hayden take on the challenge, as a Captain was supposed to do. After all, resorting to biotics would be a serious breach of protocol, and Hayden never sparred on the Normandy.  
She moved like lightning. Blocked the knife, struck his wrist. A bone shifted under the plates of his arm, choking the nerves that controlled his fingers, and the blade fell. Another blow from Hayden, and he doubled over in pain. He backed away, tried a different attack. A swift blow with his good hand, aimed at her head.  
She seemed to flow to one side, she moved so fast. A double strike with her hands, deadly and precise, at his hip and shoulder. He stumbled backwards, completely off balance. With a little bounce, she threw a series of punches to his midsection that depended more on speed and accuracy than raw strength. He fell heavily, lay still for a moment.  
Hayden waited, to see if he would accept defeat.  
With an angry roar, he sprang up, charged her. She blocked his blows almost contemptuously, slapping them aside and returning unerring blows of her own. The Turian finally collapsed to his knees, fell over at her feet. Hayden stepped back slowly, watched the others. Still tense, shaking a little from the adrenalin.  
No one spoke, and Hayden finally just walked away, leaving Garrus and Kaidan to follow.  
"That was pretty awesome, Commander."  
She didn't look at Garrus. "Anytime."  
Kaidan looked back. The Turians were turning their comrade over, calling for a medic. "I hope he's okay."  
Hayden didn't answer.  
"It's his own fault," said Garrus airily. "He shouldn't have gotten back up."  
And Hayden realized that Garrus knew. He knew what she had done, and he didn't care. More than that, he approved. She looked at him curiously. He smiled at her. Hayden glanced over at Kaidan. His dark face was worried, but they were too far away now to see or hear what was going on. He wasn't looking at her.  
Hayden looked at Garrus again, grinned back. "It was a good fight."


	8. KAIDAN: IT DOESN'T MATTER WHAT I WANT.  (SOMETHING HEARD ONCE, A LONG TIME AGO.)

Worst moment? That night at the Academy, realizing that someone she had thought was special was only interested in her because she was a woman and he thought her weak. Discovering that he planned to take what she wasn't willing to give. The sudden shock of finding out that she couldn't stop once she started hitting him, that her speed and strength had somehow increased with her rage, and that her hands weren't just hitting someone but mauling. That standing over his unconscious body, knowing he would need reconstructive surgery on his face to repair the damage, listening to his ragged breathing, feeling his blood drip off her hands, knowing that moment to be the most satisfying of her life so far.  
"I thought you said not to kill the possessed colonists," said Kaidan. His voice was strangely flat and emotionless.  
Hayden chambered another round in her sidearm. "It was an accident." She didn't look at him. "Come on, we have to deal with that stupid Thorian. Get moving."  
"Are we still sparing the colonists?"  
"This isn't the time, Alenko." Garrus glared at Kaidan as Hayden walked away without answering. "You know what we're here for. Don't make this any harder than it has to be."  
She pretended she couldn't hear Garrus defending her, and didn't turn so they wouldn't see her flush. She moved forward, crouched at a corner, and tried to concentrate. Tried to remember which ones she shouldn't be killing. She didn't want to upset Kaidan any more than she already had.  
Stupid, weak, useless colonists. Just seeing them made her unspeakably angry.  
Hayden fired a gas grenade, waited, then hurled a biotic field to hurl anyone not caught in the gas out of the way. Something moved at the corner of her eye, and before she could stop herself her pistol was up, and with unerring marksmanship she had sent a round through the skull of one of the colonists. Hayden swore under her breath as the man staggered and fell over. Without waiting to hear Kaidan speak, she charged forward, closing with the remaining colonists so she could knock them out with her bare hands and another gas grenade. Even that didn't work as she had hoped, and the flimsy Salarian trader practically broke in half under her hands. Hayden screamed in frustration, but it was over finally. All the creepers were gone, and at least some of the colonists were still alive, thanks to Baynham's gas.  
"Commander?"  
"Shut up, Alenko. Just shut up!" Hayden turned around, faced him. Angry, violent. "Stop questioning me."  
Kaidan backed away from her, cautiously, was about to speak when her eyes suddenly went wide, and she whipped up her assault rifle, shoved him out of the way. Garrus, seeing that she had Fai Dan well in her sights, helped Kaidan to his feet.  
They were speaking. Exchanging words that were meaningless. The ending of this confrontation was already set.  
His face crumpled with his failure, Fai Dan forced the gun to his head. Hayden waited, her weapon still at the ready. Kaidan flinched, closed his eyes.  
No. The worst moment wasn't realizing that she had no control over it - it was the day she realized that she didn't care.


	9. KAIDAN: "...  THE HEART MUST PAUSE TO BREATHE" (BYRON)

"Hayden, we can't do this anymore. It isn't right."  
He saw her fists tighten. She stared at the floor, her shoulders shaking slightly, her hair disheveled and covering the sides of her face like a curtain. "What was I supposed to do? H-how..." she choked back an angry sob. Rage strangled her voice, left her speechless.  
His voice just sounded tired. "I'm sorry, Hayden, I'm so sorry, but I... I just can't. This can't go on." Kaidan tried not to look at her, tried to concentrate on doing what was best for both of them. He didn't want any more sacrifices. The guilt was tearing into him, and worse... he shut that part of himself down, didn't look at it, didn't listen to the whispers in his soul.  
"Get away from me." Such anger, such hurt.  
He winced at the sound of her voice. Kaidan's shoulders slumped. He felt beaten, he knew he was a failure, and worst of all, he knew he was right. "I don't know how to make you understand, Hayden. I don't know if anyone can."  
"Will you please just get out? Get out of my room. Leave me alone, you heartless bastard." The last phrase, hate-filled, was whispered but he still heard it and winced.  
He thought of trying to defend himself, but knew it would be too dangerous. Kaidan turned and walked out of her cabin.  
Hayden waited until the door was completely sealed to burst into angry, heartbroken sobs. She couldn't even blame him for it. She knew how difficult she was to deal with. She was incredibly violent. She had a short temper, yelled a lot. And she wasn't attractive, not like Ashley.  
Ashley, who was now a pile of radioactive dirt on the surface of some miserable little backwater planet. The thought still brought her a savage joy, despite what the decision had cost her. Yes, she had had let Ashley die because life with Kaidan hating her for it was still better than a life without Kaidan. Hayden pulled her knees up to her chest, curled herself into a tiny ball on the chair. She couldn't think, didn't know what to do for the moment. She wanted to hit something, or maybe throw things, but mostly she just wanted to cry. The ugly sounds of her tempestuous sobs filled her ears. She felt helpless, and hated it. Hayden wished she could go back to a time when she didn't feel anything, when no one meant anything to her. But that meant that she would lose the only feeling that mattered. Maybe this pain would go away in time, just like physical pain did. Maybe she could just wait it out.  
Kaidan was halfway up the stairs before he stopped. Leaned against the wall, broken, a man old before his time. "I can't do it." He warred with himself, trying hard to break away from the pull of the darkness within him. "Dammit. I can't do it." He put his hands to his head, and groaned. He knew himself too well not to know exactly what would happen if he went back to her now. Just because love didn't leave track marks didn't make him any less of a pusher, and he knew it.  
The door opened again. Hayden didn't look up. Only one person had the code to unlock her cabin. "What the hell do you want now?"  
Still shaking in her chair, expecting to be hurt again. Shocked beyond words to feel his hands pulling her up, forcing her out of her shell. Ecstasy, to find herself in his arms again, to hear his voice, gentle and warm.  
"I'm so sorry, I shouldn't have... don't cry like that, don't."  
She flung her arms around him, held him tight. Couldn't speak. Couldn't stop crying. "I didn't know what else to do! I couldn't... I- I couldn't... Kaidan..."  
"I know, I shouldn't have - I'm really sorry, I know," he held her to him, let her sob wildly into his chest. Stroked her hair, soothed her with wordless whispers. In a few moments the storm passed, and she was just resting her head on him, tears streaking her beautiful face. He tilted her head up to his, leaned down, kissed her. Tasted tears on her face, love on her lips. The kiss was gentle, questioning at first, but the storm of anguish burst into a fire as Hayden suddenly realized that she had almost lost him - not his life, but his affection.  
Hayden threw herself at him with desperate hunger. Unsure of the words to use, she pressed her body against his, pleading with caresses and touch, offering him anything he wanted if only he would stay.  
"I want you," he moaned. "I can't give you up, I can't make myself do it." She made a happy little noise. He kissed her again, meeting fire with fire, feeding on her need while fulfilling her need of him. Kaidan led her toward the bed, still kissing her, still holding her in his arms. He lay her down on the bed, covered her body with his own. "You're so beautiful, Hayden," he whispered as he kissed her, pressed his body against her.  
She rubbed herself against him, holding him close so she could feel his hardness against her.  
Kaidan kissed her, harder this time, forcing her back against the bed with his weight, making her smile. He felt her little hands move down to his waist. "No," he said softly, "let me do this." He moved his body on hers, put her hands back on his shoulders, let her kiss his lips. Listened to her moan at the pressure of his body over hers. Spread her legs, moved his hand so he could touch her more closely. She jerked away at the first contact, more in shock than anything else. He watched her, saw her flush at the unexpected reaction. She swallowed nervously, looked at him as apology. He kissed her cheek, moving in a way that encouraged her to return to her former position. Started again, more carefully this time, slowly stroking her swollen clit through her clothes. "You've never done this before."  
She shook her head. "Not like this." Her voice shook a little.  
He kissed her again, still stroking her through her clothes, moving his hand over the entrance to her body, sensing her warmth and wetness. "Relax a little. I'm not going to hurt you. Do you want me to stop?"  
She shook her head again. Kissed him to prove that she wanted this.  
Kaidan undid her pants, opened the fastenings to give himself more room. Kissed her again to distract her from what he was doing, slid one hand into her underclothes while the other pulled her closer, changed the angle at which she was lying. Moved a finger around the wet outer lips, felt her twitch against him in the kiss. Moved his finger around the lips again, teasing, preparing, rubbed the broad base of his hand against her clit. She was trembling under his hands. Wet. He worked a finger inside her. She gasped, clutched at him. He rolled his thumb over her clit, slowly slid a second finger into her, felt her open around his hand. She was making noise now, shocked little gasps, panting. He watched her, moved his hand in and out of her in rhythm with her breathing. He pulled his fingers out, glistening with her wetness, worked on her clit, stroked her outer folds, coming closer to penetrating her with his fingers again with every stroke until finally his fingers were inside her again. She was flushed, lying back on his arm, her arms around him. He kissed her again, moving his fingers inside her, exploring.  
She cried out, buried her face in his shoulder. "There, right there, oh please!" She closed her eyes, rocked back on forth on his hand. He moved with her, made sure he was working her inside and out. She gasped desperately, and he felt her muscles spasm around his fingers. She cried out again. He held still for a heartbeat, then stroked her gently, and felt an aftershock ripple through her. She sank into the bed, sighed softly. He stroked her again. She moaned softly, closed her eyes and pulled away slightly.  
Kaidan smiled. Slid his hand slowly out of her, lay back on the bed watching her in silence.  
Hayden stretched, happy and selfish for a moment, then looked up at him. "You didn't...um... do anything. For you."  
"Don't have time." He smiled. "Don't worry, I feel rewarded enough." He glanced over at the clock. "I should get cleaned up before Joker comes looking for me."  
"Will you come back later? We could finish. Or talk. Or something."  
Kaidan leaned over and kissed her. "I'll come back later."


	10. KAIDAN: "AND LOVE ITSELF HAVE REST."  (BYRON)

He pulled her into his arms, gentle as always. Bent his head down to kiss her. Felt her heart flutter, her breathing speed up. Felt her perfectly curved lips press against his. Slid one hand into her incredibly soft hair, the other under her shirt so he could feel the warmth of her skin.  
She reached up, pulling him closer, wrapped her hands around his neck, burying her fingers in his hair. "Kaidan," she whispered, her voice barely audible. "I want you, I want you so much. Please...."  
He smiled at her. "Do you know, that's the first time you've ever actually said that?"  
"Really?" She thought about it, realized he was right.  
"You've protected me, you've apologized to me, you've even told me you never wanted to see me again. But you've never said you wanted me."  
Her eyes were wide, blue, slightly confused. "I didn't think to say it. Should I have?"  
He kissed her again, "Only if you really mean it, Hayden."  
She kissed him back with her entire body, pressing herself against him, pulling him close. "I... Usually, guys don't want to talk," she said shyly. "I never know what to do with you, Kaidan. You're a total mystery to me."  
Kaidan laughed softly, kissed her again. "You don't act like you've had much experience with guys," he said, half a question.  
She flushed, dropped her head to his chest. Wouldn't meet his eyes. "No... not really. Not like this."  
She was suddenly still in his arms, tense. He stroked her hair carefully, tried to meet her eyes.  
"I don't want to talk about it now. I want to be with you."  
She was deliberately whispering, something she did when she was nervous. He'd taught himself to listen for it. "Oh, Hayden," he suddenly felt hurt, for her pain. He pulled her closer to him. Kissed her hair. "I'm always here for you, whenever you need me." He tilted her face up, forced her to look at him. "Just tell me you want this."  
"I want you, Kaidan," she said softly. Not in her hiding-things whisper. Blue eyes on brown.  
Kaidan kissed her again. "Hayden, you're the most beautiful woman I've ever seen."  
She smiled shyly at that. Kissed him back.  
He knew how insecure she could be. How fragile. He thrilled at knowing he was her anchor at this moment, that right here, right now, he was the one thing that mattered to her. He loved that feeling almost as much as he much loved her for herself. Kaidan pulled her close, listened to her heart pounding in her chest. "Are you all right?"  
Hayden nodded. Kissed him on the cheek in affirmation.  
Kaidan smiled, pulled off his shirt. She shyly touched his bare chest, moved her little hand over the muscles there. He waited while she explored his body, until she realized that she was still wearing her clothes. She smiled, pulled off her shirt, threw it aside. He pulled her back into his arms, lifted her up so he could kiss her exquisitely shaped breasts.  
She laughed lightly, watched him, her eyes soft and slightly surprised, as he undid her bra and slipped it off. Kaidan kissed first one breast, then the other.  
"You're so beautiful," he said hoarsely. "So perfectly made." He carried her over to the bed, lay her down so he could take in her beauty in full. He stripped off the rest of his clothes, and she hers. Lay down beside her, and she pulled him on top of her.  
"I like you here," she whispered. Ran her hands over his bare skin, feeling his warmth, his muscles. "I like feeling your weight on me."  
He smiled at that, kissed her. Ran one hand down the side of her body, touched her between her legs. She was wet, sticky. He slid a finger around the outer lips, spreading her wetness, then inside her, stroking the spot he had found the first time. She writhed on his hand, seeking more contact, her hands clutching at the sheets. He kissed her breasts again, continued teasing her with his fingers. He pulled his hand away, dripping wet, and licked his fingers clean. She watched him curiously, stroked his arm. He found her quietness disorienting.  
He kissed her again, moved his body up so that he was just touching the entrance of her body with his cock. She whimpered as he moved the head of his shaft over her, and he smiled. Reached down again, still kissing her lips, let his fingers touch the warm, wet circle, spread her lips open. He kissed her, murmured her name softly as he entered her, the head sliding just inside her. She gasped sharply, and froze. Closed her eyes, and turned her head away.  
"Are you all right?" he asked nervously. He moved to pull out, but she put her hand on his shoulder.  
"I'm fine," she gasped. Trying to remember how to breathe, through the amazing sensations rippling through her. "You're just... big."  
Kaidan laughed lightly. "I'm not that big. But, I guess you're a little smaller than I expected." He moved experimentally, causing her to spasm around his shaft as he moved, penetrating her deeper. "Very tight." He groaned, closed his eyes.  
"What's wrong?"  
"I'm just trying not to come too early." He laughed to himself. "This is probably the best sex I've ever had in my entire life, I'm trying not to ruin it." He sighed, moved one hand down to her hips. "Just... give me a second here."  
She was very still and quiet, breathing quickly.  
"I'll stop, if you're not comfortable." He turned her head back to him. "Are you okay, Hayden?"  
She smiled, laughed in stunned amazement. "You really would. You're not just saying that, are you?" She opened her eyes, and just watched him. "I don't want you to stop. It's just... not what I'm used to," she smiled. "I did tell you I have no idea what to do with you."  
"Oh." Her words finally sank into his mind. "Oh."  
"Please don't stop."  
Kaidan couldn't move for a moment. He was stunned, and couldn't believe that he hadn't picked up on that before. He swallowed nervously, and reached for her, kissed her again. Felt her shudder beneath him. He moved her arms to his shoulders, so she could work with him. "Tell me if you want me to slow down." He took a deep breath, locked his lips to hers again. Let nature move him, stroking her in rhythm with his heartbeat. He was trying not to give way to his inner wildness, forced himself to go slowly.  
Her hands pulled at him, letting him know she wanted more. She moved her legs, giving him more room. He carefully raised her legs, felt her arch into him, her hips tilt up towards him.  
"Yes, oh," she moaned, wordless now. Tossed her head from side to side, dug her fingers into his back, pulled him to her.  
He held her in his arms, knew he was holding her too tightly, saw marks on her skin but he couldn't let go. He gasped, thrust into her faster, deeper now that she was working with him. Her body shook, quivered, and he couldn't stop himself from working even harder. He could hear small animal growls, passionate cries as they moved together, coming from both himself and Hayden.  
She made a noise suddenly, very small and sweet, and buried her head in his shoulder. Kaidan growled and slammed into her, harder than he meant to, and she rocked wildly beneath him as he thrust and circled his hips. Whimpering at first, and then her cries got louder and louder until she was screaming. Wordless, passionate screams of pleasure, her hands leaving trails on his back. He sank down, resting his head on her chest, but kept most of his weight on his arms. Felt their mingled juices leaking out of her body, resisted the wild urge to lick her clean.  
Kaidan kissed her gently. "I love you," he said softly. "That was amazing." She threw her arms around him, kissed him wildly, but he refused to let himself lose control again. "No, Hayden, we can't. Not right now, anyway. We should probably get cleaned up now. We're almost at Ilos." He moved back, kissed her again as their bodies separated. Lay back with a sigh.  
Hayden lay down next to him, her head on his shoulder. Watched him, wide-eyed, with a strange little smile.  
Kaidan watched her watching him. There were a hundred things he wanted to ask her. With all her sensuality, all her experience, how was it possible that this was her first time with a man? If it had never been like this before, what had she done? But he knew that, right now - this sweet, stolen moment - wasn't the time.  
Hayden watched him, saw the question in his eyes, and waited. But he didn't ask. Kaidan stretched, drowsily put his arms around her, and somehow fell asleep. Hayden smiled in surprise, and couldn't help laughing a little. For a few minutes, she watched him lie there, trusting and sated. Then she admitted to herself that he was right, and slowly got out of bed. Stretched, savored the unfamiliar ache. Promised herself that she would do this again, later. She took one last look at Kaidan as he slept before she picked up her clothes and walked into the bathroom.


	11. KAIDAN: "AND ALL THAT'S BEST OF DARK AND BRIGHT" (BYRON)

"Pressly!" Kaidan shouted. "I know this was you!"  
Navigator Pressly chuckled to himself. "Why, I'm sure I don't know what you're talking about, Lieutenant."  
Two of the nearby technicians laughed, and Kaidan glared at them as well.  
Hayden was about to ask, but her terminal alerted her to a new urgent message. She pulled up her messaging console. "What the hell is a Form LV-2?"  
"That's the standard 'Declaration of Intent,' Commander. Spacer papers."  
Hayden stared at Pressly. "What?"  
"You know," said Pressly slyly. "For military marriages and so forth."  
Kaidan turned swiftly, not sure how she would react, and was shocked to see her blushing bright, bright red.  
"Soo, Commander," Pressly continued, "how would you describe your attraction to Lt. Alenko? Would it be a) passionate b) companionate or c) idolatrous?"  
"Excuse me," said Hayden, and ran off the bridge.  
"Alenko picked 'c,' by the way!" Pressly called after her.  
"Pressly!" Kaidan shouted again. He closed his messaging console and ran after Hayden.  
"XO Pressly has the bridge," Pressly smirked. "Hey Alenko, she picked 'c' too! Not much of a shock there."  
Kaidan stopped. "Wait, what?"  
"The form auto-updates, Alenko. She picked 'c.' What are you standing here for, man? Go after her!"  
"Yeah," chimed in one of the technicians, "and be sure to close the door this time!"  
Kaidan felt his cheeks warm and was glad that his darker tone wouldn't show his blushing. He ran down the stairs, to Hayden's cabin. The room was dark when he entered, and he didn't see her at first.  
"It's a joke, right? They're not mad?" she asked nervously.  
Kaidan laughed, joined her where she was hiding in the corner. "Yes, they did it as a joke. It's actually a real form, though. No one ever reads it, but they send you a copy if you actually do get married."  
Hayden snuggled into his arms. "I wasn't sure if they were mad or not. Is the door closed?" she asked suddenly.  
Kaidan laughed again, "Yes, it's closed." He kissed her on the cheek. "Everyone likes seeing a happy couple, Hayden. They're just blowing off steam."  
"And you're not mad?"  
"Why would I be mad?" he asked, amused.  
"I don't know, maybe you didn't want people to know...." her voice trailed off as he pulled her even closer.  
"Hayden, seriously? Do you just want to hear me say that I'm different again?"  
"Sorry, I just... I don't know."  
"Yes, I'm different. I'm wildly, madly in love with you and I want the whole galaxy to know it. I'm insanely jealous of all the people you waste time thinking about when you could be thinking about more ways to kiss me."  
Hayden giggled. "Wait, what do you mean, more ways to kiss you?"  
"Let me demonstrate," Kaidan murmured, and bent his head to kiss her softly on the lips. He pulled her closer to him, she wrapped her arms around him. He smiled suddenly, unable to believe that he had really been given such a wonderful gift as Hayden's love. He kissed her again, felt her small hands tugging at his shirt. Kaidan smiled into the kiss, moved his arms so she could pull it off. He broke the kiss just long enough to get the shirt over his head, and pulled her back into his arms as soon as he could. Her hands moved over his back, playing with the outline of his muscles, running over his spine, pulling him as close as she could.  
"Do I have to tell you every time I want you?"  
He smiled. "For now, yes. We wouldn't want any mixed signals, would we?" He met her eyes, watched her hunger.  
She blushed, shy with unfamiliar need. "Want you," she said quickly. "Please."  
"You don't have to beg," he kissed her again, "just let me know. I don't want to make you uncomfortable. I love you, and I don't want you to think you have to do anything to please me." Kaidan grinned. "Although, I really like having sex with you. Just to be clear." Kaidan picked her up, making her laugh joyously, and wrapped her legs around him. Kissed her again, grinding his hardness against her, his hands on her hips. "You just worry me sometimes, that's all."  
He was acutely conscious of her smallness as he held her. She put her arms around his neck, pressed herself against him. "You're not hurting me, don't worry about that."  
He kissed her face, "If it's all the same to you, I'm going to worry about it anyway."  
She laughed, and laid her head on his shoulder, ran her hands down his sides. Played with the fastenings on his pants. "Want you," she said again. "I want you, Kaidan."  
He kissed her again, hungrily, and carried her over to the bed.  
She pulled off her clothes, threw them aside, while he kissed her again and again, and worked off the rest of his clothes. He lay down on the bed next to her, and she eagerly pulled him closer.  
With a grin, Kaidan shifted so he was lying on his back beneath her. Hayden giggled a bit nervously, bit her lip. He put his hands gently on her hips, and guided her back. "Take your time."  
She carefully raised herself a little, moved herself so that he just entered her body. She gasped, smiled, slowly worked her hips back and forth, up and down.  
Kaidan moaned in appreciation, but didn’t interrupt her. Let her play, let her explore. He knew this was all new territory to her. He hissed sharply as she sank all the way down, drew herself back up again with a wickedly excited smile.  
"This is so good," she whispered. "So good!"  
Kaidan smiled up at her, watched the joy and pleasure on her face. It didn’t take long before her need overcame her sense of playfulness. She pulled his hands back up to her hips, leaned forward slightly, bracing herself on his broad chest. Panting, they began to move together.  
Kaidan sat up, spread her legs a little farther so they could sit together. He kissed her again, wrapped his arms around her while he pounded his rhythm into her. Hayden shrieked a little, buried her face in his neck, wrapped her arms and legs around him as well.  
"Harder," she whimpered. She could tell he was holding back, and it drove her insane with desire. She wanted to see him lose control, she wanted to feel him wild and dark inside her.  
Kaidan stroked her back, kissed her face, but didn’t give her what she wanted. Instead, he skillfully brought her to climax, caressed her breasts, kissed her face, let her sink shuddering into his arms.  
He kissed her again, and lay back with a sigh, still holding her in his arms.  
"Are you asleep?" Hayden whispered.  
Kaidan stirred sleepily, but didn't answer or open his eyes.  
She kissed him nervously on the cheek, and he drowsily moved his hand, pulling her closer.  
"I've never been in love before," she went on, still whispering so quietly he could barely hear her. "I've never had a real friend, either. And now I have you, and I have Garrus, and my crew isn't plotting to vent my room." She laughed shakily, and Kaidan realized she wasn't making a joke, she was remembering something that had actually happened. "And it's all because of you, you know that right?" She kissed him again, to make sure he was still asleep. "It's like I'm a real person, a whole one, not just scattered bits and pieces just stuck together. And it's you. You're what I was missing." She kissed him, pressed her face to his. Her voice was shaking, quiet. "I love you, Kaidan. I love you, and you're going to hate me someday, I know you will. Everyone does. I'll do something wrong, and all this will be gone forever."  
He couldn't keep pretending to be asleep at that, and stirred, not opening his eyes just yet. Ran his hands over her body, her hair. She kissed him, and he turned his head to her lips, kissing her back. "Hello there," he murmured, opening his eyes.  
"Hi!" she said brightly, her calmness forced and jarring. Her eyes were unnaturally wide, as if she was holding back tears.  
Kaidan sat up a little. "Are you all right?"  
"I'm fine," she said softly. "Really. I didn't mean to wake you up."  
Kaidan grinned. "Ah, so you were kissing me in my sleep for no reason?"  
She blushed and looked down. "You're cute when you're asleep."  
"I thought maybe you wanted to tell me something."  
"Noo," she said uncertainly. "I just... wanted to kiss you."  
Kaidan smiled, a warm and comforting smile. "I can go back to sleep if you like. Or we could do something else that involves kissing."  
"That sounds nice!"  
"Nice," he laughed. "Okay," he kissed her again, turned her so she was lying on her back, and started his way down her body, kissing her chin, trailing his tongue down the side of her neck, kissing her shoulders, sliding his tongue over her breasts. She gasped, moaned, dug her fingers into his hair.  
"Oh, Kaidan, you're not going to, you don't have to," the words were lost in a short scream as his mouth touched her in a soft kiss, gentle at first, then more fiercely, licking away the traces of their earlier lovemaking, tasting her, touching her.  
He couldn't help himself, and made a small noise of appreciation, felt her quiver under his tongue. He draped her legs over his shoulders, buried his face between her legs, working his tongue inside her, over her clit, listening to her cry out in passion. He kissed her clitoris, swirled his tongue over her swollen, wet lips. She gasped his name, thrust herself against him. He gently held her in place, moved his tongue all over her while she came, shuddering, beneath him. He slid his tongue over her wetness one last time before he pulled away, sat up. He licked his lips, wiped his face clean and looked at her.  
Hayden was lying on the bed, flushed, her eyes closed. She reached out to him, pulled him down to her. "Please, Kaidan," she said softly, "one more time. I want you inside me."  
Kaidan smiled, kissed her neck. Already warm and wet, he entered her easily this time. She whimpered slightly, but pulled him close and wouldn't let him slow down. Her fingers dug into his back, marking him. He panted, trying to control himself, trying to pace himself against the warmth and tightness of Hayden's body. She wrapped her legs around him, rocked her hips so he could get deeper inside her, thrust back against him. "Hayden," he groaned, trying to find the words to tell her that she was ruining his rhythm, but knowing that she was doing it deliberately, knowing that she wanted him to lose control, that she wanted to see him wild and passionate and dark.  
He felt her shiver beneath him, a slight ripple of her muscles, the first sign of an impending orgasm. Kaidan couldn't help it, he wanted her so badly, wanted to hear her screaming his name. He shifted, put one hand on her shoulder, the other lifting her hips, holding her close so he could thrust himself harder and harder into her. Hayden threw her head back, gasping as he drew himself out almost all the way, then entered her again. He kissed her throat, tasting her pulse, feeling her quiver and shake in his arms. He lost control, thrust wildly into her, driving into her closeness and felt her muscles clench tightly around him. Kaidan cried out, ground himself against her, and she screamed in response, arching up to meet him, her legs locked behind him and her fingers scarring his back. He whispered her name again, kissed her lips as he came, mingling his wetness with her own.  
Kaidan took a few deep breaths before kissing her again, and rolled onto his back so that she could lie comfortably on him.  
Hayden snuggled happily into his arms, kept him inside her.  
"Did I hurt you?"  
Hayden laughed. "No, don't be silly. Did I hurt you?" she asked mockingly.  
"Were you trying to write your name on my back or something?" Kaidan sat up a little, looked at her shoulder. "I think I was a little rough there, you have bruises."  
She kissed his cheek. "They're pretty," she giggled.  
Kaidan kissed her back. "You know, that's not actually necessary," he murmured against her lips. "I don't really like losing control."  
"I like your strength," she said sweetly. "I like your power. Why are you afraid of hurting me?" Her eyes darkened slightly. "Even at your strongest, wildest moments, Kaidan, you're not nearly strong enough to hurt me. I can stop you anytime I want to." Hayden held her breath, wondering how he would react.  
"Are you sure?" he asked seriously.  
She smiled sweetly. "Yes, I'm sure. I promise, I won't do it too often, but it is very, very nice sometimes."  
"Nice," he repeated, laughing. "I don't think that's the right word for it. But no," he thought about it for a moment and smiled. "I guess it is."


	12. KAIDAN: "MEET IN HER ASPECT AND HER EYES." (BYRON)

He watched her filing reports, and could tell by the set of her shoulders that she was done. She leaned back in her chair, her eyes flickering over the screen in front her to make sure she hadn’t missed anything.  
Kaidan handed her a glass of fruit juice, which she accepted gratefully.  
"Kaidan? Can I ask you a question?"  
"Of course," he smiled gently. He had no idea what she wanted to know, he couldn’t see her eyes. She was still staring at the screen.  
"What happened to all the others?"  
"Hm?"  
"Well, you've been with a lot of women, haven't you?"  
"Oh, that." He smiled ruefully, and kept his eyes on her, trying to read her mood. "Well yes...why?"  
"Why aren't you still with them? Where did they all go?"  
He laughed, a little bitterly. "It's complicated."  
"Did you not like them?" Hayden was genuinely confused.  
"Well, I did. At the time. Then we got bored of each other."  
"All of them?"  
Kaidan just nodded.  
Hayden turned finally, and looked at him. "Not even just for the sex?"  
"No, Hayden, not even just for the sex." He smiled at her.  
"Oh." She considered him carefully, as if he were some new unusual alien creature.  
"Can I ask you a question?"  
"Yes, but only one." She folded her hands nervously, and waited.  
"Will you come out to dinner with me tomorrow night?"  
"What?"  
He smiled, tried not to laugh at her surprise. "Dinner. Not on the Normandy."  
"Uh…" she looked down at her hands. "Is this about that trip you took to the jewelry shop?"  
Kaidan raised an eyebrow. "Spying on me ruins the surprise, Hayden."  
"I know," she said softly. "I - " her shoulders slumped. "I can’t."  
"Okay, that needs a little bit more explanation."  
She shook her head. "I just can’t, I don’t want you to ask. It wouldn’t be fair."  
"Fair?"  
"You don’t know everything, Kaidan. It wouldn’t be fair to you." Hayden twisted her hands around each other, counting the bones in her hands. Trying to focus on anything that wasn’t Kaidan.  
"In case you haven’t noticed, I’m a grown man. I can make my own decisions, take my own risks. I don’t need to know everything about you, Hayden. I know what I want."  
She shook her head again. "No, no you don’t. I… I don’t want you to be trapped and stuck and then suddenly change your mind. Can’t we just stay as we are?"  
"That’s not an explanation, Hayden. And no, I don’t think we can stay as we are, not now. Not after everything that has happened." Kaidan stood, crossed the room to where she was sitting at her terminal. "Look at me."  
Hayden kept her head down. "Oh, Kaidan, why can’t you just leave it alone?"  
He pulled her out of the chair, put his arms around her. "Look at me," he repeated. "Look at me and tell me you don’t love me. Tell me you don’t want this."  
She tried to push him away, but the first touch of her hands to his chest made her weak, and she sank into his arms. Buried her head in her hands and let him hold her. "But what happens when you hate me? When you get bored of me?" she said softly, almost whispering.  
"How would I ever get bored of someone as insanely exasperating as you?"  
She laughed a little at that, but still refused to meet his eyes.  
"And why do you keep saying that I’ll hate you, Hayden? What are you so afraid of?"  
She shook her head, didn’t answer.  
"Is it that you don’t love me, Hayden? Is that what this is about?"  
"I don’t, not the same way that you love me."  
He laughed. "Now that, I know, is a lie."  
"You don’t know that!" she exclaimed fiercely. "How do you know what I feel?"  
He laughed, a little triumphantly, because he couldn’t help it. He tilted her head up to him, stroked her face. Kaidan watched her, kept his hand on her face. "Seventy-three," he murmured.  
"What?"  
He leaned down to her, kissed her before she could pull away or protest. Slowly and gently, holding her face in his hands. Pulled away, smiling. Watched her breathing, her eyes shyly sliding away from his. "That’s better. Back down to fifty-eight."  
"What?" For a second, she didn’t understand, then she blushed. "Oh."  
"And that’s not even counting the arrhythmia."  
She tried to glare at him, but failed and just sank back into his arms. "So you can make my heart skip a beat. That doesn’t prove anything." She put her arms around him again, and laid her head on his chest.  
He laughed again. "You trust me, Hayden. Your body knows you’re safe with me. I won’t push you to do anything, but I reserve the right to ask you again later."  
"But, Kaidan - "  
"And I will keep asking you until you tell me what’s wrong with you marrying me, or just give up and say yes. I win either way, really."  
She couldn’t fight against that, against his love and his faith. She held him tight, and tried not to cry. "I don’t understand you," she whispered. "I will never understand you."  
"And that’s why we will never be bored with each other." He kissed her again. "You’re not like anyone else I have ever known, Hayden. I don’t want you to be. I want you to be you, frustrating, weird, wonderful, beautiful, sexy, confusing, cute, you."  
She smiled. "You have a list."  
"I can go on," he murmured.  
She pulled his head to hers, kissed him softly. "I just… I don’t know how to make sense of all this. How did I manage to ever find you? The one person in the entire galaxy who is perfect for me?" She kissed him again. "It just doesn’t make any sense! I keep thinking I have to wake up, because this must be a dream." Her voice was shaking slightly.  
"Well, it’s a wonderful dream, and if you wake up, I’ll come find you again."


	13. KAIDAN: "AND THE CLOUDS PERISH'D; DARKNESS HAD NO NEED" (BYRON)

Kaidan stared, and tried to remember what life felt like. He looked down at the empty box they were lowering into the earth, and knew that everything in his world had changed again. He tried to keep his shoulders still, tried not to break down. He just stood and stared.  
The ceremony ended finally, and he waited for everyone else to leave before he turned away. He felt a hand on his arm, tentative and soft.  
"Kaidan?"  
He brushed the hand away, didn’t answer.  
"Please, Kaidan…" The tears in her voice enraged him.  
"Don’t touch me," he said harshly. "Just leave me alone."  
"You’re not the only one!" Liara sobbed. "You’re not the only one who loved her, Kaidan!"  
Before he could stop himself, he turned and slapped her across the face. "Don’t! Don’t you dare compare your – anything you have – don’t you dare!" He was so angry he could barely speak.  
Liara sobbed. "You can’t make me stop loving her! I won’t give her up, I won’t!" She covered her face with her arm and ran out of the cemetery, still sobbing wildly.  
He watched her leave, and his rage faded as quickly as it had flared. He turned away, and found himself staring again at the small memorial stone. That was all they had given her. They had promised a larger memorial, later. Something on Torfan, probably.  
Kaidan fell to his knees, unable to take his eyes away from the pale grey stone with her name on it. "Why?" he said softly. Why had he let her go?  
"Because she told you to." The warm, gravelly voice surprised him.  
Kaidan looked up, saw Garrus standing next to him. "I didn’t realize I said that out loud."  
"You didn’t. You don’t have to." Garrus crouched down next to Kaidan, comfortably close and familiar. "What does it say?" asked Garrus curiously. The carving was analogue, not digital. His translator couldn’t do anything with the old Earth writing.  
"Hayden Blaise Shepard. Born 4.11.2154, died…" Kaidan choked.  
"We know the date," said Garrus softly. "Go on."  
"Savior of the Citadel. Beloved."  
"I like that."  
Kaidan nodded. "I asked them to add that." He looked up as a few drops began to fall from the sky. "She would have loved this. She loved weather. Rain. Storms. Just the feel of the wind around her. She loved the colors of Earth. Until she mentioned it, I never really noticed how dull spaceships are. There are no shades, not like this." He pulled up a blade of grass. "Nothing here is just one color. Everything here has shades, greens and browns and blues…." His voice trailed off, and he twisted the blade of grass between his fingers.  
"Pinks," said Garrus unexpectedly. "Like in the sky, there." He pointed.  
Kaidan laughed at that. "Yes, pinks. She would have loved that sunset." The rain was stronger now, but he wasn’t sure if the wetness on his face was from the sky or from his soul. He hadn’t been able to cry until now. "Thank you for coming, Garrus. I … I really needed a friend." Kaidan covered his face with his hands, could smell the fresh rain and torn grass and turned earth. Before he could break down completely, Garrus stood, pulled him to his feet.  
"Come on, Kaidan."  
He nodded, rubbed away some water from his eyes. He took one last look, not at the stone, but at the sky. The wild riot of colors on the horizon. The clouds, grey and white, clustered haphazardly. The rain was falling more softly now, cold and stinging. "She would have really loved this." Kaidan walked out of the cemetery, side by side with Garrus.


	14. KAIDAN: "OF AID FROM THEM--SHE WAS THE UNIVERSE." (BYRON)

Hayden sat quietly in her room, unable to cry. Unsure of what to do.  
Kaidan. Did he hate her? Did he still love her? She couldn’t tell. All she knew was that he still existed, he still cared a little, and she wasn’t allowed to touch him or be with him. Was that really enough? It would have to be, wouldn’t it?  
She slumped in her chair, her hands folded neatly in her lap, her head down and her hair falling to cover her face.  
The door beeped, interrupting her and rousing her from her stillness. "Who is it?" she asked.  
"It’s me," said Garrus.  
Hayden couldn’t hold back a smile. "Come in."  
Garrus walked in. "Are you all right?"  
She shook her head. "No, but I’m okay, I guess. That actually went a lot better than I thought it would."  
"Do you want to talk about it?"  
"No," she whispered. "I don’t want to think about it at all." She shuddered, trying to hold back a scream. "I can’t even blame him, can I?" She looked up at Garrus, her eyes wild and lost. "Why am I even here, Garrus? What am I doing here?"  
"You’re doing what you do best," said Garrus, a strange gentleness in his voice.  
Hayden smiled at him, calmed by his faith in her. "I don’t know what to do with myself now. Got any ideas?"  
Garrus grinned at her. "Come on, let’s go to Omega and shoot some bad guys. It’ll be fun."  
She considered. "Why not?" She got her armor and followed him down to the shuttle bay.  
They ended up in an alley of Omega, sitting on a wall over the remains of a nest of Vorcha. Hayden was idly levitating bottles and scraps, and Garrus was effortlessly shooting them out of the air. They were back to back, sitting comfortably as only two people who trust each other can.  
"He was really torn up when he lost you," said Garrus suddenly. "He blamed himself for letting you go back."  
Hayden didn’t answer.  
"I still don’t think he’s over it," Garrus observed.  
"It doesn’t really matter," said Hayden sadly. "He’s Alliance, he can’t come with us without giving up everything he’s ever lived for. It would destroy him." She threw another bottle with her biotics, and Garrus sniped it, shattering it before it could hit the wall.  
"You were Alliance too."  
"I don’t have a choice."  
"You could leave if you really wanted to. I’d help you, you know that."  
She smiled. "You’re a good friend, Garrus. I don’t really want to leave, though. I like the freedom here, and all the nice toys. So long as they don’t expect me to start marching in pro-Human rallies, I’m okay with working for Cerberus."  
Garrus snorted. "Like those stupid old vids, with that moustache guy?"  
"Yeah, if they start that crap, I’m flying the Normandy 2 right into a sun."  
Garrus chuckled. "Right behind you, Shepard."  
She tossed another bottle, and watched him do a blindingly fast snap shot that ripped the bottle in half before the stress caused it to shatter. "Garrus?"  
"Yes?"  
"I’m really glad you’re here with me. It makes the old times… not so far away."  
Garrus didn’t say anything for a moment. She couldn’t see his face in the darkness, not the way they were sitting. "Heatsink is drained," he muttered suddenly, and popped the heatsink.  
"Oh, you and your guns. Come on, let’s get back to the ship." She stood on the wall, and held out a hand to Garrus to help him up.  
It only seemed ridiculous from the outside, the sight of a small Human female holding out her hand to a Turian half again as tall as she was. He put his hand in hers carefully, let her pull him up to his feet. Garrus followed Hayden as they walked back together, and somehow forgot to take his hand away.


	15. GARRUS: TRUE FRIENDS MAKE THE BEST LOVERS.  (SOMETHING HEARD ONCE, A LONG TIME AGO.)

"Hey, Garrus, do you have a minute?"  
Garrus looked around nervously. "Sure, Shepard." He closed the Main Battery doors behind Hayden, waited until she sat down. "Was there something you wanted?"  
"I want you to be straight with me. This isn't the first time you've thought about... doing this, is it?"  
"Ah, heh, erm... well. Well, I - no. It isn't. I just never thought it was possible before." He paused, sensed that she was waiting for more. "Shepard, I've been fascinated by you since the first time we met. We worked together, we were friends. Kaidan and I were friends, he talked about you all the time and I loved listening to every second of it." Garrus shifted slightly, looked down. "Like I was loving you through him." He looked up at her, suddenly somber. "And then everything changed. I thought you were dead, we all did. He moved on, or at least tried to, but I just couldn't. I couldn't take losing you. I heard this crazy rumor, that you might still be alive, somewhere, and I walked out of C-Sec and went to Omega to find out. But nothing came out it, or at least, that's what I thought. I took up being a vigilante because I had nothing else to do, and I didn't want to leave Omega. Not until I was sure."  
"Garrus." Her voice seemed to caress the name, and her smile was wonderful.  
"One of the guys I worked with, not on my team, but someone I knew, he - he had a Human woman. They lived together. I always wanted to ask him about it, but I never did. She always looked so happy. They left Omega a little while before my showdown started. I don't know where they are now. So I knew it was possible, that it could work. I didn't - I mean, you had Kaidan. You loved him. I didn't think I had a chance, shouldn't even bother trying."  
"And then we went to Horizon."  
"Yeah, that was... quite an eye-opener. I never expected him to... well, I guess I can sort of understand, but.... I still wasn't sure, even after dealing with Sidonis, but I figured why the hell not. At least take a chance."  
Hayden smiled sweetly. "And now we get to read Mordin's perverse pamphlet collection."  
"Yeah." Garrus coughed nervously. "Apparently it happens more often than you would think."  
"Well, I grew up on Earth and mostly served on Alliance ships. I can honestly say that the thought never crossed my mind until you started talking about relieving stress."  
"Really?"  
"Really."  
"Huh." Garrus considered, while Hayden watched him. A moment of awkward silence.  
Hayden stood up, and put her arms around Garrus. "So, Garrus...what did you think of me when you first saw me?"  
Garrus chuckled. "The first thing I thought when I first saw you was, why isn't anyone watching that little girl?" Nervous and pleased at the same time.  
"What?" She smiled in confusion.  
"The first time I saw you," he explained, "you were on the Presidium, teasing Avina and a Keeper." He pulled her a little closer, and Hayden smiled at him. "I was crossing on the other side, and I heard Avina give the warning three times in a row. All I could see was a little gold-colored head, giggling, and then you poked the Keeper again."  
"Oh! I miss that Avina terminal." She tried not to giggle at the memory, and failed.  
"Yeah... so anyway. I got closer, and was going to ask where your parents were, and tell you to leave the Keepers alone. Then I saw the shotgun, and the armor..."  
Hayden laughed.  
"I decided to just leave well enough alone, and headed for the Tower. Okay, my turn. What did you think of me when you first saw me?"  
"I thought, that guy doesn't look like a Turian."  
"When was that?"  
"You were arguing with Executor Pallin. First of all, I'd never seen a Turian with blue facial markings before. I don't think I've ever seen one, actually."  
Garrus coughed again. "Yeah, it is kind of rare. But go on."  
"You were arguing. You never see Turians argue with a superior officer. Not right to their face! And you were totally in his face about it. Completely aggressive body language. I wanted to cheer."  
"You should have," he grinned. "Pallin would have keeled over from shock."  
"Garrus?"  
"Yes?"  
"Stop calling me Shepard."  
"What? Oh, that's, uh, that's going to take some practice."  
"Start now."  
"Right. I might get it wrong, just so you know."  
"Say it."  
Oddly, the thought of calling her by her personal name made him more nervous than anything he had ever done. "Hayden."  
She smiled, her whole face seemed to light up with joy. She pulled away. "I'll let you get back to work now."  
"Right. Work." He watched her walk away. "Right."  
Hayden waved goodbye, walked back to the elevator. She reached out to send the elevator to her cabin, then suddenly changed her mind and decided to pay Mordin a quick visit.  
"Okay, Mordin, I have a few questions... about all this stuff...."  
"Certainly, Shepard. Here to help."  
"First off, why do you even have these? Is this... is there really this big a market for information on interspecies contact between Turians and Humans?" Hayden tried not to blush as she spoke.  
"Of course. Humans on Omega, more females than males. Seek partners, seek protection. Turians everywhere, more males than females. Powerful. Members of mercenary groups. Established customs. Also," Mordin paused, coughed. "Humans much more curious, sexually. Not as inhibited as most species."  
"You mean we'll have sex with anything."  
"Indeed. Not a bad thing," he clarified hurriedly. "Not necessarily promiscuous, just very curious. A lot of people get pamphlets, just to read. Not actually planning to do... anything. Just want to know. Helpful."  
"Yeah, I can see that." Hayden looked down, bit her lip. "So like, you interviewed people, I take it? That's where you go all this... information?"  
"Of course. Interviewed, tested, gathered data. Each iteration of testing made it easier for next group. Improved medications based on experiences and trials. Now accepted standard in certain sections of Omega."  
Hayden shook her head. "You know, I kind of wondered about that... never mind."  
"Was there anything else, Shepard?"  
"No... well... yes, one more thing." She blushed furiously. "No, never mind, I'll just find out for myself. Thanks, Mordin." Hayden turned and fled the Tech Lab, hoping no one noticed that she was bright red and flushed.  
Dr. Solus chuckled to himself. "Thought for sure she would ask about the ridges. Oh, well, she'll be back."


	16. GARRUS: "HAVE NOT SAINTS LIPS, AND HOLY PALMERS TOO?" (SHAKESPEARE)

"You're talking too much." Hayden closed the space between them, gently stroked the scar on his face. Her touch was electric, and Garrus inhaled sharply.  
Garrus wondered wildly if this was really happening. He tried to explain himself, knew he was fumbling over the words. Her hands, tiny and impossibly soft on his skin. He forced himself to breathe deeply, fighting for some semblance of control.  
With a sweet smile, she reached out and took one of his hands, pulled his arm into encircling her slender waist. Hayden leaned into the support of his arm, trailed her hand over his face, down his neck, savoring the texture of his skin. It reminded her of fine leather, strong, durable. It didn't strike her as alien as she had thought it would. Garrus closed his eyes as her fingers trailed over his face, gently touching the sides of his mouth, his scar again, then over his head fringes, stroking slowly, exploring.  
She pulled him down, and reached up, tilting her head slightly, touching her face to his. Silk on leather. She kissed his cheek, wrapped her arms around his neck, sighed softly.  
"Hayden," he whispered. Garrus lifted her in his arms, a little surprised by how well she fit against his body. Shouldn't this feel stranger, he asked himself as he sat down on the bed, cradling her in his arms. She continued touching him, slowly and carefully, pressing her warm little lips against his skin. He could feel her body temperature rising slightly, smelled a slight change in her scent. Garrus brushed his face against her neck, reveling in the heat and slight dampness of her skin on his. One mandible struck her collarbone, making her hiss sharply.  
"Did I hurt you?" he asked nervously, looked down at her.  
Hayden's ice-blue eyes were as dark as he had ever seen them, pupils dilated, her face flushed. She was breathing deeply and quickly, and smiling in a way that made it very clear that whatever she was feeling wasn't being interpreted as pain. "Believe me, Garrus, if I want you to stop, you'll know."  
"I thought it took a while for Human women to er... warm up...."  
"I started 'warming up' the second you walked into my room."  
Her voice, her body warm in his arms, her scent, everything about her at this moment aroused his instincts as a predator and a male. Garrus knew what the change in her scent meant. He had smelled it on her often enough when she had been with Alenko. His jealousy of Alenko, insane as it was, added to his desire to possess her. It wasn't just a Human woman that he wanted, it was Hayden Shepard. Hayden, who Kaidan had claimed as his own and then rejected; Hayden, who had come to him as a friend and demanded more; Hayden, fragile and small, powerful and dangerous.  
Garrus closed his eyes, brushed his face against her again, more carefully this time. A sort of kiss. Skin against skin, trading warmth and scent. He felt her chest press against him, her breaths deep and erratic. Heard her heartbeat, steady and strong but slightly faster than normal. He slid a hand down her body, feeling the unfamiliar softness, learning the curves of a Human. Hayden made a noise, inarticulate but very sweet to hear. She moved back, stripped off her tunic.  
"I want to touch you," she whispered. "Everywhere."  
Garrus undid the fastenings, pulled off his shirt as well. Watched her watch him. Hayden reached out, slid a hand over the smooth plates of his chest. Stronger, stiffer than his face. An interesting series of ridges, some sharper than others. Her hand played over his chest, and she leaned closer. He slid a hand over her bare skin, carefully ran a talon along her spine.  
Hayden gasped, shivered. "Cold!" she laughed. "Oh, that feels good." She settled herself more comfortably in his lap, continued playing with the unfamiliar shape of Garrus' body.  
"I think Mordin needs to reassess his position on cross-species pheromone arousal," Garrus murmured. "Either that, or you just smell like sex."  
Hayden laughed, caressed his shoulders. Garrus laid her down on the bed, lay down next to her. "So many fun spiky bits!" she purred, running her hands over the sharp angles of his body.  
"I can't get over how soft you are, and yet," he trailed a hand over her hipbone, "solid."  
"Flexible, too," she raised a shapely leg in the air to demonstrate, touching his shoulder with her toes.  
"Mmmm." Garrus slid a hand over the soft, soft, wet spot between her legs that her movement exposed. Hayden arched back into the contact with a moan, closed her eyes. He moved his hand against her, watched her throw her head back, moaning again. Her hair fell over her face, leaving one half-closed eye visible, and a very wide smile. She met Garrus' eyes, flushed a little and bit her lip. Laughed.  
"You must think I'm really easy."  
"I think you're a lot of fun to play with."  
With a grin, she pushed herself up on her elbows, moved her leg down over Garrus' arm, touching him with her toes. Pulled herself up to her knees, his eyes watching her every move, slid off the bottom half of her uniform. "Your turn."  
Garrus stood up, stripped off the rest of clothes so they were both naked. Alien, yet familiar. Wanted, and slightly wanton.  
"Well," she said. "I'm not the only one, I see...." Hayden placed her hand on his waist, smiled, slowly drew her hand over his sharply angular hips to the long hard shaft between his thighs. She pushed her hair back with one hand, let the other encircle the base, feel the swirling ripples that were meant to assist in penetration for a species so different from her own. "These go all the way up, don't they? I'm going to really enjoy this."  
His shaft jerked in her hand, a typical mammalian response to stimulation. Hardly alien at all.  
She flicked her eyes up to look at him. Garrus was standing very still, eyes closed. "I think you have to lie down for this to work. Or we could try a different position."  
"I think you have to take your hand away so I can think straight."  
Hayden smiled. "Not a fetish, huh?" Stroked her hand over his shaft.  
Garrus laughed and pulled her hand away. "It wasn't until now." He sat down, paused for a moment to stroke her hair. "Seriously, Hayden, I never thought this would be so... exciting."  
Smiling, she pushed him down on the bed. "You haven't seen anything yet." Straddled his body. With a sudden flash of wickedness, leaned forward, let the tendrils of her hair brush across his chest, turned her head so they would sweep across his chest again.  
Garrus flinched the first time, drawing in a deep breath. Grabbed at her the second time, snarled something she didn't understand.  
Hayden laughed darkly, tossed her head back and smiled sweetly at him.  
"Don't do that! At least not without warning." Suddenly realized his hands were wrapped around her very soft, warm hips. "Oh."  
She shook her head, laughed at the look on his face. Hayden slid her hands over his, kept them in place while she raised her hips, positioned herself over him. Garrus took a deep breath, shifted slightly. Felt the heat, the moistness of her body as she slid back onto his shaft, entered her in one smooth motion. She made a shocked noise of pleasure, stopped halfway down, raised herself back to the tip. Rolled her hips over him with a joyful smile.  
"I can't even tell you how good this feels," she gasped.  
Garrus didn't respond for a moment. "I can guess," he said finally. Looked up at her, and they started laughing together. Relief, mixed with a sudden surge of desire. Realizing that they weren't alien to each other at all. He smiled, pulled her back down, thrust upward to meet her.  
He had no idea how long they spent enjoying each other. He only knew that she was soft, and warm, and amazingly strong. That her muscles gripped him tightly, spasming around his shaft periodically and her whole body would shudder in response. That her breath started to come in short, harsh gasps that made her lovely little breasts heave as she rocked back and forth on him. That she screamed when he came, and her whole body shook.  
He pulled her carefully to his chest as she swayed, cradling her protectively in his arms. Held her, watched her smile.  
"You said my name," he whispered, in awe. "Screamed, actually...."  
Hayden looked at him. Smiled again, and wrapped her arms around her lover.


	17. GARRUS: "THUS FROM MY LIPS, BY YOURS, MY SIN IS PURGED." (SHAKESPEARE)

"So the next time you're out on the town with Officer Vakarian," the advertisement droned to Hayden's delight.  
"Okay, you can stop that now." Garrus pretended to be annoyed and pulled Hayden away.  
Hayden let herself be pulled into Garrus' arms, laughing lightly. "It's fun!"  
"You filthy creature!" A Human woman, unfamiliar to either of them, stopped right in front of Garrus and Hayden, hissed at her. "Do you even think about the consequences of your actions?"  
"Consequences?" asked Hayden innocently.  
The Human woman practically spat the words at her. "What other people think when they see you slutting around with that - that alien!"  
"Oh, no, I don't. I'd rather spend my time thinking about the toe-curling orgasms."  
"What?" The woman glared at Hayden. "Traitor! Don't you care about all the men and women who died fighting these monsters?"  
Hayden stared at the woman in amusement, then turned to Garrus. "Hey, honey, when you come up to my room tonight, we can pretend to have First Contact all over again, and you can occupy my Shanxi!"  
"Okay, that was just bad," Garrus groaned. "You're not allowed to talk to Humans anymore."  
"What? That was a lot better than your heat sink line."  
Garrus picked her up and walked away from the screaming Human woman. "Let's just go."  
Hayden giggled at the woman. "And then later, we can play Turian pirates raiding a Human outpost!"  
"Please stop talking, Shepard."  
"It'll be fun!"  
"You're going to start a riot."  
"More fun!"  
"Besides, if you want to play something, I would rather appreciate Human culture. Like one of the dancing girls in those ancient vids. I'd appreciate that."  
"Put me down, I need to do some shopping."  
Hayden ran off, Garrus followed her more slowly, making sure that the Human woman wouldn't start a scene. The woman finally stopped screaming when two C-Sec officers approached her. Garrus shook his head and walked up the stairs after Hayden.  
Two floors above, a man sat down shakily in the anteroom of a spotless clinic. Buried his head in his hands.  
"Kaidan? Are you okay?" Her accent, so alluring in the past, grated on his nerves today.  
"I'll be fine," he whispered. Didn't look at her.  
She was a beautiful woman by contemporary Human standards. Long, wavy dark hair, slightly slanted brown eyes, full-bodied. A perfect blend of every strain of Humanity. "Let me guess," she said sharply, unable to keep the irritation from her voice. "You don't want to talk about it."  
"Inez, please. Not now."  
"Not now, not ever. Just wait until you get bored of me too, and I slip down the list to be another one of those women leaving pathetic messages on your terminal."  
"I should have known my day could get worse," he muttered. "Inez, what do you want from me?"  
"You selfish bastard! What do you think I want? I want to know where I stand with you! I want to know if we have a future together!" The other workers in the clinic had already retreated to the back room, leaving the two of them practically alone. "Ever since you came back from that assignment, you've been like this. You shut me out, you won't tell me anything!"  
The image of a woman, small, slight and pale, almost childish in her proportions, her hands laid familiarly on an alien chest, her eyes wide and laughing as only a woman in love can, burned itself into his brain. All these years. All this pain. All for nothing. He still couldn't let her go.  
"I'm sorry, Inez." He stood up, still didn't meet her eyes. Pushed her hands away. Tried not to listen to her heartbroken sobs as he walked out.  
Kaidan walked over to the railing and looked down again. She wasn't there anymore, and neither was Garrus. Of all the people in the galaxy, why did it have to be Garrus? Seeing her with a Cerberus agent would have hurt less. He could still hear her sweet voice whispering to him, explaining that Garrus was the only other person she had ever trusted, and that she had only learned to trust him because of Kaidan's love.  
And then he saw her, coming out of a weapons store on the level below this. Her datapad out, showing something to Garrus. Kaidan moved back, made sure he was in the shadows. Watched them smile and laugh, hands on each other the way new lovers do when they forget they aren't alone. Kaidan closed his eyes.  
He couldn't let her go. But he couldn't ruin her happiness, either. Kaidan sighed, and watched the man he had once trusted more than anyone else in the galaxy walk away with the woman he loved more than life itself.


	18. GARRUS: "TOO EARLY SEEN UNKNOWN, AND KNOWN TOO LATE!" (SHAKESPEARE)

"Garrus, I need you to do something really, really important."  
"Oh, here it comes," Joker sneered.  
Garrus looked over in confusion.  
Hayden ignored Joker. "I need you to start a ColonyTown farm and be my friend, so I can improve my Nug breeding line."  
Garrus stared blankly at her.  
"Just do it," advised Joker. "You don't even have to play, they just need more people so their damn rabbit-pigs don't become inbred and die."  
"There's more to it than that!" snapped Miranda. "We just take our Althing very seriously and refuse to let strangers in."  
"So instead you're recruiting the entire ship and setting them up with farm gnomes and automated scripts so they don't have to actually play."  
"I'm confused - what are you talking about?" asked Garrus.  
"Here," Hayden leaned on him, pulled up his omni-tool and started installing one of those deceptively simple network games that were the plague of productivity across the galaxy. Miranda joined her, the two women completely oblivious to his presence as they set Garrus up with a little homestead in their ColonyTown of Normandy.  
Kelly walked past, noticed the omni-tools, and rushed over as well. "I thought Garrus already had a farm!"  
"Wait, wait," Crewman Goldstein ran up. "I have a bunch of gifts I need to get rid of."  
"What?" Garrus was trying not to think about all the Human woman leaning over him. "Joker, what is going on?"  
"The setup is all decorating and gift-giving and setting up the Nug farm, it gets very girly."  
"Joker."  
"Oh come on, Commander, you sat there for two hours decorating my little farmhouse before you even let me play."  
"Two hours of this?" Garrus looked up. "I think I'm okay with that."  
Joker glared at Garrus.  
"You weren't complaining at the time."  
"And then you got EDI to write the scripts for you! How is that not cheating?"  
"Wait," Garrus asked, "how did you get Joker to hold his arm in one position for two hours?"  
Kelly smiled. "Oh, I helped. I'm very supportive."  
"That you are," Garrus observed. "And what is the point of this game?"  
"You have a farm, and your town has to work together to grow enough food to survive. And you do that by raising Nugs, and your Nugs have to be happy otherwise they taste terrible and no one will want to eat them," Kelly explained.  
"But if you have a really tasty Nugs, other towns will try to attack you," Jack grinned, "so someone also has to grow Womps to defend your town, and Bandits so you can do counterattacks!" Jack jumped over the table so she could see what Garrus' new farm looked like, pulled out her omni-tool.  
"And Griffins," Joker added, "so you can get your Nugs to market."  
"We also have Gnomes, because our ColonyTown is so rich," said Hayden. "Gnomes do the hard labor for you so you have time to do stuff like shopping for gifts."  
"You need gifts to give to other citizens so everyone's happiness level stays really high," explained Goldstein.  
"You should make him the Blacksmith, Shepard. Then I can get upgraded weapons and Zaeed can get new fishing poles," offered Jack.  
"You play this game too?" Garrus asked.  
"Yeah," Jack held out her omni-tool. "I'm the Bandit Leader! I've wiped out three towns already for attacking ColonyTown Normandy. They keep trying to outlaw me, but Jacob is really good at keeping me under wraps."  
Garrus looked at Jacob.  
"I'm the Sherriff," Jacob explained. "Part of my job is protecting the Bandit Leader from being arrested."  
"If he's going to be the Blacksmith, then he has to grow Womps, too." Hayden changed some more options on Garrus' omni-tool.  
"Here," Goldstein leaned over again. "Let me give him some more Gnomes."  
"So, does everyone play this game?" asked Garrus.  
"Mostly," Hayden admitted. "It got a lot easier when EDI unlocked the requirements for growing HQ Nugs."  
"You got an AI to hack the game for you?"  
"What? No, I set her up with an account so she could move in with Joker. She went a little crazy after that."  
EDI popped up. "Improving the performance of the ColonyTown meant that everyone's experience in the game would be improved."  
"Yeah," said Hayden absently. "That's why we can't let any strangers in."  
Garrus considered. "So why doesn't EDI just play the game for everyone?"  
"The game is designed to punish artificial behaviors. Gameplay requires a certain amount of genuine organic interaction in order for the player to succeed, recorded in the form of a hidden statistic known as 'truthiness' in the game code. If a player's 'truthiness' drops below a certain point but their happiness continues increasing, the game begins to penalize the player. Since 'truthiness' is a hidden stat, VIs can't react to it," EDI explained.  
"But you know about it."  
"I don't feel like working around it."  
Hayden grinned. "If she breaks the 'truthiness' code, then Joker doesn't have to log in and take her avatar for long walks on the beach."  
Joker rolled his eyes. "I would do it anyway, geez. Women."  
"Wait, you get to go for long walks on the beach? Is the beach warm?"  
"Yes," said Joker, "and more yes. Skinny dipping in Silver Pool only, please. Zaeed does his fishing everywhere else."  
"By the way, Jeff, two of the Griffin eggs are due to hatch in five minutes."  
"What? Already?" Joker pulled up his omni-tool and fired up ColonyTown.  
EDI disappeared.  
"What's EDI's job in ColonyTown?"  
"She's the Village Sage."  
"Does Dr. Chakwas play?"  
"Of course, she's the doctor there too. She grows Pet Nugs and teaches them to do cool tricks."  
"Okay, who doesn't play? Maybe that would be easier."  
"Grunt doesn't play, he doesn't have the patience. Legion, technically, doesn't play either. He helps Jack with Bandit raids, though. Mostly just planning. And Mordin and Samara don't play, they claim they're too old."  
Garrus looked around. Saw that no one thought it was at all odd for Hayden to be leaning on him, her arm possessively draped over his shoulder. Then again, he'd never noticed that Miranda and Jacob were a couple before. He looked up at Hayden, then at all the crewmembers bent over their omni-tools, whispering to each other. Enforced informality, as it were. He saw Jacob give Miranda a quick, surreptitious kiss on the cheek. Kenn and Gabby, heads together, serious in their little game and far too close to each other for this to be the first time they had done so. He looked up at Hayden, pulled her a little closer so he could see what she was doing on his omni-tool.  
Hayden sat down in his lap, and he saw the little in-game gnomes running around, building an extension to a large pink and white building labeled 'Mayor's House.' In front of the house, the ColonyTown version of Hayden was holding hands with her little version of Garrus while they directed the gnomes. Little pink and red hearts were floating above their heads.  
Garrus looked at her. Hayden continued directing the builders and didn't look at him.  
"You need to stop doing that for about ten minutes," he whispered in her ear.  
She looked at him, her face unreadable.  
"Maybe more," he whispered, looked down at her curves rather pointedly. "But we need to go to your cabin right now...."  
Hayden smiled, blushed a little. Sent a series of commands to execute on the game, and stood up. Garrus did the same, and they casually walked over to the elevator.  
Joker snickered quietly, but didn't say anything.  
Miranda and Jacob seemed oblivious, but he noticed they were a lot closer to the door of her room than they had been a few moments ago.  
Hayden waited until the elevator doors were closed to throw her arms around Garrus with a laugh. Reached up, kissed his neck, fumbled with the fastenings on his armor.  
With a low growl, he lifted her so that she could reach the back and wrap her legs around him. She kissed the skin at his neck, ground her body against his armor, dug her fingers into the sensitive skin at his shoulders after she opened the top section of his armor. "Stop that," he growled.  
Hayden just laughed, rubbed her body against him. "Make me." Laughed again. "Serves you right for running around in armor all the time." She ran her hands over his exposed skin, making him hiss at the contact. Her hands were warm, soft, tantalizing. With an evil little smile, she shifted, slid a hand down the front of her own uniform. Moved her hips against his body with a sigh. Drew her hand out, wet and shining. Ran her hand over Garrus' face so he could smell her, feel the warm wetness for himself.  
"You little..." The elevator finally arrived outside her cabin. "I can't believe you're already wet."  
"Why are you so surprised? You're hard already, aren't you?" She ground herself against him again, trying to feel him through his armor. "Stop being so damn sexy, then."  
He laughed, carried her over to the bed. She pulled his chestplate off, threw it to the side of the bed. Wriggled up, started pulling off the rest of his armor. He buried his face in the soft skin of her neck, rubbed his face in her sweat, her scent. Carefully pulled off her leggings. Grinned as she helped, moving her legs so he could strip her without dislodging her from her perch on his hip ridges. "Flexibility," he murmured with a laugh.  
She laughed joyously, ran her hands down the muscles and plates of his arms. Smirked at him. "So are you going to try your reach, again?"  
He smiled, pulled off her tunic and underclothes. Hayden lay down on her back on the bed, so he could see her face while he stood. She moved a little closer to the edge of the bed. Garrus stroked the underside of her legs with the back of his hands. "Your scars healed fast."  
She grinned. "The look on Chakwas' face was the funniest thing I've ever seen. Still, I'll be more careful this time."  
"Yeah, not all of us have the galaxy's most expensive cybernetic implants." Garrus chuckled. "She thought you were joking when you told her she should see the other guy." He looked at her position, considering.  
Hayden smiled, spread her legs a little wider. "Does that help?"  
"How far back can you bend your legs?" he asked.  
"I could tuck them behind my ears if I had to," she said with a little laugh. She looked up at him. Her eyes darkened slightly as she considered the possiblities. "It would actually be easier if you were leaning on me, a little. Kind of holding them in place."  
Garrus twitched slightly. "Yeah, that's what I was... yeah." He shook his head, slid his hands along the back of her legs, pushing her legs back and apart so that he could penetrate her without doing too much damage to the skin of her thighs. Half-standing, half-leaning over Hayden, Garrus entered her slowly and carefully.  
Hayden whimpered in pleasure, and he could feel her muscles pulse over every ridge of his shaft. She slid her hands over his arms, placed her hands over his, used the leverage to work herself on him, pulling him deeper inside her. Moaning with each stroke. Her head thrown back on the bed, her hair a silvery-gold halo. A sweet, satisfied smile on her lips.  
Garrus kept his hands on her legs, moved slowly, keeping himself in control. He moved his hands over her legs, caressing the smooth, soft skin; the muscles beneath. Watched her toss her head from side to side on the bed. Listened to her eager cries. He closed his eyes, leaned in closer and shifted his position slightly, still keeping his hands on her legs. He growled with pleasure as he sank deeper into Hayden and she convulsed around him, screaming. He held still while she screamed, her fingernails digging into the sensitive skin between the plates of his forearms as her hands clenched in blind reflex.  
Hayden sank back, gasping. "Oh, dammit, Garrus, I'm sorry," she sighed and pulled her hands away, tucked them under the pillow. "I'll get that right next time."  
He chuckled deep in his throat, half a laugh and and half a snarl of desire. "It was worth it." Took a deep breath, eyes closed, while her spasming muscles worked around his shaft, milking it. Garrus exhaled slowly. "Yeah, that was absolutely worth it." He stretched, still running his hands over her legs and keeping them in place. Looked up at the ceiling.  
She laughed gently. "It's not working, is it?"  
"Nope." He laughed, looked back down at her. "You don't mind, do you?"  
Hayden laughed, a sound full of hunger and desire. "Let me move." Slid herself off his shaft, stiff and hard again from her orgasm, and arranged herself on her hands and knees. "For the record, Garrus, I'm not crazy enough to ever refuse this." Tossed him a quick glance over her shoulder. "So you can stop asking."  
"Duly noted." He put his hands on her hips, pulled her back onto him. Groaned in pleasure. Murmured something about how amazing she was, forgetting where he was.  
"I love it when you say things in Palaven," she gasped. Rocked back, taking him as deep as she could. Let herself be guided by his hands on her hips. Dug her fingers into the sheets, idly noted that her hands were leaving blue bloodstains. Soon enough, the building sensations from Garrus' motions had her writhing in ecstasy again. Hayden shrieked once, buried her head in the sheets, forced herself back on Garrus' shaft.  
Garrus slammed into Hayden one last time, came inside her with a wild growl, their fluids mingling and leaking from inside her.  
Shuddering, Hayden pulled away from him, with one small moan at the end. Garrus sat down on the bed next to her, ran a hand over her incredibly sexy body. She stretched out, arching into his caresses.  
"So good," she whispered. Smiled at him. Hayden slid out of bed, walked to the bathroom. "I'll be right back."  
Garrus looked ruefully down at his arms. "You never ripped Kaidan up like this."  
He saw her back stiffen at the name, but her voice was light as she replied. "Hurting Kaidan just makes him cry. Hurting you makes you come even harder."  
"Oh, so you're saying this is my fault. You humans are all - " His joke was cut off by a towel to the face. Garrus laughed, and stretched out on the bed, waiting for Hayden to finish her shower. He decided he would leave the subject for another day.


	19. DISLOYALTY: "HE BEATS HER, HE BINDS HER, HE LAYS HER ON A BAND" (FAIRY TALES, TRADITIONAL)

"I don't drink," said Hayden flatly. "I'll just have water."  
The bartender shook his head in disbelief, and handed her a glass of water.  
Hayden ignored him, and sipped at her glass while waiting for Garrus to finish talking to his old friend from C-Sec. Thane was just outside the bar, talking to a Hanar. Hayden drank more from her glass of water, and barely noticed the bartender slip away. Or rather, she noticed it, but didn't make anything of it. She was too absorbed in staring at the Hanar. Finally she couldn't stand it anymore, and walked out to where Thane was standing.  
"Is something wrong, Commander?"  
"That Hanar... it's pink."  
Thane didn't react for a moment. "All Hanar are pink, Commander."  
"Yeah, but that one is really, really pink. Are Hanar squishy, Thane? Like huggable? Or do they squoosh?" Hayden made gestures with her hands as she spoke that would have made sense to a human, but were impossibly alien to all other species.  
"You're not all right, Commander."  
"No, I'm fine, it's just... very pink. A very nice pink. A happy pink. Oh! Is that Kaidan?" Hayden ran off before Thane could stop her.  
Thane quickly apologized to the very embarrassed Hanar, and chased Hayden up the stairs. He opened the comm channel as he ran. "Vakarian? Something is wrong with the Commander. Come to the domestic shuttle bay immediately." Thane found her hiding behind a door to one of the private shuttle stations.  
"Shh!" she whispered. "I think the Volus saw me."  
Thane shifted Hayden slightly away from the door, and scanned the shuttle bay inside. He spotted the cowering Volus immediately, as they are not built for stealth. He also noticed that the small private shuttle inside had weapons and bore marks of a recent fight. That meant the owners weren't honest traders.  
"Thane! Look out!" Hayden pushed him out of the way as a container, hurled from the shuttle bay opposite, struck the wall and shattered, releasing a pungent bluish-red powder. Hayden tried not to inhale it and stagger away, but didn't get very far.  
Thane saw her fall, and covered his face with his sleeve, went back to get her. His communicator beeped.  
"Krios! Where are you? What's going on?"  
"Vakarian, it's a trap. Be cautious." Thane knew there was no point in telling the Turian not to come after them. He managed to pull Hayden out of the range of the powder. She was still breathing. Thane felt himself stagger, and knew that he had inhaled some of the poison.  
"A Drell?" snarled an unfamiliar voice, obscured by the breathing mask he wore. "You're new. Hands up, or we kill you both right here."  
Thane felt his head pounding, trying to keep his body in some sort of order, and knew that the poison was affecting his biotic ability as well his motor control. Helpless and frustrated, he raised his hands. He would just have to trust that Vakarian would be able to save them.  
Hayden shook her head, trying to wake up.  
"She's moving." The voice was cruel, alien, unfamiliar.  
Hayden looked up slowly. Her hands were painfully chained to a wall, a heavy chain linked her feet together. She forced herself to stand, fighting against confusion and pain. Her clothes were dirty from being dragged on the floor, but otherwise intact. Something felt very wrong, but she couldn't figure out what it was. She just knew it wasn't the obvious.  
She was standing on an open platform, a sort of stage. A motley assortment of men were watching her. Batarians, Turians, Humans, even a Volus. Hayden fought down a dizzying wave of nausea and waited for someone to speak. She noted that her legs were weighed down by the chain, but not bound to anything. Most likely for easier access.  
One of the Humans stepped forward, took her chin in his hand and forced her to look at him. "Do you know who I am?" he growled.  
"Not really. Should I?" she asked calmly. There were entirely too many people in here for her to be comfortable. But they didn't need to know that.  
"My name is Jovanos Haliat," he spat at her.  
"Huh, doesn't ring a bell." Hayden cocked her head and looked at him. "Oh, wait!" Hayden measured the distance, wrapped her hands around the chains holding her to the wall, and brought her legs up as quickly as she could. The chain struck Haliat squarely in the face, splitting open his lip, cracking teeth, and sent him flying backwards. He stumbled over a table and fell to the ground, bleeding profusely. "Oh, now I see the resemblance."  
With a furious roar, Haliat stood up, backhanded her savagely. The other men pulled him off before he could continue, one of them taking the precaution of standing on the chain between Hayden's legs so that she couldn't pull that trick again.  
Hayden spat out a mouthful of blood with a sly grin. "How many bastards do the Haliats have, anyway?"  
Haliat slapped her again. "You little bitch! You're going to pay, once and for all."  
"I know I left two of your ugly duckling brothers back on Torfan. And then there was that one on Agebinium," she mused. "Your mother must have done some serious servicing to have such a brood."  
Haliat raised his hand one more time, but didn't strike her. Hayden continued to smile, counted the men in the room and noted that the hallway beyond was empty.  
"You're going to pay, bitch," he repeated. "I'm going to unchain you, and you're going to get on that table, spread your legs, and let every man here fuck you until they're done. And we're going to tape you doing it. So we can all savor the memory over and over again."  
Hayden finally looked at him. "You don't know me very well, do you?"  
Haliat laughed, harsh and cruel. "Oh, no, Shepard, I know you very well." Triumphant. "Bring him in."  
A Turian half-dragged, half-carried a limp form into the room. Human. Male. Stripped of his armor. Bleeding where they had beaten him. Warm, copper-colored skin. Dark, curly hair, that she had buried her hands in countless times years ago.  
"Chain him up where she can see him," commanded Haliat.  
Hayden was very still. Looked around the room. Watched them chain Kaidan, barely conscious, to the wall beside her. He stirred slightly as they moved one damaged arm.  
"Unchain me." Her voiced trembled slightly, as if in panic.  
"Oh, so now you're going to behave. Keep in mind, Shepard, anything you do, he gets punished for. Unchain her," Haliat commanded. Haliat sat down on a chair, wiped the blood from his face.  
"This is going to be great," gushed the Volus. "No biotics, no will to fight. We can do anything we want to her!"  
So that's what was wrong, she realized. The drugged drink had done something to her ability to control her biotic abilities. She brushed aside the man who had unchained her and rushed over to Kaidan. Stroked his cheek before she remembered she shouldn't be doing that.  
Kaidan murmured something. He was going to wake up, she realized. Haliat was yelling something at her, but she ignored it, looked Kaidan over. The damage wasn't so bad, really. Superficial cuts and bruises, one deep cut on his arm. He had struggled a lot. Most of his injuries were from the pirates enforcing restraints. He would be fine, she decided.  
Hayden stepped back with a little frown. "Sorry," she whispered under her breath, and struck him squarely on the jaw, knocking Kaidan out cold.  
"What the hell are you doing?" asked a Turian.  
Hayden looked up in confusion. "I don't want him to see this!"  
Haliat stood at the same time that Hayden moved her arm, summoning a thundering wave of biotic energy. The men around him were flung backwards like rag dolls. Before he could move, Hayden closed the distance between them, and dropped him with one stunning kick to the midsection. The Volus had been crushed against the wall, and his suit cracked, leaking foul-smelling gases into the air of the room. Some of the other men tried to stand, tried to run for their weapons.  
Hayden fired off another wave, so powerful it snapped their spines as it lifted them into the air. Anyone who survived being hit by it landed in agony, screaming as they lay twisted by the force of the blow. Bones had punctured skin; some fell, impaled, on the debris in the room from the first wave. Haliat cowered on the floor, alone, terrified. She sent one more wave through the room, rippling outward from her. Haliat was still untouched.  
The others stopped screaming. The room was silent except for her breathing and Haliat's whimpering and the sound of Kaidan sagging against his chains.  
Still standing over Haliat, Hayden turned her head to make sure Kaidan wasn't awake. Haliat cringed at the way she moved. Slowly, deliberately, her neck curving like a predator. She looked down at him. Used her biotics to lift him off the floor so they were eye to eye.  
"You know, Haliat, this compound you used... it's incredibly painful to use my biotics in this condition. In fact," she lifted him a little higher, noted the tang of fear in his stench, "the pain would drive a normal person insane. That's probably why it works." She began to contract the field holding Haliat in place, listened to him shriek in agony. "Normal people wouldn't be able to stand the pain." Dropped him to the floor. Heard the crunch as his leg snapped under him. Hayden knelt down next to him. Watched him writhe, her face thoughtful.  
Hayden stood, lifted the remains of a chair, broke both his arms so Haliat wouldn't be able to crawl. She paused for a moment, to check that Kaidan was still unconscious. He was breathing, but moving fitfully. Haliat lay on the floor, shattered and helpless. Coughing up blood and lying a pool of his own terrified piss.  
Hayden snarled angrily, warring with herself. She stalked between them for a few seconds. With a scream of frustration, she lifted Haliat with a surge of biotic energy, and flung him against the wall so hard every bone in his body shattered on impact. Sent another surge after it, crushing him to a grisly paste. Haliat - what was left of him - sank to the floor, a vile trail of bone shards and gore loosely wrapped in skin. She ignored it, turned to Kaidan.  
Hayden suddenly felt nervous as she approached him, fumbled with the chains and manacles. He slumped weakly into her arms. He wasn't breathing properly, a reaction to the drugs, she guessed. Hayden felt a strange panic and realized that she had no idea what to do. "Help," she heard herself whisper uselessly. "Help me!" Sank to her knees, cradling him in her arms.  
She heard a noise from the hallway. Looked around.  
"Shepard! Where are you?"  
"Here! Garrus, over here!" She held Kaidan tighter in sudden joy. "Help."  
"What - what happened?" Garrus looked around the room in shock. "Is that Alenko?"  
"He's not breathing right, Garrus. I don't know what to do!"  
Garrus knelt down, ran his omni-tool over Kaidan. "This is the same crap they used on you and Thane. We need to get him to the shuttle so Mordin can take a look at him. Can you walk?"  
She nodded, stood. "Well, I can walk if I can lean on you."  
Garrus smiled at her. "Always." He carefully lifted Kaidan and let Hayden prop herself on his arm, led them out of the pirate compound.  
Hayden tried not to collapse, but by the time they got to the shuttle bay, she knew she was at the end of her endurance. Mordin didn't wait for them, and ran out of the shuttle. He didn't ask who the stranger was, but began treating him. Hayden let herself sink against Garrus, trusting in his strength. The world spun for a moment, and then she knew she was safe in his arms. "You're tall," she whispered. "I can see so much more from up here!"  
"Keep her awake," snapped Mordin. "Don't let her fall asleep."  
Garrus carried her a little distance away from the shuttle. "I have just the thing," he grinned at Hayden.  
"Oh, Garrus, we can't have sex out here! Everyone would see us!" she whispered.  
He laughed. "Don't you ever think of anything else? No, no," he turned on his omni-tool and brought up ColonyTown. "You have to explain to me why this Nug is unhappy."  
"Oh! Let me see," she snuggled up to Garrus, ignoring the blinding pain in her head and her nerves. Gave in the urge to babble senselessly about happiness and truthiness levels and other minutiae of the game. Once or twice she felt herself fading, but he always brought her back. A gentle stroke on her hair. A quick squeeze. A ribald comment about his avatar's new position as the Colony Blacksmith.  
Finally, Mordin came over and injected her with something. "You're going to fall asleep now," he said, and she did.  
Hayden woke up in an unfamiliar medical ward with a dear and familiar face watching her.  
"Garrus!" She coughed. Her mouth was painfully dry.  
"Here," he handed her a flimsy cup filled with icy water. "Drink this."  
She drank it gratefully. "Thank you." Her mind raced back over the day's events, but all she could think to say was, "Did you really make that joke about a blacksmith's forge? Or did I imagine that?"  
Garrus chuckled. "Oh, come on, that was a good one."  
Hayden sat up a little, looked around. Winced at the pain in her head. "Where... where's Kaidan? Where are we? And Thane?"  
"They're in the next room, getting dressed. They're both fine, neither of them had it as bad as you. We're on the refueling station. Mordin needed more supplies than the Normandy had on hand, or something."  
"Oh." Hayden looked around. "I wasn't that bad, was I?"  
"Don't even think about getting up."  
"I guess I was," she mused. She looked down at the IV, resisted an irrational urge to rip it out.  
Garrus laid a hand on her arm. "Get some rest." She looked up at him, her blue eyes wide. Not a suggestion - a command. He stood up, looked down at her. "I'm going to get Mordin."  
She lay down on the bed, quieted. Garrus stroked her cheek before leaving the room. She followed him with her eyes, and tried to wait patiently, but ended up falling asleep before Mordin arrived.


	20. DISLOYALTY: "AND EVERY DAY HE STRIKES HER, WITH A BRIGHT SILVER WAND" (FAIRY TALES, TRADITIONAL)

Kaidan stood up, forced himself to keep his balance. The Drell watched him curiously. Kaidan envied the Drell's calmness.  
"How are you feeling?" the Drell asked.  
"I'm all right," Kaidan answered. He looked around. Odd to find a Drell here on this remote mining station. The room was dingy, stained, well-used. Not clean and sterile like an Alliance clinic would be. There was something real about this clinic. This was a place where people lived and died. Kaidan closed his eyes for a moment. Something at the edge of his memory was bothering him. "Someone was screaming," he said, unsure.  
"Yes," said the Drell. "Was that bothering you?"  
Kaidan looked sharply at the Drell, but couldn't read the alien eyes. "Screaming isn't normal." He paused, eyes closed again, trying to remember. "Was there a woman? Or was I imagining things?"  
"There was," the Drell calmly. "She was having seizures from the drug. She's better now."  
"Seizures? What the hell was that stuff?"  
The Drell folded his hands together. "We'll never know. All the pirates are dead, and all their stockpiles destroyed."  
Kaidan groaned. "Well, that's a humiliating end to my mission." He rubbed his head miserably. "I need to get back there, see if there is any data I can salvage."  
"Mission?" The Drell asked. "Are you from the Alliance?"  
Kaidan nodded. "I was supposed to be tracking down a new illegal drug." He pressed his hands to his eyes, trying to block out a sudden pain. "Man, that stuff has a serious kick."  
"You should practice meditation," said the Drell serenely. "However, I admit the aftertaste is quite terrible."  
Kaidan grinned.  
In the hallway beyond, Garrus listened to Kaidan and Thane's conversation. He wasn't sure what to do, or what would be best for Hayden. He slipped back into the room where Hayden was lying, quiet and still for once.  
She heard him enter, smiled weakly at him.  
Garrus carefully stroked her hair, felt her relax. "Do you want to talk to him?" he asked uncertainly.  
"Does he know?"  
Garrus shook his head. "He was out cold for most of it. He wants to go back and see if he can find any data on their operation."  
Hayden pressed her lips together. "No, I... I don't want him to know. Just let him go."  
"Are you sure?"  
"I don't want to talk to him right now. Just let him go," she repeated.  
Garrus stroked her cheek, calming her again. He could tell she was upset, frustrated. She fidgeted a little, but the warmth and weight of Garrus' hand never failed to soothe her. Hayden lay still and let herself be petted.  
Mordin came back in, humming, and disconnected the IV and medical equipment. "Let's get her back to the ship," said Mordin briskly. "Nothing more to do here."  
"Is the Alliance officer gone?" asked Garrus.  
"Thane is walking him back to the remains of the pirate base."  
Garrus wrapped Hayden in a blanket, lifted her in his arms. She sighed with happy satisfaction, and laid her head on his shoulder, half asleep. He held her tighter for a moment, a sudden unexpected hug. "You scared me half to death, Shepard." Garrus brushed his face against hers, drinking in her warmth and her scent. Listening to her pulse, her breathing. "I thought I was going to lose you again," he whispered.  
Hayden put her arm around his neck, too drowsy to do much more. Suddenly it struck her that he wasn't talking about the fight, or the drugs. "Oh, Garrus, never," she whispered back. "I would never!" She fought off her weakness long enough to sit up, and put her arms tightly around him.


	21. DISLOYALTY: "ALL THE BLOSSOMS THEN ARE FOUND / DOWNWARD FLUTTERING TO THE GROUND / HOPING SHE MAY TREAD ON THEM" (FAIRY TALES, TRADITIONAL)

"Oh, Kelly, check out that guy!" Hayden leaned over the railing to get a better view. "It's like a grown-up version of Garrus!"  
"Who?"  
"That handsome old Turian, down there." Hayden pointed out a tall, elder Turian dressed in unfamiliar solid blue armor, decorated only with strange symbols down the right arm. He was talking to a Turian C-Sec officer. "I really hope Garrus looks like that when he gets older." Hayden looked closer, and could see a C-Sec insignia among the other markings on the strange solid blue armor. The old Turian was tall, held himself very straight. Moved like a warrior.  
"Oh, wow."  
The Turian elder turned slightly, still speaking. "Oh, neat," said Hayden. "They have the same face markings! In the same color, even." It seemed as though the C-Sec officer was giving the elder Turian directions.  
The conversation appeared to be over, and the elder bent his head to the C-Sec officer, in regal dismissal. The C-Sec officer bowed his head in respect, and then knelt down as if to ask for a blessing.  
"Oh," said Hayden in surprise. "What is all that about?"  
Her communicator beeped, distracting her from watching the Turian elder.  
"Shepard here."  
"Shepard, something's come up. Is it okay if I meet you back at the ship?"  
"Uh... sure, Garrus."  
"Thanks, I'll see you there."  
A thought struck Hayden as she watched the old Turian walk away. She tried to count all the symbols on his armor, but only got to twenty-four before he was out of sight.  
"What a man," breathed Kelly. "He walks like a king!"  
"Primarch."  
"What?"  
"I think that was a Primarch. The top rank in Turian society."  
"So he's probably not interested in picking up a random Human chick, is he?"  
"Probably not."  
"Damn."  
"But what is he doing on the Citadel?"  
"Is being sexy not enough?"  
Hayden stared at Kelly. "Heel."  
"Oh, you never let me have any fun," Kelly pouted. "I'm going to head back to the ship."  
"Touch Garrus and I will jettison you out the nearest airlock."  
"You're soooo selfish!" Kelly whined with a laugh, then walked away with her bags.  
Hayden shook her head and leaned over the railing again, but the Turian elder was gone. She walked down the stairs, looked around. He was standing at Rodam Expeditions, gravely discussing something with the shopkeeper. Hayden snuck around to the other side so she could see his rank markings.  
He broke off the discussion and walked over to her. Calm, questioning. "Do I know you, young maiden?" he asked sternly.  
Hayden blushed. "I apologize, sir," she said, knowing that the translator would use the proper term of respect. "I was just trying to see your markings. I did not mean to be disrespectful." She bowed her head, not sure if the gesture would come across correctly.  
He smiled regally. "You seem to have knowledge of Turian culture, young maiden."  
"Oh, I have a friend," she stopped, not sure what to say next, and fully aware that she was now bright red. It didn't help that if she closed her eyes and listened to him speak, she could mix the two of them together.  
"Indeed?" His voice held a slight tinge of amusement, as well as touch of concern. "Well, young maiden, whatever my feelings are in the matter, I hope he is a good... friend to you."  
Hayden smiled. "He's saved my life more times and in more ways than I like to think about."  
"Then he is indeed a worthy man, young maiden," said the elder warmly. "Will you permit me to introduce myself? I am Demel Vakarian, Primarch of Palaven." He held out his hand, and she shook it nervously.  
"Wow, you really are the Primarch. My name is Hayden Shepard." She hoped the name would go unmarked.  
"Shepard? Is there not a Human Spectre of that name?"  
Hayden nodded, then remembered her manners. "Yes, yes there is. Were you looking for Garrus, sir? Because I think he ran off when he saw you."  
"What?" The Primarch looked at the slight, pale Human standing shyly before him. "There must be some misunderstanding. Is it possible that Garrus has been avoiding me all this time because of you?"  
"I believe that might be part of it, sir."  
The Primarch frowned in irritation. "Foolish boy. I may be traditional, but I am not hidebound. Please, young maiden, if you have any influence with him, ask him to contact me. I would clear his mind of all misperceptions as soon as possible."  
Hayden blushed again. "I will do that, sir."  
The elder Vakarian looked her over, the way fathers do, trying to see what it is their child sees in another. Suddenly his face softened, and he smiled slightly as he looked at her. "I must be going now, young maiden. It has been my honor to meet you."   
Hayden blinked in confusion. That salutation hadn’t been in any of the texts she had studied.  
The elder Vakarian laid a gentle hand on her head, stroking her hair in farewell, before he turned away. It was a comforting, paternal gesture, and it made Hayden want to run after him and beg him to do it again.


	22. MEMORY: "IF I COULD ONLY SHUDDER!  IF I COULD ONLY SHUDDER!" (FAIRY TALES, TRADITIONAL)

"No, Sparks, no, this is crazy, you can't do this."  
"If you won't set it up, Charlie, I'll go all by myself. You know I will."  
"Sparks, c'mon, you can't... you might not get assigned to him. What.... You can't do this."  
"Then I'll just go back. I will go every fucking night until I get in a room alone with him. Are you going to help me or not?"  
"Don't make me do this. You know he wouldn't want this. He did everything he could to keep you away from the Crew and their sick shit, and now you're just going to walk into it? No."  
"I know what he wanted. And look what it got him. It got him fucking killed. You wanna feel sorry for someone? You feel sorry for Collazo and his fucking Crew, because I am going to make them pay for what they did to Trace. Now set it up, Charlie. Stop wasting my time."  
"What are you doing here, anyway? Aren't you supposed to be at school?"  
"Goddammit, Charlie, do your damn job. Stop questioning me."  
"No, Sparks, no. Trace would never forgive me if you left that Alliance school."  
"I'll go back when I'm done. So the sooner you get this over with, the sooner I'll be out of your hair. I'm between schools, okay? I'm supposed to be packing and moving right now. I have plenty of time if someone would get off his ass and set up a meeting."  
"Fine. Just... whatever."  
"Don't give me that shit, Charlie. You want him dead just as much as I do."  
"I do, but... using you this way isn't right."  
"I've already lost Trace. Nothing is right."


	23. DISLOYALTY: "DARKNESS BEHIND ME, BUT LIGHT ON MY WAY" (FAIRY TALES, TRADITIONAL)

"Uh, you're Hayden Shepard, right? From Earth?"  
Hayden looked at the man, but not at his face. She was looking at his clothes. "You have a message for me?"  
The gangs of Earth were very old-fashioned in some ways. All gang members wore uniforms, for example. Most gangs had their own slang, and they all had their own secret symbols. And all gangs recognized a person bearing the traditional white badge as a 'herald,' inviolate and trustworthy - so long as they were delivering a message. This man, nervous despite his size and bulk, had his badge as an earring on the left ear, and telltale streaks of red on the right leg of his pants. To anyone else, it would have looked like cheap jewelry and paint stains.  
The man nodded, and handed Hayden a slightly crumpled package, wrapped in plain brown paper.  
Hayden carefully ripped off the first layer, to reveal a small box covered in another layer of brightly patterned paper, with the word 'Sparks' scrawled on it in an sprawling, untidy hand. She handed back the outer wrapping, and he folded it neatly. "You should get out of here," Hayden suggested.  
The herald nodded and slipped away, back into the bustle of Zakera Ward.  
"What was all that about?" asked Garrus curiously.  
"Nothing." Hayden put the box into her armor without opening it. "Let's finish our shopping."  
Garrus realized that this was probably something that needed privacy, and followed Hayden until they went back to the ship. He could see by the set of her shoulders that she didn't want to talk, so he sat down in her cabin and watched her open the package without speaking. The only thing inside the box was a torn scrap of blue cloth, faded and old, a cheap material that felt nice but clearly ripped easily. "Sparks?"  
"It's my gang name." Hayden stared down at the bit of cloth in her hands, didn't look up.  
He waited, but she didn't say anything. "Is it a warning of some kind?"  
Hayden grinned at him. "You're pretty good at this, aren't you?" She looked down at the piece of cloth again. "Yeah, it's a warning." She sighed, put the cloth back into the box and tossed it on the table. "I'll deal with it later."  
Garrus shook his head, and decided not to bother asking any more since Hayden clearly didn't want to talk. Hayden wasn't in the mood to snuggle, so Garrus went to his room, got a few things ready, stopped by the mess hall, and then went down to the shuttle bay and waited. He grinned at the surprise on her face when she saw him, sitting calmly in the shuttle with all his bags, ready to go. "What?"  
"Garrus, there is no way - "  
"There is no way I'm letting you go alone."  
"You don't even know where I'm going!"  
"You're going to Earth, and it will be dangerous. You need someone to watch your back, Hayden."  
She was strangely silent at that, and jumped in the shuttle, tossing her bags next to his. "Fine, let's just go. But you can't wear that armor."


	24. MEMORY: I AM ALONE.  (SOMETHING HEARD ONCE, A LONG TIME AGO.)

Hayden pretended that she was still working on the duty rosters while she watched Crown and Smith walk into the Mess. Crown was laughing, probably over the fact that Hayden still hadn't found the missing jar of peanut butter. Crown didn't realize that Hayden actually hadn't bothered looking this time.  
Smith opened the storage unit, and there was a split second before he screamed in horror. It was exactly the wrong thing to do, and four of the rudely awakened wasps stung him before he could move. Crown ran up to help, and also provoked an attack. Hayden sipped her juice quietly, and put up a biotic barrier to keep them away while the rest of the crew ran around in panic and got stung repeatedly.  
Captain Grey was furious. "I told you two knuckleheads that I have had enough of your practical jokes!"  
Crown and Smith protested that they hadn't done it, but no one believed them. They were legendary on board for their pranks on Shepard. No one liked Shepard, not since she'd been assigned her own room instead of being placed in General Quarters. It didn't help that she never mixed with the crew and took no pains to hide the fact that she despised them all.  
But no one thought that Shepard had anything to do with the wasps. After all, everyone knew Hayden never spent more than an hour on shore leave. Hardly enough time to find a wasp's nest and somehow smuggle it on board. Unless you had a friend back home who happened to know where a huge colony of yellowjackets could be found, pulled off a node for you, put it in stasis, and shipped it to you. If that was the case, an hour was plenty of time. It also helped to be a biotic who couldn't get stung.  
"Now we have to take the entire ship back to drydock for a full overhaul because those damn things got in the vents!"  
Crown and Smith continued to maintain their innocence. A routine check of their comings and goings for the last two shore leaves backed up their assertions. The source of the wasps remained a mystery, and the SSV Wandiwash returned to Pai Mārire Station for an overhaul and refit.  
Hayden remained on board most of the time, being unsocial as always, but providing invaluable assistance to Captain Grey and the station crew doing repairs on the Wandiwash. She even helped with some minor repairs, something that should have made her tormentors a little more cautious, but didn't.  
"You know," Captain Grey commented, "it seems that these wasps came from Earth."  
"Oh, really?" said Hayden innocently. "That's a long way for a prank."  
The Captain looked at her, and smiled.  
The entomologist sent for cleanup found a queen, so the whole nest was carefully removed and sold to a terraforming company instead of being destroyed. The vents were cleaned out, the damage repaired, and the kitchen restocked. The Wandiwash returned to duty, patrolling colonial space.  
In the long run, a defensive war is unsustainable. Hayden decided to provoke an attack of opportunity, and messed with the duty roster so that Crown and Smith were on opposite shifts for a week. They lasted for a day before they switched with someone else so that could sneak off and meet in their special corner of Engineering.  
"I hate her so much," Crown snarled.  
"Why does Grey let her get away with it? Do you think she blackmails him or something?"  
"I have a great plan for getting even with her. I checked, the auxiliary G359 shaft for ventilation goes right past her room, on the right wall. If we could loosen a tile, and then trigger an airlock," Crown suggested.  
"She'll get killed!" protested Smith.  
"Well, she's such a hot shit biotic, I'm sure she can throw up a barrier in time."  
Smith considered. "Well, we can close the airlock before she gets hurt, right? Oh, man, I bet all her yarn will go flying into space. That would be awesome!"  
"Okay, well, let me plan out the best way, and we'll get this started tomorrow night."  
Hayden cut the connection between her omni-tool and the spycams she had placed in Engineering. In later years, she would have gone right to the Captain. But she was still too young, too impulsive, and at the moment, far too angry.  
Hayden went to the shuttle bay, and dug around in the piles of supplies until she found what she needed. This wasn't her area of expertise, but Charlie had given her a good grasp on the basics. She found what she needed, and went back to her room. The ship's schematics showed her which panel in her room connected to the shaft that Crown had mentioned, and she opened it up and began working. It took her longer than she thought to get everything right.  
The next day was a bit of a chore, as she was tired from not getting enough sleep and cranky, but knew that she had to stay up so Crown and Smith would know when she went to bed. Finally her shift was over, and much to the relief of the entire crew, she retreated to her room.  
Hayden made herself a bowl of instant noodles (or as Charlie called them, "Salt with some starch floating in it") and sat cross-legged on the floor, watching the wall and waiting. There was a horrible creaking noise, alarms sounded, and the wall seemed to buckle. Hayden started in shock. That was not what she had expected to happen.  
Hayden poked the wall curiously. The seal was holding, but there was definitely vacuum behind it. Confused, Hayden opened her door and looked around. The automatic locks had shut down the hallway forward of her room, indicating a hull breach. Hayden frowned, and put her ear to the wall and listened. Crown was screaming and sobbing hysterically, repeating Smith's first name over and over. Hayden was totally confused. Shouldn't Crown have been the one to get hit by her trap? She didn't know enough about Engineering to be able to guess what had happened. She shrugged, and went back to her room to finish her noodles. She would probably find out at the inquest.  
As it turned out, there was no inquest. Crown ended up committing suicide a few days later, still wracked with grief over the death of her boyfriend. The Captain had an informal investigation, but didn't share the results with the crew. It was officially listed as an accident.  
"Shepard, could you come to my office please?" asked Captain Grey politely.  
"Of course, sir." Hayden followed him to his cabin.  
"Have a seat," said Grey with a kind smile. He was trying to set her at ease, which meant he was afraid he was going to upset her.  
Hayden sat down, and looked curiously at the Captain.  
"Shepard, Crown confessed that she was actually trying to kill you when the accident happened. Smith was helping her, under the impression that they were just playing another of their pranks. But somehow, one of the upper tiles came loose in the ventilation shaft, and cracked the internal plating when it fell. That caused a rupture in the tubing that ripped open much faster than it should have, causing a general breach. One of the more curious results was that the tile that fell initially came down a lot faster than it should have, almost as if it were being pulled down to the hull."  
Hayden pretended not to notice the item in the Captain's hand, and waited for him to continue. After all, rare-earth magnets weren't really rare at all.  
"Smith pushed her out of the way when he realized what was happening."  
"How romantic," said Hayden calmly. "He must have really loved her. Too bad it was wasted."  
"Yes," said Grey, trying not to frown. "She was a little traumatized after seeing her boyfriend shredded by flying metal in front of her eyes."  
Hayden shrugged. She wasn't really sure how she was supposed to respond to that. "People get killed in the service all the time." Hayden folded her hands in her lap. "It was an accident. Probably just something left lying around by the shipyard. I mean, who opens the shafts anyway? What did they think would happen?"  
Grey let the two magnets in his hand snap together a few times, trying to decide what to say next. He accidentally missed, and the unbonded neodymium went flying, and slapped itself to one of the studs in the wall.  
Hayden stared. "What was that?"  
Grey sighed. "The Alliance uses neodymium materials all over our ships. It's usually bonded, so specific parts can only interact with other parts. However," Grey wrested the unbonded magnet from the wall with difficulty, "unconnected neodymium causes a huge problem, as it can attach to anything and," he didn't look at Hayden, "break the bonding between two connected parts. It can also shatter," he commented.  
"Oh," said Hayden quietly. "That is dangerous."  
Grey sighed. "Still, as you pointed out, it was an accident, and has nothing to do with you. No, I have a different reason for calling you in here."  
Hayden tried not to react to her escape from a career-ending reprimand, and waited for the Captain to continue.  
"As much as I love having you on my crew, I think it's time you got an independent command, Shepard. You're a valuable asset, but your skills are being wasted here, and let's face it, you just don't jibe with the crew of the Wandiwash."  
Hayden sighed, "I understand, Captain. And thank you, for the compliment."  
"Don't worry, I think you'll really like this assignment. It's not some backwater posting," Grey smiled. "You probably won't run well with Major Kyle, but you'll be operating independently most of the time anyway, and for this particular mission, his approval isn't actually necessary. He's just coordinating the various forces for the attack."  
Hayden perked up. "Attack, sir?"  
"I thought you'd like that," mused Grey. "I can't tell you much just yet, but I can tell you that the Alliance and the colonial investment corporations are getting sick of all the slaver attacks, and plan to give the Terminus Systems a good message about messing with our colonies." The Captain handed her the datapad. "Take it, Shepard. You'll like this job. You'll be good at it."


	25. MEMORY: "WHOEVER COMES HERE, WILL DIE, WILL DIE!" (FAIRY TALES, TRADITIONAL)

"Hayden? Baby girl, open your eyes!"  
She blinked blearily, her head spinning. Tracey picked her up, cradling her in his arms.  
"Say something, baby girl!" said Tracey urgently, but Hayden was too dazed to talk.  
She moved her hand to his, and made a fist, then brought her hand to her body, then let herself slump into his arms. Dimly, she heard the front door open.  
"What's going on here?" blustered her father.  
"You asshole!" Tracey roared. "How long have you been gone? You just left her here alone?"  
"What? What's wrong with her?"  
"Oh, like you fucking care. Just go fuck around with your damn blue girlfriend, old man. I'll take care of her."  
"I was only gone for a few minutes!"  
"She's only fucking six years old! I told you I would be here after work, you and your fucking tentacled whore couldn't wait a few hours to mind fuck?"  
"Don't talk to me that way! I was not with my girlfriend, I left for a few minutes to meet someone about a new job!"  
Tracey didn't bother to answer, as they both knew the older man was lying. Tracey picked up the bag with Hayden's medications and walked out of the bungalow with Hayden in his arms.  
"Such a useless fucker," Tracey muttered under his breath as her father shouted something after him. "Open the door, Charlie."  
Charlie opened the door and jumped to the back so that Tracey could put his little sister in the front seat. "Is she starving again?"  
"Probably," said Tracey bitterly. "This isn't going to work. I can't leave her there anymore. He's too wrapped up in his stupid blue tart to even notice that Hayden's alive." He stroked Hayden's hair gently, and handed her a candy bar from the glove compartment. "Here, eat this for now."  
Hayden smiled weakly, and pretended to eat the wrapper just to make Tracey smile. Then she devoured the candy bar, which took the edge from the razor-sharp pain in her head. "Hungry. Milkshake!"  
Tracey relaxed when she finally spoke, and he kissed her forehead. "Milkshakes it is."  
"Sweet!" exclaimed Charlie.  
"You're paying for your own lunch, buddy. You're eleven now, you do Company work and you have a paycheck."  
"Awww, no fair. I was saving up for a chemistry set!"  
Tracey grinned, and put the seat restraints on Hayden, because she was a little too small to be sitting in the front seat.  
Charlie handed Hayden some more candy from his bag, and she ate it gratefully. "Should be a word for it."  
"A word for what, baby girl?" Tracey glanced at her, trying to figure out where Hayden's mind was.  
"Half-brother, half-brother's half-brother. Why aren't there words for that?"  
Tracey grinned. "I do not know, I'm afraid."  
"Half-brother's half-sister!" Charlie chimed in. "I think it's because most people don't care about their half-families. At least not the way you do, Trace."  
"I don't even like the whole 'half' thing. That makes it sound like I should somehow care less or something."  
Hayden glanced at her brother. "Do you like Trace better than Tracey?"  
"I've never actually thought about it," he admitted.  
"I think Trace sounds better," said Charlie.  
Hayden didn't answer, and spent all of dinner trying to decide which sounded better.  
Tracey made her drink a full glass of water, and watched her take her medications after she was done eating to make sure she didn’t skip any. Despite what he had said in the car, he paid for Charlie's meal as well as Hayden's. After dinner was over, he drove back to Hayden's father's house to have it out with him.  
Hayden reluctantly got out of the car, and followed Tracey inside. Charlie stayed with the car.  
Tracey opened the door, and stared. "Oh, that rat-ass motherfucker." He stared. There was no one in the house, and a lot of things were gone. A lot of things. "That fucking scumbag." Tracey threw the keys at the wall in frustration. "Stay right here, baby girl." He ran upstairs, looking for a note. The only things left in the closets were Hayden's clothes and her toys. The desk had all of Hayden's paperwork from various hospitals, lying in untidy piles. The drawer in her father's room where his girlfriend had kept her alien things was also empty.  
Tracey kicked the wall, put his hands to his head in frustration. He heard a small noise from the door, and looked over to see two little faces watching him, wide-eyed and scared.  
"I had to use the bathroom," Charlie confessed.  
Hayden just stared at him.  
Tracey sighed. "It's okay. Come on, Hayden. We have to pack your things."  
"Where am I going?" she asked nervously.  
"You're going to come live with me, of course," said Tracey reassuringly. "You're my little sister, I have to take care of you." Tracey smiled at her, and picked her up for a hug. "And I want to take care of you, so don't you worry about that."  
Hayden hugged him tightly. "Trace sounds better."  
Trace grinned. He'd been waiting for her to make up her mind all evening. "Fine. Trace it is then."

Trace watched in shock as the two Blue Island enforcers dropped like rocks. Hayden jumped back with a fast bounce, like a boxer, and wiped the knife off on her jeans.  
"Hayden? What are you doing here?"  
"Shouldn't it be Sparks now?" she asked curiously. "Charlie and I followed you. This was so obviously a setup." She gestured towards the shattered skylight that she had used for her entrance. "He's covering the door, so I came in that way."  
As if on cue, Charlie walked in. "Yo, bro. 'Sup."  
"Don't talk like that, Charlie," said Trace before he could stop himself.  
Charlie grinned. Ever since Trace had taken Hayden in, he had stopped swearing and took great pains to speak correctly and properly around her. Charlie liked to use slang around Trace just to make him crazy. "Shouldn't it be Fetch?" he asked. He was sixteen now, and extremely proud of his gang name, unlike Trace who almost never used his.  
"Oh, don't you start with that too." Trace stared at his siblings. "You followed me all the way out here?"  
"Don't look at me," protested Charlie. "This was all Hayden's idea. She said it was a trap, and that we had to watch your back."  
"It was a trap!" Hayden pointed at the dead Blue Island gang members. "They didn't even have the stuff to trade!" She sheathed her knife and looked nervously at Trace, trying to figure out if he was mad at her for saving him. "Besides, Charlie drove."   
Trace laughed, and pulled her into a hug. "I'm just stunned, I guess. I thought you were at work!" He looked down at her, then up at the warehouse ceiling where she had entered by shattering the skylight. "How did you do that?"  
Hayden shrugged. "I just jumped."  
"She does that crap all the time, bro. You should see her outrunning the gong-an."  
"I've never seen anyone move so fast, I wonder…" muttered Trace, but didn't finish the sentence. He kissed Hayden on the top of her head. "Never mind. Fetch, check the bodies. Even if they didn't bring what they promised, they should have something useful."  
Hayden snuggled her brother. "Are you okay, Trace?"  
"I'm fine, Hayden." He smiled at her. "You did good, Sparks."  
She smiled happily.


	26. DISLOYALTY: "OH, WONDERFUL!  CAN THIS REALLY BE MY POOR LITTLE SELF?" (FAIRY TALES, TRADITIONAL)

They stopped at Omega first, and Garrus stocked up on nutrient paste and borrowed some armor from a friend, with Hayden's approval of the color scheme. After Omega, they went to Ilium, where they sent the shuttle back to the Normandy and took the commercial flight to Amaterasu. They flew steerage, so they wouldn't have to put their weapons through security, and alternated keeping watch while the other slept. From Amaterasu to Earth, they had to go first-class to avoid security hassles over their weapons. They ordered dinner in their cabin, and laughed as they realized it was the first time they had ever had dinner together, just the two of them.  
Garrus didn't realize that he had fallen asleep, but woke up to a soft, white light filling the cabin. He picked himself up from the floor, and crossed the room to where Hayden was standing, gazing out the window in silence. The view was beautiful. A distinctly yellow sun, blazing with energy, illuminating a blue and white ball hanging like a jewel against the backdrop of space, surrounded by glittering planets in every color. The reflection was bright enough to fill the entire room, but soft and white. Even at this distance, Earth seemed to vibrate with life. Huge oceans dominated the surface, in a shade of blue unlike any other. Land masses, in every shade of red and brown and green, lay beneath the slowly swirling, fluffy white clouds as the ship circled the globe for its docking approach.  
Garrus couldn't think of the right words to describe it, and instead just stood with Hayden, his arms around her, and watched.  
She turned, put her arms around him and lay her head on his chest with a satisfied sigh. "It's wonderful," she whispered.  
Garrus smiled when she said it. She wasn't looking at the planet. Her eyes were closed. He held her close, savored the moment in silence.  
They were among the last to disembark, a common courtesy given to first-class travelers.  
"And now the fun begins," grinned Garrus as they approached the security area.  
"Welcome to Shanghai!" chirped the woman at the Customs desk. "Do you have anything to declare?" She looked curiously at them.  
Hayden pointed at the military security office for special cases. "We're just going to go over there."  
The woman from Customs looked at Garrus again, then at their suspiciously weapon-shaped bags. "Okay." An armed officer escorted them into the office, then stood outside.  
"Hello, welcome to Shanghai," said the security officer. "Let me just scan you for ID...." He scanned Hayden, waited patiently. Whatever he was expecting to see, the data on his screen made his eyes pop open very wide. Then he tilted his head in confusion. "What the... I've never seen someone set off so many warnings at once."  
Hayden grinned.  
"You have three outstanding warrants for your arrest, two restraining orders, an override permitting you to carry weapons anywhere in council space, and you're dead."  
Garrus chuckled.  
Hayden frowned. "Wait, what? There's no overdue library book?"  
Garrus laughed outright at that, and the security officer looked down again. "Oh. Yeah, there is.... You know, you can just go on in, it's not like I can stop you."  
Hayden stepped aside so Garrus could get scanned.  
"Seriously?" The disbelief in the officer's voice made both of them break into laughter which they tried to hold back. "It says you're dead too. And that I should arrest you, right after it says that I should assist you in your investigation and provide all necessary police powers."  
"Well, I'd say that sounds about right," smiled Garrus.  
"There's also a note here to tell you to call your father."  
Hayden snickered.  
"Oh, come on, I just called him two days ago!" Garrus entered a reminder into his omni-tool. "Fine, fine. Anything else?"  
"Well, are you planning to disturb any governments?"  
"Nope," said Hayden. "Might kill some smugglers though."  
"Oh, that's all right then. Welcome home, Commander Shepard, and welcome to Earth, Officer Vakarian."  
Hayden and Garrus walked out of the security area and headed to the transport hub. Hayden led Garrus to the UNAS terminal.  
"Another security checkpoint?" Garrus grumbled.  
"It's just a formality," she assured him.  
The soldier at the UNAS checkpoint stared. "Hello, may I ask what the purpose of your visit to the States is?"  
"No," said Hayden bluntly, and handed over her SIN card to be scanned.  
"Well, ma'am, I uh..." The soldier kept reading. "And is the, uh, alien with you?"  
"Yes."  
"Well, ma'am, I can't stop you, but you are aware that there has been an unusual amount of anti-alien activity in the region?"  
"What, you don't want a bunch of gang members killed in mysterious ways?"  
The soldier looked at their bags, and at Garrus. "Welcome to the UNAS, please enjoy your stay."  
Hayden led the way past the commercial terminals, up towards the top of the transport tower.  
"So, like, this job sucks. I can't believe they waste money to keep someone here in Shanghai, this is for interplanetary travel, for fuck's sake! Nobody comes here from offworld. Oh, hold on, one sec, fucking lost tourists." The bored young woman at the counter pulled her comm unit away from her head. "Hi, this section is for corporate travel only."  
"Yeah, I know." Hayden handed over her SIN card.  
"Uh..." The agent scanned the card, and sighed heavily. "Jojo, I'll call you back in a bit." She disconnected her call, and started typing at the terminal. "Well, hello, what is the purpose of your travel today?" she asked, starting the script.  
"Business."  
"Uh huh. And who am I booking on the shuttle?"  
"Employee and domestic partner," Hayden grinned.  
The agent stared at Hayden, but was too well trained to question. "Okay, I've got a CI shuttle ready for you. Destination?"  
"HQ, Southeast, Insurance Division."  
"Right." She tapped a few more buttons. "Okay, you're all set."  
They started walking away, and the agent, assuming they were out of earshot, picked up her comm unit again. "Oh my god, Jojo, you won't believe what I just saw! A Human and a TURIAN! Seriously! I know, right? Gross!"  
Garrus chuckled. "We'd be more polite on Palaven."  
"They would have waited a few more seconds to start gossiping?"  
"No, they would have just shot you back at the first checkpoint."  
A shuttle appeared, emblazoned with a series of various corporate logos. They loaded their luggage, and boarded. "This shuttle is currently a charter for the Carbide International Corporation, and will be flying direct to the Carbide International Corporate Headquarters transit hub in the United North American States," the shuttle's AI announced. "Welcome, Carbide International employee. We appreciate your hard work, and hope that your travel experience was a positive one. Please make sure that you have your travel papers and social identification network cards available and ready at all times." The shuttle AI continued droning security warnings and corporate personnel instructions for the next few minutes while it flew them to the American continent.   
Hayden snuggled Garrus, but didn't sleep. Garrus was too fascinated by the view to sleep. He held Hayden in his arms, and marveled at the vast expanse of ocean below.  
"Your ancestors crossed that in vessels made of wood? With no maps and no idea where they were going?"  
Hayden nodded.  
"That certainly explains a lot about Humans."  
Hayden grinned.  
The shuttle landed at the port of Charleston, the center of the UNAS Carbide International corporate holdings.  
"Oh, yet another checkpoint. What is the point of all these?" Garrus asked. "It doesn't add any additional layers of security."  
"It keeps people employed and off the streets," Hayden explained. "You have no idea how important that is on Earth." Hayden walked up to the receptionist.  
"Hello, welcome to the Carbide International corporate headquarters may I see your identification please?" the receptionist rattled off without looking up.  
Hayden held up her SIN card to the scanner.  
"Hello employee, welcome back.... You're late for work, and your pay has been docked... um..." The receptionist finally looked up. "Is this a joke?"  
"Nope," said Hayden cheerfully.  
The receptionist's eyes grew wide as she stared at Garrus. "What is that?"  
"Domestic partner," Hayden smiled, "just like it says on the form."  
"Hello," Garrus waved at the girl, who shrank back.  
"Okay, you know what? Fuck you, I don't get paid enough for this shit." She furiously punched some buttons on the terminal, and handed Hayden a packet. "Just get away from me."  
Hayden giggled, and took the employee re-orientation packet. "Come on, before her head explodes." Hayden lifted her bags to her shoulder, and Garrus did the same, following her out into the streets of downtown Charleston.


	27. MEMORY: "FAIS CE QUE TU VEUX" (SOMETHING HEARD ONCE, A LONG TIME AGO.)

"What the fuck is wrong with you people? Stop questioning me! Set the goddamn charges! Now!" she shouted into her headset.  
"Lieutenant! They're trying to come out again, position Beta!"  
"Keep them pinned down! Heavy weapons, cave the fucking hole in on them." Hayden headed west. "Have you set the charges, Sunjeet?"  
"Yes, Lieutenant." The Marine sounded like he was going to start crying.  
"Good, fall back half a click and keep position Gamma pinned down. Heavy crossfire, don't let up for a second."  
"Yes, Lieutenant."  
"Shepard out." Hayden snarled to herself. Useless, weak, stupid soldiers. All they had to do was follow orders, was this really so hard? She raced up to the Beta command center, and watched with satisfaction as the Batarians were driven back into the caves. "Keep hammering them," she commanded to the gunners.  
"Lieutenant? Position Alpha here, we have a situation."  
Hayden gritted her teeth in irritation. "Go ahead." She checked the timing, and the last status updates coming in from the units stationed at position Gamma.  
"They want to parley, Lieutenant."  
"I'm sorry, I didn't hear that," said Hayden coldly.  
"They want to parley, they have a white flag."  
Hayden rolled her eyes. "I can't hear you, Corporal. Position Delta, status report?"  
"They're trying to surrender, Lieutenant! Are you just going to ignore them?"  
"No, you fucking idiot, I'm going to bomb them into next month! Now cut the goddamn chatter so I can get an update from position Delta."  
There was silence on the radios for a second. "Delta here, we just took out the second weapons platform, but it looks like they've gotten reinforcements from somewhere."  
"That would be the ship the Major let in," snapped Hayden. Why was everyone so stupid here? Kill them all, that's what the mission parameters said. The brass had been very clear about that. They wanted a message sent back to the Terminus Systems, a clear unmistakable message about what would happen if the attacks on Human colonies continued. They didn't want to deal with months and years of appeals and diplomatic red tape. She had sixty men in her mission command and five hundred body bags. "Sunjeet, blow it." Surely this math wasn't that hard?  
"You can't do this, Lieutenant!"  
Hayden took a deep breath. "Corporal, you better save a bullet for yourself because if you are still alive when this is over, I swear I will kill you myself if you question my orders one more goddamned time."  
The earth rocked under their feet, indicated that the demolitions expert had finally obeyed his orders. She could hear the screams of the trapped slavers from here, and wondered if there were vents nearby.  
"I'll see you in Hell, Lieutenant," Sunjeet choked out, and then there was the loud report of a standard issue firearm.  
"Not likely," quipped Hayden quietly. "You'll be in the nosebleed section. Me, I'm gonna have box seats." Hayden knelt down next to some plating in the side of the walls, ignoring the white, set faces of the remaining soldiers under her command. She unscrewed the plate, to reveal some kind of ventilation shaft. "Preston, bring those gas grenades over here. Let's toss down a few."


	28. GARRUS: "CAN I GO FORWARD WHEN MY HEART IS HERE?" (SHAKESPEARE)

Garrus looked around. "These rooms are really nice."  
"Aren't they? Executive temporary housing is the best! Daily maid service, free food - I wonder if they will import Turian food for you - and best of all, full security." Hayden grinned. "Hey, come here and see if you can scratch this wall." She pulled off her armor and tossed it to the floor.  
"What?" Garrus walked over to where Hayden was standing, trying to ignore the scent of her nearly naked body. He pulled off his gauntlets, and tested the wall, gouging out chunks of drywall under his claws. "Oops."  
"Sweet!" Hayden put her arms around his neck and hopped up to his waist, wrapping her legs around him. "Time to do our corporate duty!"  
"What?" He could feel her warmth against him, and accidentally ripped into the wall again. "I'm not arguing with your suggestion, but what are you talking about?"  
Hayden giggled. "Remember what I said about keeping people employed and off the streets? It's our duty, in return for our executive-class housing, to give someone else a job by making a mess and causing some claimable property damage." She kissed his neck, and ground her hips against him. "Also, it's been almost a whole day."  
Garrus chuckled. "You know, you're right," he murmured as he carefully worked off her underwear, and helped her pull off his armor. "So, you want to do damage to these walls, is that it?"  
"Yes, but it has to be the right kind of damage so the insurance will pay for repairs. Like, you can't just throw a lamp against a wall. There has to be a good reason." Naked, wet, and hungry she wrapped herself around him, slowly working his stiff, erect penis inside her, ridge by ridge.  
"So... damaging the walls while having sex is okay?" Garrus tried to hold himself still, let her control the pacing but his animal instincts took over, and with a growl he shifted one hand down to support her, guide her.  
"Well, in proper corporate speak, yes. When we fill out the form, it has to be described right. Damage occurred in the course of unusually passionate intimate relations. Something like that." He braced her against the wall, thrust harder and deeper inside Hayden, who responded by digging her nails into his skin, burying her face in his shoulder with passionate moans.  
Garrus shifted his hands to a different, less damaged portion of the wall, balancing himself as she rocked back and forth on him. "I see. And when I end up knocking over that lamp while carrying you to the bed?"  
"Ah... regrettable... post-coital … lack of … coordination," she whimpered between thrusts.  
"And the alien bloodstains you're going to get all over the sheets because you can't keep your little claws in one place?"  
Hayden giggled. "I'm going to claim that's traditional for my domestic partner's culture."  
Garrus snarled something unflattering, and Hayden laughed, then gasped at his next thrust, aimed just right. Garrus pulled away from the wall, and carried her to the bed, knocking over the lamp as he did so. Hayden laughed happily, and settled herself on the bed underneath him, moving her legs so that he could thrust freely into her. She braced herself on his shoulders, met his thrusts, and finally came, screaming as he pounded into her.  
Hayden sank back onto the bed with a happy sigh, and Garrus lay down next to her, panting and sated. She moved a pillow so that she could lay comfortably on him, and they fell asleep, holding each other.  
Hayden woke first, and took a shower and her medications so that she could face the day. She dressed quickly, in civilian clothes, and then sat watching Garrus sleep for a few minutes. He finally stirred, and grinned at her.  
"Good morning."  
"So," said Hayden brightly, "did you want to come with me to work today, or stay here?"  
Garrus stretched out on the bed, and yawned before answering. "What would I do here all day?"  
"Well, you could watch TV, and scare the domestic housecleaning staff. Polish your weapons. I dunno," she shrugged.  
"And what would I do with you at work?"  
"Well, you'd get to experience the fun and excitement of being a temp for the Records department! And you can watch me while I clear out my backlog of two years."  
"I think I'll go for the fun and excitement."  
"Okay," Hayden disappeared into the bathroom.  
"Which answer did you want me to pick?" Garrus asked. He couldn't see her face, and had no idea.  
"Whatever you want to do." Her voice was slightly flat, unreadable.  
Frustrated, Garrus got up and walked over to the bathroom so he could see her. "Hayden," he started, but she pounced on him, and tackled him to the floor.  
"Snuggle attack!" She pinned his arms to the floor, and nuzzled his neck before he could protest. "Snuggly Turians. Get yours today!"  
"Ow."  
"Oh, don't be such a whiner. You didn't take any damage, you landed on the carpet." She kissed his cheek. "I want you to come with me. There. Are you happy now?"  
"Yes, but why didn't you just say so?"  
She kissed his face instead of answering, and stood up. "Go take a shower and get dressed! I'll see what the dining service has to offer."  
Hayden pulled up the service screen, and started reading. Garrus watched her curiously for a moment, but she didn't turn around. Instead of retreating into the shower, he walked up and gently put his arms around her waist, in a careful hug. Hayden stiffened for a moment, then gave up and relaxed into his arms.  
"I'm sorry, I'm nervous. We can talk about it later. Look, they really did get Turian food for you. Go shower, I'll order breakfast." She kissed his shoulder, then turned and pushed him, unprotesting, into the bathroom. Her face quiet and still, Hayden turned back to the service screen and ordered breakfast and dinner, and arranged for transportation to work.


	29. MEMORY: THE WHOLE OF THE LAW (SOMETHING HEARD ONCE, A LONG TIME AGO.)

"Unintentional or incidental injury or damage to persons or objects that would not be lawful military targets in the circumstances ruling at the time. Such damage is not unlawful so long as it is not excessive in light of the overall military advantage anticipated from the attack."  
A cold, cold phrase. Only one question matters: Was it worth it?  
"I'm sorry, Major, but we do not have enough evidence to proceed with a court-martial for Lieutenant Shepard."  
Apparently, it was.  
"I understand your concern, and the loss of forty-five soldiers in the attack on Torfan was indeed regrettable, but given the unique circumstances of the mission, I prefer to consider that the Lieutenant nobly saved fifteen lives under her command."  
Somehow, Hayden managed to keep a straight face while Admiral Shan was talking.  
"We can't overlook the incredible success of the Torfan mission, Major. We've established ourselves in the Terminus Systems. Our colonies are safer now than they ever have been before. The Batarian Hegemony has withdrawn all claims to the Skyllian Verge and their major slaver outposts have all withdrawn back to their own systems. Four new colonial development corporations have started operations in the Verge thanks to our efforts. Four! That's more than we've seen in years, Major. And none of it would have happened if we hadn't cleared out Torfan."  
Major Kyle continued to stare straight ahead, and didn't respond. His face was dark, and angry, but he knew a whitewashing when he heard one.  
"As to these ridiculous rumors that the Lieutenant killed hostiles who were trying to surrender, I'm surprised that you gave that story any credence at all. The Lieutenant's orders were quite clear: She was not to accept any offers of surrender, but would contact you if a credible surrender was offered. I have no evidence that any credible surrenders were attempted – remember, Major, these are the same men who bombed hospitals and gunned down children. Surely you didn't expect her to send someone into that den of beasts just because they waved a scrap of dirty cloth?"  
"No, sir, of course not." The Major's voice was hard and emotionless.  
Hayden tried not to smile. This was all so very, very stupid.  
"Of course, if one of her men actually did witness such a thing, I'm sure one of them would have come forward by now. But no one has been willing to go on the record in support of that idiotic story, and the one person who was willing to go on record stated that no credible attempts at surrender were made."  
"That was Private Renshaw, wasn't it? The one from Mindoir?" the Major asked.  
"In fact it was," Admiral Shan smiled. "Surely you're not going to imply that Private Renshaw allowed her personal feelings to interfere with an official investigation?"  
"Of course not, sir."  
"And I think we've all satisfied ourselves that the blast radius of the ordnance set by Corporal Sunjeet was within normal operating parameters. The fact that they were unusually effective was solely due to the presence of heavy mechs and other explosives located within the slaver's base, something the Lieutenant had no way of knowing."  
Hayden looked down at the floor, and counted the tiles in the chamber.  
"I assume no one wanted to go on record to answer that question either?" said the Major bitterly.  
"We played back all the available recordings from the HUDs of all survivors, and it seems that the units inside the base didn't see fit to let their commanding officer know about those hazards. While it is possible there was some miscommunication about the placement of the explosives, the Lieutenant made her strategy crystal clear before and leading up to the detonation. At no time did any of the units inside the base alert the command centers to the presence of the heavy mechs."  
Loopholes, thought Hayden.  
"Wasn't one of the teams on radio silence?"  
"I believe so," Admiral Shan scanned the official report again. "Yes, one of the teams was suppressing radio activity in a ten-meter radius. I don't think that would really have stopped them from walking out of the range of their suppressing equipment to alert the commanding officer of something so important, do you?"  
Hayden started mixing up the letters in the word 'loophole' but could only come up with nonsense words that made her want to giggle.  
"I understand the resulting explosion caused a chain reaction that has reportedly cracked one of Torfan's tectonic plates."  
"So I've been told," the Admiral said dryly. "We have a team assessing the damage. We are not going to be held accountable for defending our interests in the Skyllian Verge, Major. Luckily, there isn't anyone in any position to demand reparations for the damage, and we can build an outpost on the side that Lieutenant Shepard didn't bomb into next month."  
Hayden glanced at Major Kyle, and saw him start at the phrase that the Admiral had used. Hayden continued looking at the floor, and settled on 'Ole Hop Lo.'  
"Was there anything else, Major?" asked Admiral Shan wearily.  
"No, sir, you've made your decision."  
"Major, we assessed all the evidence that you provided. Besides a few malicious rumors, there isn't any proof that Lieutenant Shepard exceeded her mission. Instead of being bitter about the deaths of a few men, you should be proud of the accomplishment –"  
"I want nothing to do with this accomplishment!" barked the Major, before he could stop himself. He recovered himself, and shuffled uneasily. "I apologize for my outburst, Admiral."  
"Well, it can certainly be arranged," said Admiral Shan calmly. "And in fact, it already has." The Admiral walked up to Hayden, and handed her one of the glossy white datapads that the Systems Alliance used for official documentation. "Your new commission, Commander Shepard." The Admiral saluted her gravely, but Hayden knew perfectly well that he was holding back a smile. Not a nice, friendly smile, but she also knew the smile wasn't for her, so she didn't care.  
Hayden saluted, and accepted the new rank. "Thank you, sir. I am honored."  
"Will you excuse us, Commander Shepard? There are some things I need to discuss with the Major in private."  
"Certainly, sir." She saluted the Major – no longer her commanding officer – and left the room.


	30. DISLOYALTY: "OH, NOBLE LORDS, GRANT US LEAVE TO SEEK OUT ANOTHER TREASURE, WHICH HAS BEEN REVEALED TO US IN A DREAM." (FAIRY TALES, TRADITIONAL)

"So," asked Garrus as the elevator continued on its way down, "what does this company do, anyway? Besides stick random security checkpoints and greeters everywhere?"  
"Well, they make two things: industrial chemicals and industrial accidents." Hayden grinned. "They're really good at both. This is insurance headquarters. Here, there is a huge base of employees going through claims made against the company, and denying them."  
"What if they're valid?"  
"They're never valid. Corporate policy. There is always a loophole." The elevator opened, and Garrus followed Hayden through yet another security checkpoint, into a large sub-basement complex lined with shelves and filled with movable stacks full of what looked like paper.  
Garrus looked around the huge underground chamber. "What is all this stuff?"  
"Records," said Hayden absently. She was pushing a cart, and putting things away in some arcane order that made no sense to him.  
"What are you doing?"  
"This is the backlog of records that the mechs couldn't file, either because they can't read the barcode or there wasn't a corresponding record. I'm putting them away manually."  
"Why don't they keep all this stuff in databanks?"  
"They do," she answered. "They also keep paper records, just in case."  
"Why?"  
"There's a six-hundred page document that explains the necessity for paper records of certain transactions. The short answer is, they're too lazy to change it." She put away some more files, and climbed up to the top of a shelf, with a stack of paper under one arm. "Also, changing the record keeping methodology would eliminate a lot of middle management positions. They're slowly transitioning away from the paper. It won't be long until it's all gone."  
Garrus looked down at the seemingly endless rows of shelves. "How long?"  
"Well, the current estimate is another fifty years, give or take a year or two." She jumped down. "But just between us, I think the VP in charge of the Digital Transition project is screwing with the numbers. There's no way it'll be done in fifty years. He'll get promoted in ten, and the next VP will stretch out the project so that he can look good when he gets a promotion. And so on, and so on."  
Garrus stared at her. "Do Humans really think that way?"  
"Of course they do! Besides, it's in the Digital Transition project notes as a bullet point for future leaders. The original VP even planned out how long the project could be extended, and suggested when to switch from stretching it out to starting to actually wind up the project. That won't happen for at least seventy years though, assuming all the interim VPs are any good at following suggestions."  
"What? That's horrible! I can't believe anyone would participate in such criminal inefficiency, let alone for so long." Despite his claims of being a bad Turian, Garrus just couldn't understand why people would deliberately sabotage such a simple and necessary project. He shook his head at the stacks and stacks of wasteful paper lined up in a basement where no one could see them. Suddenly, a thought struck him. "Wait, how do you know what the notes say?"  
Hayden grinned. "My brother was the first VP for the project. He wrote the timeline."  
"I thought your brother was in a gang?"  
Hayden looked at him curiously. "He was. This was just his day job."  
"I'm confused again. If he had a job - "  
"You know, the 'day' part is literal. He got to work one day a week. That got us housing and his pay went for either food or clothing. His first wife was a cafeteria worker, she got to work four days a week, and her death benefits kept us all in school. His second wife was a project manager, and had to do a lot of traveling for her job. That meant the company paid for almost everything when she was on the road, but that still doesn't cover everything a family needs to survive." She filed more folders as she talked.  
Garrus looked at her. Food or clothing. He couldn't even imagine what kind of life would force you to make that kind of choice. "And everyone just goes along with this?"  
"Well, the other choice is to be a full-time gang member, and live in the Fringe instead of corporate housing. Or, get caught in an industrial accident, and then you can live off the insurance for the rest of your life. Such as it is. Or, you can save every penny you can and buy your way into a colony or go sign up with the Alliance."  
"It costs money to join the Alliance?"  
"No." Hayden smiled bitterly at him. "But it costs money to get there. Unless you're planning to walk to the depot, and want to arrive starving and naked. And that only works if you're being shipped off that day."  
"What is wrong with Humanity?" Garrus exclaimed. "That's insane."  
"You just answered your own question." Hayden jumped on the empty cart. "Give me a good shove!"  
Garrus raised an eyebrow, then shrugged and pushed the cart, sending her flying down between the stacks.  
Hayden cheered, and jumped off before the cart crashed into one of the stacks.  
"Insane," he muttered under his breath, and walked down to join her at the end of the row. "What are you doing now? Aren't you done?"  
"No, now I'm doing what I really came here for. Timecards!" She pulled out a series of folders, and began going through them, pulling out slips here and there.  
"Timecard? A record of hours worked," he read from his omni-tool dictionary. "What are these? Generated from a computer, it looks like. Then sent down here for storage?"  
"Yeah. You can change the computer entries after the fact if you're good enough, but the original stamped slip always ends up here. It's pretty safe, because only someone who works in Records would be able to find it. And no one, technically, works in Records anymore. It was always just me and Trace, and we're both dead."  
"Couldn't they just send a mech?"  
Hayden shook her head. "Mechs don't have a retrieval program for Records. Someone would have to write one, but before anyone can do that, they'd have to know the algorithm for filing them in the first place. And only two people ever knew the filing algorithm for this Records department."  
"Let me guess: You and your brother."  
Hayden grinned. "You're good at this. Yeah, Trace corrupted the retrieval program and claimed it was an accident. He was supposed to make notes for his successor, but never did." She laid out some more slips, forming a curious overlapping grid. "So as far as everyone knows, nobody knows how the filing system down here works except a bunch of archaic MUNIN mechs that can't be reprogrammed."  
"How is there no manual?"  
"Carelessness," said Hayden absently as she stared at the cards on the floor. "The company that made them went under, and CI bought them. They turned over all their data, and the information was filed away, and the one physical copy of the programming manual was placed in the corporate library. Someone corrupted all the MUNIN programming data in the system, and took the only copy of the manual out of the library and never returned it. So now, they can't reprogram the mechs because no one knows how, and they can't take one out of service, or the backlog will cripple the others. But if they just ignore them and do basic maintenance, they'll last for another hundred years. They already broke two trying to figure it out, and they gave up. It's not that big of a deal, really. All the MUNINs do is file stuff away that no one needs and there is a huge project to get rid of. There's no real incentive to fix them, so they don't bother."  
"Why did you do all that?"  
"I didn't; Trace did. At the time, it meant that Trace was the only person in the world who could track every single CI employee. He made a lot of money from that."  
"Oh, I thought you were the one with the overdue library book," Garrus grinned.  
"Oh, that's a... different book. I did pick that up from Trace, though. They dock you a month's pay for not returning a book, and you lose your borrowing privileges for a year." She rearranged the slips again, working out a pattern. "The idea is to make sure the book is worth it." Hayden stared at the pieces of paper before her, as they slowly formed a trail leading to the group of people who had been responsible for her brother's death. Suddenly she stood up and walked away.  
"Hayden?"  
She didn't answer, still thinking, and started pacing back and forth in silence.  
"No, no, no," said Garrus gently, and picked her up. "You told me I could come with you, that means you have to talk to me."  
Hayden put her arms around him, and buried her face in his shoulder. "They killed him, Garrus! They wanted to take over the gang and they needed him out of the way so they killed him. If I had been here - "  
"You would have died too."  
She snarled in sudden fury. "Not before I took them with me! Dammit, I should have been here! I should have been watching his back!" She slammed her fist against his chest, then stopped when she realized what she had done, stared down at the floor.  
Garrus hugged her, trying to take the edge away from her rage. "Didn't you say you two were the only ones who could get in here?"  
"Yeah, he trained me because I read all his stuff anyway."  
"So... he knew that if anything happened to him, you'd be the only person who could figure it out?"  
Hayden was silent at that, and rested her head on Garrus' chest. "Yeah, I guess he did," she said finally, and a tear rolled down her cheek. "It still isn't fair."  
Garrus didn't answer, just cradled her in his arms, stroking her hair, and waited for her to speak.  
"I thought I got them all, Garrus, years ago. I thought I was done with this. But I missed one, and... I didn't know. I can't believe it." Hayden sobbed, the sense of betrayal burning deep. "I just can't...."


	31. MEMORY: "NOTHING MAKES ME SHUDDER.  IT'S PROBABLY AN ART QUITE BEYOND ME." (FAIRY TALES, TRADITIONAL)

Case number: [redacted]  
Date: [redacted]  
Incident: Homicide  
Reporting Officer: Detective HJ Singh  
Emergency Response contacted at 2130 Standard Time. Caller identified as a female Human, approx. 13 yrs. Female caller reported that other females of similar age were having 'hysterics,' said someone was dead. Officers, EMTs arrived at 2145. EMTs removed 4 underage female Humans from premises. 4 male Humans, ages from 32-48, arrested on scene for reasons unrelated to homicide. All males known members of local gang 10th Street Reds. All Humans required medical attention. Emotional trauma, distress, nausea.  
Rooms are soundproofed. Victim located in room 3, 2nd flr. First officer on scene, Constable Janeshi. Had to be removed by EMTs, treated for visually induced traumatic stress. Note 5 rooms on 2nd floor. Girl missing? On arrival, victim was making noise, possibly attempting to breathe, according to Janeshi. EMTs unable to provide CPR or rescue breathing: "He's in pieces, what are we supposed to do? His lungs are out, do you see this? You see this, don't you? Oh god, I can't do this. Get me out of here." Coroner confirmed that CPR/RB contraindicted in this case.  
Victim face down on bed. No restraints visible on arms, legs. Back open. Ribs broken loose from spine, ribcage spread out. Lungs still attached, pulled out of ribcage, show signs of manipulation, white substance? Coroner confirms someone touched, salted lungs, keeping him breathing. Without manipulation, forced contractions of lungs, victim would have suffocated in ten minutes or less. Tortured. How long? Kitchen records show margarita with "whole thing of salt" ordered to this room at 1933 Standard. Margarita untouched on table. Salt shaker empty. Coroner reports that victim was alive for at least 30 min after first rib broken.  
Window open. No sign of perpetrator at scene. No weapon. No gang signs. No tagging. Just victim with his ribcage spread out like bloody wings.  
Most likely scenario: Missing girl let perp in through window, killer brought own weapons. Killer and missing girl could have walked out before arrival of law, EMTs - but where did they go? Revenge killing? Def. gang-related, unlikely any witnesses will come forward.


	32. DISLOYALTY: EIGHTEEN AND LIFE (SOMETHING HEARD ONCE, A LONG TIME AGO.)

"We're done working, so we can't stay here anymore," Hayden explained as they walked out of the corporate district. "Now we get to do some real work."  
"And what, exactly, are we doing?" Garrus asked. The character of the city was subtly changing as they walked farther away from the port. It got dirtier, there were fewer aliens – not that there had ever been that many. Humans stopped looking away nervously when they noticed Garrus walking with Hayden, and started staring aggressively. "And when can I pull out my guns?"  
Hayden grinned. "Don't worry, you'll know when."  
Garrus glanced at her again, admiring her new outfit. She was no longer wearing her spotless corporate outfit, nor was she wearing her armor. She was wearing loose black jeans covered with gleaming silver buckles and red leather straps, and a loose red denim work shirt, hanging open over a plain white t-shirt. Her hands were almost completely hidden by her sleeves, and covered with fingerless red leather gloves that seemed to be mostly zippers and buckles. She jingled as she walked, but the heavy black boots that she wore made no noise on the street. Garrus suspected that she could make herself very quiet when she needed to. But mostly, he loved the way she moved in her gang clothes.  
They walked a few more blocks, and the Humans around them got less and less polite. From confused glances to barely concealed sneers, until finally a Human, sitting on the broken stairs of a dilapidated house, called out to them. "I thought the Reds didn't like aliens."  
Hayden looked at Garrus, pretending to be surprised. "Holy shit, you're an alien! I think that's something you could have mentioned when we started fucking." She didn't stop walking, and Garrus followed her lead.  
Garrus blinked, not sure how to respond. "I did not understand half of what you just said, but it sounded really sexy."  
Hayden laughed. "I'll explain later." She moved her bag to her other hand, so that she could open it at any time, and Garrus did the same. They turned a corner, and Garrus understood what she had meant earlier.  
One side of the street was bad, but still clearly under the control of some authority. And literally, right across the street, was the Fringe. Two men in the same color scheme as what Hayden was wearing were beating a woman in white and blue while another man in blue was running away.  
Garrus shook his head as Hayden walked past without even looking. "Is this why you made me change my armor?"  
"You look better in black anyway." She pulled out her pistol and shotgun, set the holster comfortably on her hip, and the shotgun underneath her work shirt. "It's hot today," she observed, as a body sailed out of a storefront and landed in the street next to her.  
A woman, probably the owner of the store, stood on the stoop reloading her gun. "Is he dead?" she asked Hayden.  
Hayden casually kicked the body in the side. "He ain't screaming."  
"Good enough." The woman turned and went back into her store.  
"Palaven is nothing like this, by the way. Not even the bad parts." Garrus checked the sight on his sniper rifle. "The only thing that makes this better than Omega is that no one has tried to shoot me yet."  
A little girl was sitting on a twisted fence in front of a brownstone building that someone obviously tried to keep clean. "Is that a sniper rifle you're looking at, Fangs?"  
Hayden stopped and looked at the girl. "Yeah, he is."  
"Fangs?" Garrus grinned to himself.  
"What else would you call him?" asked the girl. "Anyway, I'm gonna go laugh at my brother. He says that women don't like snipers. Shows what he knows, the dumbass." She stood up and walked, balancing on the metal fence, heading to the alley behind the house.  
Hayden laughed quietly to herself and kept walking.  
"Did that little girl just imply that you are only dating me because I'm good with a sniper rifle?"  
"Aw, don't think that, honey. You're also pretty good at calibrations."  
"There is something wrong with your species, Shepard."  
"Sparks."  
"Right." Garrus sighed and finished fixing the sight, and checked the clip on his assault rifle. "You don't have armor on."  
Hayden grinned. "Not exactly, no. Most people here aren't packing the firepower you are, though."  
"And there's no hospital here."  
"Nope, hospital is in the corporate district."  
"So if you get shot, you might die."  
Hayden laughed. "Don't let me get shot, then."  
"Yeah," Garrus checked his pistol, and then confirmed that all of his weapons were in working order. "That's what I was planning."  
"Down here," Hayden led him to the entrance to a tunnel.  
"What's this?" Garrus sniffed. It smelled like sewage and waste.  
"It's the subway. Public transportation."  
"Oh, is that why there are no cars here?"  
"Pretty much." They carefully walked down the stairs to the station. "The cars are carefully monitored, and as far as the gangs are concerned, the subway and the buses are off limits. Not sure if that applies to aliens, though. We'll have to take our chances." Hayden paid and they entered through the gate, carefully lifting their bags over the clunky turnstiles. She led him to the end of the platform, and they waited for a few minutes until a train appeared. "The subway system stretches all the way beneath the city."  
Garrus looked curiously at the map, examined the lines showing the different routes. "They're color-coded."  
Hayden smiled. "Makes it easier for people to get directions. Or decide where not to go."  
Garrus stretched out over two seats, and put his feet up on the seat opposite as they were alone in the car. Hayden snuggled up to him, and he wrapped his arms around her. "I love what you're wearing, by the way."  
"Better than the dancing girl outfit?"  
"I think I just like the noise," he confessed. "That, and your hips look amazing in those pants."  
Hayden smiled at him. "Not a fetish, huh?"  
Garrus chuckled. "Well, it wasn't!" He pulled her close, drawing in her scent. "You never told me where we were going."  
She sighed, and kissed his neck. "I'll explain later."  
"I give up," he grinned, and settled her comfortably in his arms. The train stopped a few times, but usually one glance was enough to convince people to go somewhere else and they had the car to themselves.  
Hayden lay contentedly in his arms, kissing his neck and cheek once or twice, but otherwise she lay quietly until their stop was announced. She reluctantly stood, and shouldered her bag again. "Well, here we are, out where the buses don't run. Let's go."  
Garrus looked at her curiously. Her face was set, a cold mask. "Should I be in front of you?" he asked.  
"No, you should be watching my back."  
"Right." He made sure his weapons were ready, and they walked out of the station tunnel, back to a section of the city as dingy and miserable as the area they had just left.


	33. DISLOYALTY: "WE CANNOT SLEEP, WE WAKE AND WEEP" (FAIRY TALES, TRADITIONAL)

Dirty, narrow alleys separated squat, dingy houses, with barely enough room between each house for trash to accumulate. Rats scampered away from Garrus, unnerved by his alien scent.  
"Never thought I would miss Vorcha," said Garrus, staring at the vermin. "A flamethrower would be a big help here."  
Hayden laughed sharply at that. "It's been done," she grinned darkly. "The lesson didn't stick."  
"Where is everyone?" The streets in this part of the city were unnervingly quiet.  
"Either at work," Hayden checked her pistol, "or hiding inside, watching to see where we go." She walked up to one of the houses, almost identical to all the others on either side, and knocked once on the door. There was a pause before the door opened, and they walked inside.  
There was a mechanical whirr, and a young man in a wheelchair approached them. "Hey, Sparks." He would have been tall, standing. His hair was dark, his eyes strangely light. He smiled in welcome, but didn't seem to be looking at anyone in particular.  
"Charlie."  
The young man grinned. "Just like old times." The door closed behind them, then a steel safety door rolled over the opening "Word on the street is, you and Fangs here have something going on. Gonna introduce me?" He brushed his hair out of his eyes, never took his eyes off Hayden. "Never thought you'd be one to go for an alien."  
"People change," said Hayden calmly. "Fangs, this is Charlie. Some people call him Fetch, since that's what he does."  
"Pleased to meet you, Fangs," grinned Charlie from his wheelchair. "They used to call her Sparks 'cause she moved so fast. Now they call her Sparks 'cause she starts fires."  
Hayden's eyes narrowed, and her back stiffened. "We need to talk, Charlie."  
"So we do," Charlie's smile never faded, and it struck Garrus as slightly unnatural. "Come to the back. Does Fangs get to listen in?"  
"He needs to make a personal call."  
Garrus frowned. "Is this really the time?"  
"He's got the only secured terminal with an offworld link in this geographic region. Unless someone else has set up on your turf?" Hayden questioned.  
"Hardly," Charlie grinned, and pulled a small remote from the side of his wheelchair. He pressed some buttons and a door slid open just behind him, revealing a terminal setup that looked like it had come right from the Citadel. "Help yourself, Fangs. We'll be in the back room." Charlie spun the wheelchair and headed to the rear of the house.  
Hayden followed him without turning around, leaving Garrus standing behind her, and swearing in Palaven under his breath.  
Garrus walked into the room, and closed the door. He didn't want to make this call, but he knew he had to. He wasn't a very good Turian, but he was still a Turian, no matter how he felt or who he loved. And he loved her. "Dammit, Hayden," Garrus growled quietly, and clenched his fists. He couldn't help it, but he loved her. He pulled up his omni-tool, and opened a connection so that he could make the call.  
Hayden heard the door to the comm room close as she entered Charlie's office, and relaxed slightly. Garrus would eventually be able to hack Charlie's system and spy on them if he wanted to, but they were clear for a few minutes at least. "What did you call me for?"  
Charlie wheeled himself behind the desk, a rickety old one built of plywood scraps. The bottom of the desk was open, and she could see his mangled feet resting on the footrests of the wheelchair. "You were the one who wanted to make Collazo's crew pay. Well, the remains of the crew got out, and they plan to pick up where they left off. I thought you might care."  
Hayden didn't answer.  
"Sure took your sweet time getting here, though."  
"So you just wanted me to come take of everything for you. Just like Trace used to do."  
"Not all of us can fight like you, Sparks." The bitterness in his voice didn't stop him from smiling. "Not all of us want to."  
"That's fine," she said flatly. "If they didn't learn their lesson last time, I'll take them all out. Everyone who had a hand in killing Trace."  
"Good girl," said Charlie mockingly, still smiling at her.  
"Did they learn anything from the last time, or are they still holed up in Wolf Run?"  
"If they were smart," Charlie smiled, "they wouldn't still be in this backwater shithole, would they?"  
Hayden sighed. "I'll go out there, then. I'll take care of it." She stared at the wall behind Charlie's head, not seeing him. "Will I need to come back for anything?"  
Charlie kept smiling. "What would you come back here for? I didn't want you come to come out in the first place."  
"Right. I should have listened to you. When you said that the first time."  
Charlie shrugged, still smiling. "We all make mistakes. You don't need my help for anything, do you?"  
"Never did," Hayden said, still staring at the wall. This was harder than it used to be. She hadn't realized how much it hurt to feel things.  
"Are you crying, Sparks? You never used to cry." Charlie's smile slipped for a second. "People really do change."  
"Not that much, Charlie." Her voice was still flat. "I still don't understand, and I still don't think it's fair. So I'm still going to kill them all, and nothing is going to stop me." She looked at him for the first time, her eyes cold and icy blue.  
Charlie smiled again. "Good. Good girl." He leaned forward, his hair falling to cover his face, his hands resting still and quiet on the arms of his wheelchair. He heard Hayden turn, and start walking away. "You're not going to say good-bye?"  
"You know how I am about words," said Hayden viciously. "I don't say things I don't mean." She walked out of his office.  
The door to the communications room was still closed, and Hayden wiped her face before she knocked on the door.  
Garrus opened it, his eyes still on his omni-tool. "Hey," he welcomed her. "Something weird is happening, I just got cut off, and now I can't connect at all." He looked up at her. "Everything okay?"  
Hayden nodded. "We've overstayed our welcome. Let's go."  
Garrus stood up and looked around, but didn't see the man in the wheelchair. The door to the office was closed.  
Hayden rolled back the security door, then stepped outside, after checking that the street was still deserted. The sun was going down, leading into the long Southern twilight. They started walking. "Do you remember where we left our bags?" she asked.  
Garrus nodded.  
"Think you can find it again?"  
"Yes, why?" he asked suspiciously.  
Hayden grinned. "Because we're going to have company very shortly," she said, pulling out her pistol. "And I can't run at full speed if you're covering me."  
Garrus could hear it now, the low hum of vehicles approaching. He pulled out his assault rifle. "So I should meet you there?"  
"Yes. Take the next right, and start running. Fast."  
He nodded, and at the next corner, they split up at full speed. Machine gun fire ripped out, tearing up the street behind them, a few seconds too slow. Garrus didn't waste time firing back, just ran down the unfamiliar streets, using his innate sense of direction to find the bridge leading back to the half-demolished building where they had hidden their bags. Turians are fast, sleek. They are built for the chase, with stamina that equals their strength. He quickly outstripped his Human pursuers, who were all on foot. The ones in the cars had gone after Hayden.  
Turians are fast. But Hayden had the benefit of being intimately familiar with every inch of the ground they were chasing her over, and the buildings above it, and the tunnels below. Also, Hayden was a Vanguard. She didn't have to run if she didn't want to.  
Hayden jumped, used a wall to launch herself into the air, flipped, and fired a biotic blast directly beneath her, propelling her higher. The blast rocked the street below, loosening the wall of an already damaged building. She pulled herself up to the rooftop, fired a few shots at the convoy chasing her to make sure they were still following, then turned and ran. The cars drove down the street, trying to parallel her path, and one of them took the turn too fast, hit the weakened structure, causing it to start collapsing. With screams of terror, they left the car, barely escaping as the crumbling building crushed the vehicle.  
She laughed. It had been a long time since she had treated the Reds to a good show. Usually, they were the ones cheering her parade of destruction. Not this time. She jumped from one building to the next, prompting an outburst of gunfire and squealing tires as they turned to chase her.  
"Getting slow in your old age, Sparks!" someone shouted at her.  
Hayden grinned to herself. There was a lifer down there, someone who remembered her from the old days. Well, they were in for a surprise. She took off, running for the joy of it. She jumped to another old building, then across to another. This street was a dead end, and she made sure they saw her double back and head east instead. She heard a laugh or two, and knew that they thought she had been surprised by the dead end. She ran down the side of an abandoned factory, eliciting shocked yells from people who'd never seen her do that before. She cut across the factory parking lot, accompanied by a hail of bullets that never came close. She was in more danger from the ricochets than from the shooting.  
She put on a little more speed, for the obstacle that was coming up. She heard a triumphant shout behind her as she turned a corner, and saw the giant hole. There were no walls handy, and the pit, the result of an industrial explosion, was too wide and too deep for a normal person, or even for the child that she had been.  
Hayden jumped, deliberately not putting her full strength into it. She wanted to keep some secrets still. She cleared the pit, not as cleanly as she could have. She turned and laughed at the furious Reds chasing her. The cars swerved, to take the path around, and she whipped up her pistol and put a few well-placed bullets where they would do the most good. "Forgot I was armed, didn't you? Assholes."  
She heard a lieutenant yelling orders, and they started shooting back at her. Hayden laughed and took off again. She heard them shouting her position to each other, and shouting that Garrus was cornered. She smiled. She put her pistol away and headed east again, towards the river. It hadn't taken her very long to catch up on all the changes in the city since she had been gone. There hadn't been very many.  
She heard the cars, speeding ahead across the streets to cut her off from the bridge so that she couldn't join Garrus. Hayden smiled to herself, and wondered what Captain Grey would say if he knew how far she was going for this prank. She doubled back abruptly, running across the old fishing dock, with the Reds in full chase after her. There was one warehouse still standing, and she headed for it, but not inside. She jumped, and grabbed a windowsill. It was enough for her to get off the ground, and she continued climbing, until she was all the way on the very top.  
Her pursuers slowed down, not wanting to get too close. They milled around, just watching her as she watched them. She was standing on the very center of the warehouse, her hair wild in the wind. Someone pushed his way to the front of the crowd of Reds. "What are you up to, Sparks? You have nowhere to run."  
She smiled, glad that she recognized him. He was one of the crew. "I'm not running from you, Blackie. I just wanted to make sure my boyfriend got a good view." She looked across the water, and saw the glint of Garrus' sights, heard the sound of gunfire and knew that he was holding his own.  
Blackie laughed. "I'm gonna rip the Turian's eyes out, Sparks."  
Hayden shook her head. "You're forgetting something." She started to focus, and knew they could see the eerie blue glow of her biotics.  
"Oh I know about your freak powers, Sparks. Still won't stop a – " Blackie stopped, and backed away, suddenly unsure.  
Hayden jumped off, gathering everything she had, and aiming straight down. "You forgot where the levee was." Her charge rocked the earth beneath her, and the artificial levee, old and never repaired, cracked. There was the ominous noise of the earth shifting beneath their feet, and the odd sucking noise of rushing water. Hayden listened, then started to focus again.  
"No, Sparks, stop! Are you crazy?" Most of the Reds knew enough about her to start running. Blackie considered taking a shot, but chose to run instead.  
With a wild scream, Hayden slammed into the levee again. It wasn't built to withstand such energy, and began to crumble. Hayden smiled wickedly as the water rushed in. "Time to show off another new trick," she said to herself. Wrapping herself in her biotics again, she forced herself back up, levitating herself by the sheer force of her will. She lifted herself out of the water, and grabbed the warehouse so that she could climb back up to the top. When she reached the top, she threw herself down, panting with her efforts and watched the scene below with an unholy joy.  
The backup barriers went up automatically to keep the city proper from being flooded. Of course, this meant that the Reds who had been chasing her couldn't drive out of the range of the flood. Since this area was still officially deserted and had no residences, there was no override. Hayden pulled out her pistol, and began casually shooting the screaming Reds in the water, and any who tried to climb the barriers to safety. She tried to save a bullet for Blackie, but she saw his body get sucked into a wave of black water, and washed out to the ocean. Hayden sighed in disappointment.  
"Three left," she murmured to herself, and smiled again.


	34. DISLOYALTY: "WHITHER SO LONESOME, WITH ARCHING TAIL, ON THIS MUDDY ROAD?" (FAIRY TALES, TRADITIONAL)

"People are asking whether this horrible tragedy could have been prevented," burbled the reporter, "but meanwhile, the corporation has announced plans to completely rebuild the section of the waterfront that flooded yesterday, promising to start with local contracts and employment for at least fifty percent of the project. Also, authorities have confirmed that all the bodies were known gang members, prompting some to wonder whether this was actually a gang-related incident, and not, as the corporation has asserted, an accident. We go live to the scene."  
Hayden turned off the receiver, and brought up ColonyTown on her omni-tool instead.  
"I was watching that," said Garrus calmly.  
"It's boring. They want the insurance money, and they won't get it if they find any trace of foul play. Therefore, they won't find any trace of foul play."  
Garrus turned the receiver back on anyway, and watched the events of yesterday, replayed through the reporter's wide-eyed mask of innocence and regret. "...but sadly, there are no survivors. In unrelated news, the tragic suicide of a former corporate employee highlights the dangers of depression prevalent among survivors of gang violence."  
"Is there ever any good news?" he asked.  
Hayden laughed. "Why? Who would watch?" She sat down next to him, and he pulled up the game on his omni-tool for her.  
"Is there something wrong with my lap?"  
"Wasn't sure if you were busy," she mumbled, and let him pull her into his arms so that they could play.  
He waited patiently while she ran her virtual errands, knowing that she would start to talk when she wanted to and not a second before.  
"There were five of them, in the crew. They killed my brother. I killed their leader years ago, and sent the rest of them to prison. They never should have gotten out." She didn't look up as she spoke. "But they did, somehow. Probably found a loophole. Yesterday, I took out another one."  
"Your laws seem to be filled with loopholes," Garrus observed. "So, there are three left?"  
Hayden nodded.  
Garrus looked around the dingy, abandoned building where they were holed up. The outside of the building looked like it was about to come down at any second, but the inside was in much better shape. "So what are we doing here?"  
"Waiting."  
"Where did all this stuff come from?" The room was filled with dusty furnishings and boxes.  
"Trace used to use this spot to store stuff. He hid out here when his wife was mad at him. I tracked him down once and he let me use it, but he made me promise not to tell Charlie."  
Garrus tried not to react, not to show how pleased he was that she had finally mentioned the name. "Who is Charlie?"  
"Charlie," she said slowly, "was my brother's half-brother. We grew up together."  
"You didn't act like the two of you were friends when we met up with him yesterday."  
Hayden finished her errands and turned off the game. "We grew apart," she said, her voice flat and emotionless. "I'm hungry. Do you want anything?" She slid off his lap and stood up.  
Garrus stretched, to hide his disappointment. "I could use a drink," he said calmly. "But I need sleep more than anything else. Or some cuddling. Cuddling would be just as good."  
She turned back to him, with a quiet smile. "Actually, that does sound nice. Let me get some food, first."  
She handed him one of the cans from his bag, and he waited for her to finish an energy bar before he pulled her into his arms and stretched out on the couch. "Ah," he sighed with contentment. "My own personal heater," he grinned as Hayden laughed, and curled up on top of him. Garrus turned the receiver back on, and searched the movie channels for something to watch.  
He didn't realize he had fallen asleep until he heard the door close. He sat up sharply, but Hayden was right there, checking a datapad.  
"Oh, I didn't mean to wake you up," she apologized.  
"What was that?"  
"UPS guy."  
"What?"  
Hayden giggled. "Sorry, stupid Human thing. It was a delivery."  
"Who would deliver something all the way out here?"  
"UPS." She grinned. "They will deliver anything, anywhere, so long as you pay for it."  
"What were they delivering?"  
"Stuff," said Hayden slyly, "and a thing." She looked at Garrus, smiling. "I'm not gonna tell you until it's time! Now go back to sleep." Her smile softened. "Swimming a river to rescue a stranded girlfriend wears a guy out, doesn't it?"  
Garrus smiled back at her. "It was worth it."  
She came back to the couch and snuggled up to him. "Naptime."  
He woke up to a loud noise again, and sat up to look around. He didn't see Hayden until she giggled at him. Garrus grinned up at her. "What are you doing?"  
"I'm a monkey, a monkey," she sang. "I'm trying to fix a pipe." She was hanging upside down, swinging, from the exposed woodwork in the ceiling. "I dropped the wrench," she said unnecessarily, and pointed to it.  
Garrus chuckled, and walked past her to pick up the wrench. A split second too late, the thought that she didn't actually need him to pick it up flashed through his mind, right before the lights exploded behind his eyes and he slumped to the floor.  
Hayden rolled him over, knelt down beside him. "I'm sorry, Garrus." She leaned over and kissed his neck, rubbing her face against his. "I'm really sorry, but I have to do this alone to make it count." She stood, but didn't walk away, even though she knew he wouldn't be out for long. She watched him sleep, trying to work out what she was feeling. He stirred, and Hayden turned and ran away.  
Garrus groaned in misery for his own stupidity before sitting up. "How did I fall for that?" He heard a strange noise in the distance, and realized it was a motor of some kind. "Dammit, Hayden." He touched the back of his head. "Dammit."


	35. GARRUS: "HE JESTS AT SCARS THAT NEVER FELT A WOUND." (SHAKESPEARE)

Garrus staggered to his feet, still dazed by the blow. He couldn't think of what to do next, and realized that he was panicking. He took a slow breath, and tried to calm down. His communicator beeped, and he looked down at his omni-tool to identify the caller. "Finally," he said in relief. Garrus opened the comm channel. "Vakarian here."  
"Where is here, exactly? I'm a little lost." The voice was warm and familiar, and Garrus didn't think he'd ever been happier to hear it.  
"It's a big, old abandoned building. Looks like someone pinched off half of it."  
"Past the bridge?"  
"Yeah, I think. One sec, I'm going to go outside so I can give you better directions. That is, if she hasn't locked me in or something," growled Garrus.  
"What? She's gone?"  
"Yeah," Garrus opened the doors and stepped outside. It was past noon, and the heat was rolling off the water in sultry waves that made him think of Hayden. "She caught me off guard. I'll explain when you get here."  
"Oh, there you are."  
Garrus looked around. The bridge was empty.  
"Look up."  
Garrus looked up, and saw the shuttle. "What the hell is that?" He moved so that there would be room for the craft to land.  
"It's a new high intensity search and rescue shuttle that the Alliance is considering. Heavy armor, high maneuverability, crap for weapons." The door opened and Kaidan stepped out. "Hello, Garrus."  
Garrus held out his hand. "I'm very glad to see you."  
"You sound it," said Kaidan, and took his hand. "Tell me what's going on. Where is Hayden?"  
Garrus led him inside. He wasn't sure where to start, and sank into the couch, holding his head in his hands.  
"What's wrong?"  
"She knocked me out and left. I have no idea where she is now."  
Kaidan pulled up a chair, and opened his bag. He fished out an appropriate anesthetic, and handed it to Garrus. "Here." Garrus swallowed the pill, and Kaidan leaned back in his chair. "What is she doing on Earth, anyway?"  
"Getting revenge," said Garrus grimly. "On everyone."  
"For her brother's death."  
Garrus nodded.  
"I thought she was over that. Or at least, she didn't care enough about it to come back."  
Garrus tried to think. "I don't understand Humans, that's the problem. I know Hayden, but I don't … I can't put together everything she's thinking."  
"So you called me."  
Garrus nodded. "You know her better than I do. I can give you data, you can make sense of it."  
Kaidan smiled. "Okay, go ahead."  
"They were in prison, the ones who killed her brother. But they got out, somehow, and someone sent her this." Garrus pulled a small box from his armor, and opened it to show Kaidan the scrap of cloth inside. "And then she got mad, you know, that quiet angry way that she has. She dropped everything and started planning. Since she got it, she's been like that."  
Kaidan pulled the piece of cloth from the box, turned it over.  
"You see something I missed, don't you?"  
"You wouldn't have known what it was," said Kaidan. "See this white stuff on the back? It's to keep the cloth stiff, in shape. It's common on dresses for little girls. Or for people who want to dress up as little girls."  
Garrus stared at him. "What?"  
Kaidan sighed. "Um… it's a common sexual fetish for Human males." He turned the piece of cloth over in his hands again, then put it back in the box. "Hayden probably used herself as bait."  
Garrus thought about it. "Okay, I can see that. Set a trap for the man who killed her brother, and killed him. Somehow got the others sent to prison. And then they got out, and figured out that she was the one who had killed their leader, and … made a really stupid decision. I'm still missing something." Garrus shook his head.  
"You're jumping around," said Kaidan. "Someone sent her a warning that she was in danger."  
"Right. That was … oh, this is so complicated. Her brother's half-brother. He was in on it too, somehow." Garrus sighed. "I'm not doing a very good job of explaining this, am I?"  
"Charlie? Charlie was in on Trace's death?" said Kaidan in shock.  
"You knew about Charlie?"  
"Well, I knew of Charlie. He would get her stuff from Earth."  
"Fetch," said Garrus suddenly. "She called him Fetch, because that's what he did."  
Kaidan looked down, thinking. "Yeah, gang names are like that. He got people what they wanted. He probably got underage girls for the gang, and then when Hayden needed to get close to the men who killed her brother, he helped her. And when they got out of prison, they needed to get Hayden to come here, so they could kill her."  
"So they went to Charlie."  
Kaidan nodded. "Where is Charlie now?"  
"Dead. Suicide, probably. I don't think he was very happy about what he had done."  
Kaidan shook his head. "And I'm betting Hayden didn't go easy on him."  
"She treated him like a stranger. There was something else, too, about timecards." He handed one to Kaidan. "She was trying to figure something out, about who had been where, I think. This was the last one she pulled out."  
Kaidan read the name on the card. "Sommers, Charles J. That would be Charlie." He looked at the time on the card, and pulled up the local records on his Alliance-linked datapad. "Let's see. Charlie left work, and… this is the day her brother was murdered. Three hours before his death, to be exact. Tracey Shepard, gang-related violence, tortured, thrown from the top of the Central CI Residential building, thirty-two stories, dead before medics arrived."  
"Wait, that was a corporate building? How did they get in?"  
Kaidan looked at Garrus in confusion.  
"The corporate buildings have massive security. Only employees can – oh."  
"Charlie let them in. He led them to Trace."  
"No wonder Hayden was angry."  
"But where is she now? What is she up to?"  
Garrus growled in frustration. "There were three left, but she doesn't care about them, she never did. I just don't know why."  
"She's after something bigger. Something big enough to make Charlie turn on the man who protected him."  
"She couldn't have gone far," Garrus mused. "She knew I wouldn't be out that long. Oh! What's UPS? They deliver things?"  
"She got a delivery? Here?"  
Garrus nodded. "Stuff, she said. And a thing."  
"I love trying to decipher what she means from what she says." Kaidan rolled his eyes. "Let me make a few calls."  
"Monkeys. See no evil." In spite of himself, Garrus laughed. He picked up Kaidan's datapad, and read the record for himself. "Eighteen years old. And she did it all without getting caught."  
"The delivery came from the Harley-Davidson factory. She had a motorcycle shipped to her." Kaidan groaned. "She could be anywhere."  
"But she isn't," said Garrus sharply. "She's out there, getting ready to kill someone and anyone standing too close to whoever she's really after." Garrus glanced at the gleaming motorcycles on the Harley-Davidson extranet page, but they didn't mean anything to him.  
"Heh," Kaidan laughed. "I know I shouldn't laugh, but it's true." He thought for a moment. "Did she have anything to do with that flood?"  
"Yeah," sighed Garrus. "That was Hayden."  
"No wonder they couldn't find any trace of explosives. I really shouldn't be so impressed, but that woman sure knows how to make destruction sexy."  
Garrus smiled, then tried to think. "Oh. Water. Instead of fire. Why?"  
"What?"  
"Sorry, I'm trying to follow her plan. Charlie said they used to call her Sparks because she moved so fast, but now they call her Sparks because she starts fires. Only she used water this time. Why?"  
"What fire was this, I wonder," said Kaidan, and pulled up the records again. "Oh, here we are. Yeah, this has Hayden written all over it." He handed the datapad to Garrus. "Took out ten city blocks around the same residential building where Trace was killed. Everyone inside died when the power failure trapped them in the burning building."  
Garrus scanned the report. "This was before she knew it was Charlie. She didn't know who let them in, so she wouldn't let anyone get out. What's the phrase? Poetic justice."  
"She's just trying to be fair," said Kaidan gently. "So now we just have to think of what she would do to people who unfairly got out of prison, and the person who got them out."  
"In, out, she'd get them somewhere where they want to be inside, but can't get in." Garrus shrugged. "That doesn't help, but it sounds right."  
"It does," Kaidan agreed. "We're still missing something." Kaidan paced the room, unconsciously mimicking Hayden.  
"We're missing a who. Someone. We should know who she's after."  
"Right." Kaidan looked at him. "But we don't."  
"We must," Garrus insisted. "I must be forgetting something. I'm skipping around, out of order, sorry." He tried to go back over the events of the previous days. "Wait. Order."  
Kaidan raised an eyebrow as Garrus typed on his datapad.  
"She has two restraining orders against her. From a Senator and his wife." Garrus looked at Kaidan. "Your turn again." Garrus kept searching, trying to find out more about the restraining orders.  
"Right." Kaidan called the office of Senator Fairholm, identified himself and asked to speak to the Senator.  
"I'm sorry, the Senator isn't available right now," said his assistant nervously.  
"How about his wife? Is she available?" Kaidan demanded.  
"Look, we're still trying to resolve this situation without Alliance interference," said the assistant. "You have to give us some time."  
"What? What situation?"  
"The Senator's disappearance. Wait, who are you?"  
"Hang up," said Garrus suddenly.  
"I'll talk to you later," said Kaidan, and disconnected. "What is it?"  
"I'm not sure I want to save the Senator anymore," Garrus said, and handed Kaidan the datapad.  
Kaidan looked at the image and didn’t say anything.  
"What is wrong with Humanity?" Garrus asked.  
Kaidan shook his head. "We're still trying to figure that out."  
"I'm not saying Turians don't kill each other. We do. But we don't usually kill our own children."  
Kaidan looked down at the political mugshot of the smiling white-haired Senator, standing next to his beautiful Asari wife, his eyes protected from the light by dark glasses. "A novel variant," he remembered. "Her father was just a normal albino." He looked at Garrus. "I still don't understand why. Or how. He walked out on Hayden, and never even spoke to Trace. Not that she remembered, anyway."  
"Is money a good reason?"  
"It would be, if Trace had any."  
Garrus tried to remember the exact words she had used. "He was worth money. He was the only one who could track every single CI employee. He had access to all their timecards, and the system that kept track of them."  
"I can see how that would be worth money."  
"I think it was worth more for someone to make sure that no one had access."  
Kaidan looked down at the picture of the Senator again. "I think you're right."  
Garrus took the datapad back again, and went back to the Harley-Davidson site. "Dammit, Hayden, you just like to make me feel stupid, don't you." He clicked on the right model, and held it out to Kaidan. "Electra."  
"Right. Right there on the front page." Kaidan stared at the floor. "Still don't know where she is, though."  
"What was the other box?"  
"What?"  
"If the motorcycle is a thing, what was the stuff?"  
"Good point." Kaidan called the UPS office again, then a storage company.  
"Well?" Garrus asked as soon as Kaidan was done with the calls.  
"She was telling the truth," he said reluctantly. "It was just stuff. A box of old junk that had been in storage for years."  
Garrus thought. "Junk? Heavy?"  
"No, the associate who shipped it said it wasn't heavy and didn't rattle. Probably clothes." Kaidan shrugged.  
"Why would she keep someone's clothes?"  
"Hayden isn't sentimental. Well, not really. She didn't have any of Trace's clothes." Kaidan thought, trying to see inside Hayden's head again. "This is giving me a headache. The only thing I can think of is if she still had some of her father's clothes, she could use them for the scent."  
"Scent?"  
"A lot of Earth predators track by scent. I don't know what would be around here, though." Kaidan picked up the datapad again, and started searching.  
"Do wolves track by scent?" Garrus asked suddenly, and knew he was on the right track from the look on Kaidan's face. "There was something on the news, about a repopulation project in this area. A place called Wolf Run."  
"Let's go."


	36. DISLOYALTY: "WHO DRINKS OF ME WILL BE A WOLF." (FAIRY TALES, TRADITIONAL)

Kaidan landed the shuttle in a clearing, because the forest where someone had decided to reintroduce black wolves to the Southeastern seaboard was too thick to fly through. "I guess we should just follow the screaming," he said, trying to be calm.  
"That's an Asari. It's the Senator's wife," said Garrus  
"Not who we're looking for, but it's the only trail we have." Kaidan started towards the noise, then stopped as a chorus of chilling howls rippled through the forest. "Okay, that was a lot more unsettling than I thought it would be."  
"Want me to go first?" grinned Garrus.  
"What idiot decided this forest needed wolves anyway?" They walked side by side, in comfortable silence, covering each other.  
Garrus started as he saw a dark shadow flit through the underbrush. "They're surrounding us," he said in surprise. "But they're not attacking."  
"That doesn't actually make me feel better." They found a path, and followed it, trying to get closer to the screaming, which hadn't dropped in volume or quantity. "I think she's gone insane."  
"Justice."  
"What?"  
"She stood by and watched while her husband threw Hayden to the wolves. Isn't that the phrase?"  
Kaidan sighed. "Now I remember why Hayden likes you so much. You have the same warped sense of right and wrong."  
Garrus looked at him. "You don't agree?"  
"I didn't say that. But that doesn't make it right."  
"One of us isn't using that word properly."  
Kaidan smiled. "Good point."  
They entered another clearing. The Senator's wife was in a tree, screaming her head off. About thirty black and dark brown wolves were gathered at the base of the tree, watching her patiently.  
The wolves growled, then fled when they caught Garrus' alien scent.  
The Asari shrieked again, and again, then broke into wild sobs of fear. "A Turian! Thank the Goddess! Get me out of here! Get those things away!" She screamed again, then started crying helplessly.  
"Linda Fairholm?" said Garrus politely.  
She nodded between her terrified sobs.  
"I'll get her down," said Kaidan. "You keep watch." He climbed the tree, and helped her down. She clung to Kaidan, still sobbing uncontrollably. Kaidan mentally flipped a coin, and called the Alliance outpost instead of the Senator's office. "Connect me to whoever was trying to find the missing Senator."  
Garrus watched Kaidan's face.  
"We'll meet you there." Kaidan met Garrus' eyes, then looked away. "She's been arrested."  
"What? They can't arrest a – "  
Kaidan shook his head, cutting Garrus off. "Let's just go."  
They walked the Senator's wife back to the shuttle, half-carrying the terrified woman. She fainted as soon as the shuttle took off. Kaidan headed to the Alliance outpost. "I guess I should put in a preliminary report on the shuttle's performance. I'm still not done testing yet," Kaidan grinned. "What should we do with her?"  
Garrus looked at the Asari with distaste. "Can we just trade her and leave?"  
"They're still trying to find the Senator."  
Garrus turned and looked back at the wide expanse of thick forest. "In there?"  
"Yeah."  
Kaidan landed the shuttle, and Garrus lifted the Senator's wife out of the shuttle. Medics came up with a stretcher, and took her away.  
Garrus resisted the urge to wipe off his hands. "I've spent too much time with Humans," he snarled to himself. Kaidan looked at him curiously, but he shook his head and didn't explain. "Let's get this over with."  
Kaidan shrugged, and they entered the building.  
"Commander Alenko!" The official, a nervous-looking young woman ran up to him. "Thank you so much for finding Mrs. Fairholm. This situation is getting out of hand," she quickly walked down the hall, leading them to the holding cells. "The local authorities are trying to get permission to interrogate the one prisoner we have, and there is a lot of strangeness here." She looked curiously at Garrus. "And now a C-Sec officer. This is crazy."  
Kaidan paused outside the holding cell, drinking in the sight of her. She looked absurdly small, and incredibly dangerous in her gang clothes. Her hair was tucked behind her ears, and she was smiling at the angry officer in the room the way children smile at adults they have no respect for. Her hands were cuffed behind her back, and she had her feet on the only other chair in the room. He couldn't hear what the officer was saying to her, but he could tell that she was getting under his skin. The officer knocked her feet off the chair, and leaned into her personal space, threatening.  
Kaidan didn't think twice before charging into the room and pulling the officer away. "Back off," he ordered.  
Hayden started in surprise, and the mask of insolent indifference cracked for a second. "What? What are you doing here?"  
Kaidan swallowed nervously, and wondered where Garrus was, and why he hadn't followed him into the room.  
"So you're the Alliance officer they were all talking about." Hayden leaned back into her chair. "Did you find everything you were looking for?"  
Kaidan still hadn't met her eyes. He didn't know what to say.  
"I don't know who you are," said the detective. "I'm Detective KV Singh, and I am investigating the kidnapping of Senator Fairholm."  
Kaidan sighed. "Commander Kaidan Alenko," he showed his credentials to the angry detective. "Mind if I talk to her alone?"  
"Yes, I mind," snapped Singh. "I have a right to know what's going on."  
"You can mind all you want. Either you walk out now, or I'll throw you out," Kaidan snarled. He didn't care what this man thought. The only thing he cared about right now was Hayden.  
"Your superiors will hear from me," shouted Singh, but he left the room. Kaidan locked the door behind him.  
"What the hell was that?" Hayden looked at Kaidan as if she had never seen him before.  
"I've spent all day inside your head. I feel violent and I want to set something on fire."  
"Oh." Hayden tried not to smile. "Sooo…."  
"May I sit down?" he asked gently.  
"Sure. You might want to dust off the chair. My shoes are dirty."  
Kaidan brushed away the mud that her boots had left on the chair, and sat down. She was distractingly beautiful. He knew he should be thinking of something else, but all he wanted was to kiss her and tell her everything would be all right.  
"Well?" she demanded.  
"I'm … I'm thinking."  
"You used to think a lot faster."  
It suddenly struck him that he wasn't listening to her. He looked down at her shoes, lifted her feet to his lap so that he could examine the soles. They were encrusted with thick, black mud.  
She watched him, her face inscrutable, as he checked the soles of his shoes. He pulled out a small grey rock, a remnant of the graveled paths.  
Kaidan looked at her, but didn't say anything. He looked at her shoes again. "Where did you even find work boots in your size?"  
"They're boys' shoes," she answered.  
Kaidan ran a hand over the outside of the worn, dark leather, trying to pretend he wasn't caressing her. He pulled back the tongue, checking for a name or initials. He found what he was looking for, but didn't immediately take his hand away. "They look comfortable." He fixed the laces on her boots. "You must like wearing them."  
"What are you doing here?" she asked again.  
Kaidan continued looking at her boots. Her brother must have given them to her when she joined the gang. Or, knowing Hayden, she had helped herself and worn them ever since. "I'm here to help out a friend." He looked up at her face, still unreadable, then back down at the feet in his lap. "He called me for help because he was worried and didn't know what to do."  
She frowned in confusion. The door opened, and Garrus walked in. Unlike Kaidan, his eyes were on Hayden. She pulled her feet away from Kaidan and sat up in her chair.  
Garrus looked at Kaidan, then back at her. He leaned against the wall with a sigh. "I didn't know what else to do, Hayden."  
"Wasn't that door locked?" she asked.  
Garrus grinned. "The security here is terrible." He walked over and started unlocking her cuffs. "You're not going to hit me again, are you?"  
Hayden blushed. "Sorry." She rubbed her wrists, smiled gratefully. "Thanks." She stared at her toes, tapped them together, not looking at either of the men in the room. "So... what are you doing here?"  
Kaidan gritted his teeth. He didn't know what she wanted to hear, and he didn't want to talk to her like this. He stood up and opened the door. "Let's go."  
She looked up at him. "Where?" Her face was unreadable again.  
"I don't care. Anywhere but here. Let's go."  
"All of us?" she asked curiously.  
"Of course." He looked her over, trying to figure out what she was really trying to do. "I'm not doing this, not here. We're leaving. Let's go."  
"But what are you doing?" she asked again.  
"I'm trying to talk to you!" he exploded. "I want to help you, Hayden."  
She still hadn't stood up, and Garrus was still standing behind her, waiting. She looked at Kaidan again. "But... don't you have a job to do?" she said softly.  
"What?" Hayden had never been good at reading his inner decisions, he remembered. He already knew the answer, but he hadn't said it in a way she understood. "I don't care, it's not my problem. You are." He looked at her shoes again. "Besides, we'd never get there in time."  
She looked at him in surprise, and Garrus looked at him in confusion.  
"Can we leave, please? This place is giving me a headache." Kaidan walked out of the room.  
Hayden looked at Garrus, unsure, and he motioned for her to follow Kaidan. She shrugged and walked out, Kaidan taking point and Garrus covering the rear.  
"Where are your weapons?" Garrus asked.  
"They take them away when you're arrested," Hayden explained.  
"What happened to the motorcycle?" Kaidan asked.  
"Accident," she said innocently. "It fell down a hole."  
Kaidan didn't say anything to that. He got the Alliance official to return Hayden's belongings, completely ignoring the detective and all questions about the missing Senator.  
Garrus watched her put her weapons away. "Where's that ID card you use to get everywhere?"  
Hayden looked at him. "Don't you have anything better to do than stare at me all day?" She walked out of the outpost.  
Kaidan signed Hayden's release form, and he and Garrus quickly followed her. "This way," he took her arm and led her to the shuttle.  
"I'm not going to run off!" she protested.  
Kaidan and Garrus looked at each other.  
"Well, I'm not now," she amended with a quick grin. "Nice shuttle. Where are we going?"  
Garrus helped her climb in, then got in the co-pilot's seat while Kaidan started the shuttle. "We should probably get off the planet as soon as possible. What was the phrase? Overstayed our welcome? That guy looks like he's planning to arrest us all."   
"Wait!" The Senator's wife, trailed by the detective and some Alliance soldiers, ran out of the outpost. "You aren't getting away with this, you wretched little monster!" she screamed in rage. "Stop her!"  
Hayden leaned forward so that she could see. "Who is that?"  
Kaidan looked at her, trying to figure out what Hayden was thinking.  
"Get her! Where is he? Make her talk! Where is my husband?"  
"Who?" Hayden looked at Garrus and Kaidan, her face a perfect mask of innocent confusion. "She seems really angry. What is she talking about?"  
"She's Senator Fairholm's wife," Kaidan explained, watching for her reaction.  
"Oh," said Hayden slowly. "Yeah, I'd heard he was married to an Asari, but I've never met her." Hayden looked innocently out at her, noted the tears of rage and grief streaming down her pretty face. "Like I told the cop, I haven't been near the Senator."  
Garrus laughed before he could stop himself. "Near," he repeated.  
Hayden continued her sweet and innocent act. "Well, certainly not within five hundred yards."  
"What?" The Asari stared at Hayden. "What did you just say?"  
Hayden smiled sweetly, and leaned back in her seat. Kaidan shook his head, and closed the shuttle doors.  
"Wait!" The woman screamed again, but Kaidan ignored her and took off. She continued screaming, uselessly, helplessly, until she collapsed to the ground. By then, Hayden was already far out of her reach.  
"Where are we going?" Hayden repeated, smiling brightly.  
Kaidan tried not to smile. "Garrus is right. We should get off-world before they try to arrest us all. We'll go pick up your things and go to Shanghai."  
"You're not headed back to the hideout," she observed.  
"Just taking in the view," Kaidan assured her. "I've never seen woods like these before. I thought Garrus might like to take one last look before we leave."  
Garrus looked over the forest, trying to find it before Kaidan did.  
"Do you even know what you're looking for?" she asked calmly.  
"Not exactly," Kaidan confessed. "But knowing you, it's big enough to be seen from up here."  
"And it would be at least five hundred yards across," Garrus added.  
Hayden laughed, and leaned back in the seat. "You two really did spend all day in my head."  
"There," Garrus pointed at a large hole in the forest. An unnaturally perfect circle. "That wasn't there before." The edges of the hole were muddy and dark. "Looks like the ground just sank away."  
Kaidan hovered in place, but didn't move the shuttle any closer. Dark shadows flitted around the edge of the hole, hidden in the underbrush. Wolves, Kaidan guessed to himself. "Abandoned mine shaft?"  
Hayden smiled.  
"Doesn't look like anyone tried to climb out," said Garrus. "Cowards."  
Hayden shrugged. "Maybe they like it down there. You could go check."  
"No," said Kaidan. "The shafts are extremely unsafe. They collapse a lot."  
Garrus looked at Hayden curiously. "Why would you want us to look?"  
She shrugged again. "I thought you were supposed to be finding some missing guy, or something."  
"Stop making me repeat myself, Hayden. I told you, I don't care. Let him rot down there."  
Hayden looked out the window without speaking.  
"Hayden, I didn't come here for him. I came here for you and Garrus. I'll show you my paperwork if you want."  
She looked at him, suddenly interested. "Are you on vacation?"  
"Sort of a roving commission." Kaidan landed the shuttle. He helped Hayden out, and didn't let go of her hand.  
"I told you, I'm not going to run off. You don't have to hold on to me."  
He looked at her. "I'm not going to run off either. Not this time."  
Hayden smiled, suddenly nervous, and looked away. But she didn't try to pull away.  
Garrus checked the back seat before getting out.  
"Find anything?" asked Kaidan.  
"Sort of," Garrus held out a small tracking device. "Think she'll go check the hole? Or come after us?"  
Hayden looked at it in irritation. "She wasn't listening, was she?"  
Garrus smiled at her. "I was jamming the audio transmission, except for the part where we said we found it."  
"You know," Kaidan took the bug from him, dropped it and crushed it, "you're very mean sometimes. You just make up your mind not to like people, and then you hate them forever."  
"You don't like her either!" Garrus protested.  
"Well, no," Kaidan admitted. "But I'll forgive and forget her when she's dead. You two will just keep on hating her. It's not healthy."  
Hayden walked up to the door. "Oh, dammit." She pulled off the little yellow notice. "I missed the UPS guy."  
"Another delivery?" said Garrus curiously.  
"We either have to wait a day or go pick it up." She handed the notice to Kaidan. "It's my wallet."  
Kaidan looked at it. "Why did you mail yourself your wallet?"  
Hayden hummed a little song to herself as she walked into the hideout, and didn't answer.  
Garrus followed her, and Kaidan followed him. "That's why she got arrested," said Garrus suddenly. "No ID, she couldn't prove who she was. They wouldn't have tried to arrest a Spectre."  
"Good point. If they hadn't arrested her, they might have found the hole too early." Kaidan watched her pull out cans of energy drinks from the bags. She handed one to Kaidan and one to Garrus, making sure she hadn't mixed them up, then opened her own. "Thank you."  
Hayden sat down on the couch, and pulled up ColonyTown on her omni-tool. "Can I check something on your account, Garrus?"  
"In a minute." Hayden looked at him in surprise, and Garrus grinned. "Kaidan's right, I am mean. I want to know where she went."  
Kaidan sat down with a sigh. "Fine, where did she go?"  
Garrus checked the reports from his own tracking device. "She went to go try and save her husband."  
"Well, that's the end of her, isn't it?" Kaidan finished his drink. "Oh, I needed that. I didn't realize how hungry I was. You don't have any food in there, do you?"  
Hayden blinked at him in surprise. "You're not mad." She turned off the game.  
"No, I'm hungry."  
She handed him an energy bar.  
"Thanks." He ate and let her watch him. Garrus paced nervously for a bit, then sat down on the floor between them. "What?" said Kaidan finally.  
"Nothing," said Hayden quickly. "I don't understand you. I never did."  
"I'm sorry," he said simply. "I know it's hard for you. I try not to be confusing, but," he shrugged. "It doesn't always work."  
Hayden turned the can around in her hands, thinking.  
"Just say it, already," said Kaidan wearily.  
Hayden flushed. "I'm trying not to make you mad."  
"I'll say it, then," Garrus offered. "Kaidan, what are you doing here?"  
Kaidan threw his wrapper at Garrus. "You know what I'm doing here! You called me in a panic, and told me you were worried about Hayden." He looked at her, but she was focused on reading the nutrition label on her drink. "You said you were scared, that she was trying to kill herself, and you didn't know what to do."  
Hayden looked at Garrus, and Garrus looked back at her.  
"Well, that's what it looked like. If I hadn't been with you, you would have been killed. And you kept trying to get rid of me."  
Hayden went back to reading her can.  
"I asked for a leave of absence," Kaidan continued. "My new boss asked me where I was going, and gave me a roving commission instead, in case I needed to pull rank. Which turned out to be the case, so I guess that worked out." He pulled out his credentials and handed them to Hayden. "I had no idea what I was getting into. I came here for you, because Garrus asked me to."  
Hayden set the cards down on the couch without reading them. "That's why you came here. What are you doing now?" She looked from Kaidan to Garrus, then back to Kaidan again. "What happens now?"  
Garrus looked at her again, drinking in the alien softness of her face, the familiar curves. "I know why you did it. I can't say that I wouldn't have done the same. Sitting here, I think you went a little overboard, but I didn't grow up where you did. I didn't see the same things. I understand, as far as I can. If that helps."  
"It does," she said softly. She looked at him, quickly, then back at her can.  
"I hate what happened to you," said Kaidan. He reached out, and took the can from her. "Look at me. Don't shut me out."  
"I'm not," she protested. "Am I?"  
"You're going to, because I'm going to say something that upsets you." He held her hand, and tried to meet her eyes. She looked down, at his hand, and Kaidan decided not to push her any farther.  
"Oh."  
"I don't hate you. I don't blame you for being angry. I'm not mad at you for lashing out at the people who hurt you. I'm just... disappointed. I'm angry with the people who had a chance to help you, but let you grow up twisted, and hating yourself."  
"Don't," she said warningly.  
"He made a mistake, Hayden. I know you loved Trace," Hayden tried to pull away, but he wouldn't let her. "You needed a family. Not a job, not schooling. You needed him." He pulled her hand a little closer to him. "Just like you need me. Us. I shouldn't have abandoned you either. I'm sorry." She sobbed, and a tear fell onto his hand. "I'm so sorry, Hayden."  
"Why?" she whispered. "Why are you in love with me? I'm a horrible person, I'm a murderer," she sobbed, speaking so quietly he could barely hear her. "Why don't you just leave and find someone normal?"  
"Because I love you. But that's not enough, is it?" he mused. "I'm not sure what you want to hear."  
"Is that why Trace sent you away?" asked Garrus.  
Hayden didn't answer, just let out another heartbroken sob.  
"He did," said Garrus, trying not to be angry. "But you loved him anyway."  
"And he got killed before you could explain yourself, or understand him." Kaidan smiled. "I understand a little better now." He reached out, and brushed the tears away from her face. "Hayden, honey, I'm not your brother. I know what you've done." He tilted her head up so she could see his eyes. "And I don't care. I love you anyway. Possibly, I love you because of it. I'm not sure what that says about me," he laughed. "But it's true."


	37. KAIDAN: "IF IN THIS HEART A HOPE BE DEAR" (BYRON)

Kaidan sat down next to her on the battered old couch, and pulled her to him. She sank into his arms, and he held her while she cried away her pain.  
"I didn't know," she said brokenly, "I didn't know I was different. I didn't know little girls weren't supposed to be able to kill grownups. I didn't know you were supposed to feel guilty about killing people. I didn't know."  
Hayden wiped away some of her tears, then reached out for Garrus, held his hand while Kaidan held her.  
"They were all scared of me," she said softly. Her lips trembled, and she bit back another sob. "I – He didn't know what to do with me. He didn't want to have me locked up. He didn't want me to go to prison. So he asked someone with the Alliance, this doctor. And they said they could help, they would take care of me." She dropped her head, her hair falling like a curtain from behind her ears and covering her face. "The only thing was, they told him he had to promise never to see me again." She choked back an anguished sob. "So he did. I know, it was because of the gang, I know that now. But I didn't know." She shook her head. "I didn't know … anything. I was so stupid!"  
Kaidan kissed her hair, and stroked her back, trying to calm her. He tried to control his own anger at the terrible betrayal, the mishandling, the damage they had done to her. "It's not your fault, Hayden." He kissed her hair again, knowing how much she treasured physical contact.  
"All I wanted, all I needed to do was find him and make it right. I wanted to go home. But they killed him!" She broke down, clutching convulsively at Garrus' hand.  
Kaidan held her tighter, whispered her name.  
"I didn't know what else to do. I didn't know how to make it right. It was all so, so - unfair." She sniffled a little, and Kaidan wiped her face with his shirt. "So I fixed it. Or at least, I thought I did. I felt better, and then, I just didn't feel anything. For a really long time. Nobody seemed to care that I was different anymore. I served on a bunch of ships, chasing pirates and slavers. Some people hated it, they would have nightmares from seeing all the bodies or the wrecked colonies, but I didn't care. So I got moved up and got to fight them on the front lines. I was good at it. Really good.  
"And then… they needed someone who would understand. Someone who wouldn't feel bad at killing a few people to save a lot. Someone who would make the slavers think twice about attacking human colonies. Someone who wouldn't wake up screaming at night after doing their job." She paused and looked at Kaidan, her eyes swollen with tears. "Why are they all four letters, Kaidan? Does it make the boxes easier to fit into or something?"  
"What?" He brushed her hair out of her face. "I'm not sure what you're asking."  
"PTSD. They didn't want to deal with it. It makes bad heroes." She was still looking at him, watching his eyes as she spoke. "So they found someone with ASPD instead. Because they wouldn't be affected. Not by the killing, anyway. And that's all that mattered."  
Kaidan didn't say anything. His mind was spinning, grinding to a halt.  
"I didn't go crazy after Torfan. I know what you thought. Everybody thinks that. Well, almost everybody," she corrected herself. She brushed away her tears. "They sent me to Torfan because I was already screwed up. Highly functional, upper spectrum, anti-social personality disorder." Her voice was calm again. Her eyes fell, unable to read what Kaidan was feeling. "Or if you're lazy, a psychopath."  
She took her hand away from Garrus, stood up, wiped her face again. She didn't look at them, and instead started pacing.  
Kaidan watched her feet as she walked, trying to think, trying to process what she had just said.  
"Shouldn't someone have…" Garrus didn't finish the sentence. He wasn't sure if it was the right thing to say.  
Hayden gave a short little laugh. "Have what? Noticed?" She shook her head. "They did notice. They knew." She glanced at Kaidan from under her lashes, but kept pacing restlessly. "They knew," she repeated. "They needed me just the way I am. They taught me how to act so I could sit down in a classroom without hurting anyone when I got frustrated. They taught me how to control my temper long enough to make it to the Principal's office when I was angry. They covered up my incidents at school. They buried complaints about me. They gave me my own teachers, my own classes, taught me anything I wanted to know to keep me from being bored so I wouldn't start fires. And when they were done teaching me, they sent me to go kill their enemies." She stopped pacing. "You really never noticed? You never wondered why I was friends with a violent alien and hated someone who had been in the same Academy class as me?"  
Kaidan looked at her. Really looked at her. Trying to see a monster in her, hiding somewhere behind the beauty. But he couldn't. "But why?" he said softly. "Why didn't they just help you?"  
She shook her head. "They can't, you know that. Besides, why would they? They'd just lose one of their best weapons."  
"You're a human being, not a weapon," he said sharply. There was a blur of movement, and a rush of noise. It took him a second to realize that Garrus had tackled her, and they were rolling on the floor. Kaidan ran over to them, still trying to figure out what had just happened.  
"Fine, whatever, get off. Get off me, Garrus, I'm not going to fight both of you," she said bitterly. Hayden stopped struggling, and dropped the knife in her hand.  
"What were you doing?" Garrus demanded.  
"Trying to prove a point."  
Kaidan picked up the knife, and Garrus stood up. Kaidan helped her to her feet, then held the knife out to her. "Here."  
Hayden stared at him. "What are you doing? What is wrong with you?" she shouted.  
Kaidan smiled a little. "I'm confusing you again, aren't I? I'm sorry. Take it."  
She snatched the knife back, and hid it in her sleeve again as she started pacing back and forth.  
"Hayden. Are you planning to kill me?"  
She shook her head. "No."  
"Then why are you angry?"  
She made an angry little noise of frustration, and kept pacing, didn't answer.  
Garrus sighed. "Hayden, I know you still love him." He looked down at the ground, and forced himself to continue. "I would never leave you, not alone. But I'd leave you with him."  
"No," said Kaidan firmly. "That's not what I came here for, Garrus. I didn't come here to take her away from you."  
"I know," said Garrus quietly. "It would be easier if you had."  
"I don't want either of you to leave!" she screamed. "I'm not going to choose! This is your fault," she raged at Garrus. "Why didn't you just leave it alone?"  
"Because I'd rather lose you to Kaidan than lose you forever." He watched her eyes, saw her anger melt away.  
"You…" she turned away, started pacing again. Then she suddenly turned back, and handed him the knife before she started walking around aimlessly.  
Kaidan looked at Garrus, unsure of what to do.  
Garrus shrugged. "Say something, Kaidan."  
"Something."  
Hayden giggled, and sat down on the couch again.  
"Be serious, Kaidan."  
"I can't," he protested. "This is stupid. Are we seriously arguing to see who gets to give up the woman we both love?"  
Garrus glared at him. "That sounds really dumb when you say it that way."  
"It is dumb. You want to make some noble sacrifice, like some weird interspecies Romeo and Juliet thing. But Hayden needs you."  
"Garrus needs you, too." She looked at Garrus, then at Kaidan. "And you need him."  
Kaidan opened his mouth to say something, but closed it again without speaking.  
"She's right," said Garrus slowly.  
"Well, that's a whole new dimension of weirdness." Kaidan looked at Garrus, as if he had never seen him before. "I don't really know what to say."  
"Say you'll stay," suggested Garrus.  
Kaidan looked over at Hayden. She was watching him, her face silent and still, waiting for him to decide. "I – this isn't going to be easy, for any of us." He looked back at Garrus. "But I'm willing to try it if you are. If you want me to." He held out his hand to Garrus, and to his surprise, Garrus pulled him into a hug.  
"You idiot," Garrus growled.  
He was warm, and Kaidan was surprised to find that it wasn't nearly as odd as he had expected. "I wasn't sure," said Kaidan lamely. Garrus let him go, and they stepped away from each other.  
Hayden picked up Kaidan's cards from the floor, where they had fallen. She turned them over, amusing herself by reading his documents before handing them back to him. Suddenly she flipped the card over, and started reading the whole mission statement.  
"Hayden?"  
She looked up at Kaidan. "Oh, sorry. I almost forgot that I ruined your mission." She handed him his cards.  
Kaidan shook his head. "Not really." He put them away. "Preventing 'destabilization' is so open-ended, I'm sure I can write a report that makes it sound like I actually helped," he laughed.  
"Do you like your new boss? He uses such weird words."  
"I haven't met him yet," Kaidan shrugged. "I don't even know if the change is permanent, or if it was just really bad timing."  
"We should get going," said Hayden. "We need to get to the UPS depot before they close."  
"You don't want to stay here tonight?"  
Hayden shook her head.  
Garrus grinned. "It would be nice to return to civilization."  
Hayden smiled, and started picking up her things and putting them in her bag. Kaidan picked up the empty cans and wrappers, and helped her carry her bag to the shuttle.  
"Oh, wait a second." She carried her bag back inside, and stepped behind a folding screen. "No peeking."  
Kaidan and Garrus looked at each other, and laughed. Garrus leaned over the screen. "Are you keeping the pants?"  
"I said, no peeking!"  
Kaidan leaned around the other side, and watched her pull her tunic over her head. "He's got a point about the pants, though."  
Hayden straightened her clothes, then folded her old gang clothes and shoved them into her bag. "Just for that, one of you has to carry it." She pointed to her bag, and Garrus picked it up with a grin. "Okay, let's go."


	38. KAIDAN: "THAT SOUND SHALL CHARM IT FORTH AGAIN." (BYRON)

Kaidan started entering coordinates. "We have to stop in Hong Kong first, I have to return this shuttle. Might as well put in a preliminary report while I'm there. That will be fun."  
Hayden looked up. "What? He's here?"  
"My boss? Yeah. Alliance Intelligence is based on Earth, you know that." Kaidan looked at her. "Is everything okay?"  
Hayden nodded, and looked down at her hands, tried not to move them nervously.  
Garrus laid his hand over hers. "Hayden?"  
She looked up at him and smiled. "One sec." She pulled away, and searched in her bag. She had to pull out things to find what she was looking for, and finally came up with a flat box, the kind that banks use for safekeeping. "Here, you can give this to your boss," she offered.  
"What is that?" Kaidan eyed the box. It looked old and battered, but it was a top of the line document safe, with multiple locks and a setting that would destroy the contents if any attempt was made to compromise the security.  
Hayden looked at him calmly. "It will help you prove you succeeded at your mission."  
Kaidan laughed. "Okay, but what is it?"  
"It's a box," she said patiently.  
"Hayden."  
"It's a locked box," she offered. "If you were supposed to know what was inside, it would be an unlocked box."  
Kaidan set down the box with a sigh.  
"Can I shake it?" asked Garrus curiously.  
"Yes."  
Garrus did so, and tried to identify the unfamiliar noise. He looked at Kaidan, who shook his head.  
"It's not anything bad," Hayden said impatiently.  
"What am I supposed to do with it, Hayden? Just give him the box and wing it?"  
Hayden looked out the window of the shuttle. "He'll be able to open it. He knows who I am."  
Kaidan turned around to look at her, but Hayden was watching the sky. He turned back to Garrus, not sure if he should be worried. Garrus shrugged.  
Hayden didn't speak until they approached Hong Kong. "I'm going to the mainland, I want to do some shopping. Are we taking the train to Shanghai or flying? We should get our tickets now, if we're taking the train. That way we can get a private car."  
Kaidan didn't answer immediately.  
"I'd rather take the train. The scenery here is nice. And there will be more room for Garrus. But flying is faster. Do you think the Alliance will let us charter a shuttle?"  
"You've been here before," said Kaidan slowly.  
Hayden nodded, stopped herself from chattering nervously.  
"Can I ask when?"  
"You can," she smiled sweetly, "but I won't answer."  
"Right." Kaidan put the mysterious box in his bag. "I'll see if I can get a shuttle chartered, otherwise we can take the train. I'm sure we'll be able to get a private car anytime we need to." He looked at Garrus and smiled. "They'll probably be very accommodating. Can I see your omni-tool for a second?" He didn't wait for Garrus to answer, but took his arm and started entering some information.  
"My arm is not a toy," said Garrus with mock severity. "What is it with you two?"  
"Just making sure you can find me, and I can find you, when I'm all done. There." He grinned at Garrus, then at Hayden. "I'll see you later."  
"What? No hug? No kiss goodbye?"  
Kaidan stared at Garrus. "What?"  
"You're always supposed to kiss or hug when you're leaving," said Hayden calmly, and waited. "That's the origin of the word 'goodbye.'"  
Even though he knew no one was paying any particular attention to them, Kaidan still blushed. "Right. Sorry." He moved his bag, nervously, then forced himself to step forward, and gave Garrus a warm hug. "You better be here when I get back," he said softly.  
Garrus grinned at him. "That wasn't so bad, was it?"  
Kaidan ignored him, and gave Hayden a quick hug, giving her a soft kiss on her hair. "That's all you get for now," he whispered, "we still have to talk."  
Hayden smiled at him. "That's fair." She stood with Garrus, watching him as he walked to the Alliance transit station that would take him to the main base on the Central part of the island. She smiled slyly at Garrus as soon as Kaidan was out of sight.  
"Not a word, Hayden."  
"So, you don't have a thing for Humans."  
"Look, a civilized restaurant," said Garrus, pointing to a noodle shop that was proudly advertising its new Dextro menu for Quarian and Turian guests. "Let's go eat something." He didn't answer her comment, but he couldn't stop smiling either.  
They shouldered their bags, Hayden put her arms in his, and they went to the restaurant.  
Kaidan walked into the office. His new boss was a political officer, not a field agent. He had no combat record to speak of, and the office was that of a gentleman rather than a warrior. Everything was perfectly tailored, old-fashioned, tasteful, and expensive. Kaidan shifted the box to his other hand so he could salute.  
"What do you have there, Commander?" he greeted Kaidan with a salute and a friendly nod, indicating one of the comfortable leather chairs.  
"It's a box," said Kaidan dryly. "That's really all I know, sir." He laid the box on the desk, with the lock facing the Admiral. "Commander Shepard asked me to give it to you as proof that I had succeeded at my mission."  
"Did she," he said absently, running his elegantly manicured fingers over the edge of the box. "Impressive lock."  
"She also said you would be able to open it."  
Admiral Shan looked up at him. "What did she say, exactly?"  
"You do know her."  
The Admiral smiled to himself. "We've met. In the past."  
"You know her well enough to know that she means what she says."  
"Yes, and says what she means." He smiled again. "And what did she say about this box?" he asked again.  
"She said, you'd be able to open it. 'He knows who I am.'"  
"Ah." The Admiral pulled the box a little closer to him, and typed a few characters on the control panel, and the lock disengaged. He moved his hands to work off the lid, but Kaidan placed a hand on the box before he could open it.  
"How do you know who she is, Admiral?"  
He looked up at Kaidan again, his eyes wide with pretended surprise. "Really, Commander. Are you asking how an Admiral of the Systems Alliance knows the first Human Spectre? Of course I know who Commander Shepard is. Everyone does."  
"You didn't answer my question," Kaidan snarled.  
"On the contrary, Commander, I think you'll find that I answered your question quite thoroughly, and much more politely than you deserve in the circumstances." He looked at Kaidan's hand. "If you don't mind, Commander?"  
Kaidan stepped away from the desk, barely keeping his frustration in check. He didn't sit down, but stood at attention with his hands behind his back, trying to think. The top of the box was stuck, and Admiral Shan was slowly working it open with a letter opener.  
"Would I get a different answer if I asked how Lawrence Shan knows Hayden Shepard?"  
The Admiral put down the letter opener, and leaned back in his chair. "You're not going to let this go, are you, Alenko?" He tapped his long, elegant fingers together, and regarded Kaidan as if he were an exotic insect under glass.  
"How does Lawrence Shan know Hayden Shepard?"  
The Admiral laughed, soft and slight. "I had an affair with her, of course."  
"You what?" Kaidan was genuinely shocked.  
"What, you think you're the only one who's attracted to broken, pretty things?" He laughed again, quietly mocking. "Stop being such an ass, Alenko. Yes, I was her superior officer. Believe me, I've heard the speech already. Unlike you, we parted as friends. And it appears, we're still friends." He tried one more time, and finally opened the box, ignoring Kaidan's anger. "Yes," he murmured, "we're still friends. Sit down, Alenko."  
"I'll stand," growled Kaidan.  
"You'll sit, Commander. And you'll stay quiet while I talk." He waited for Kaidan to sit before he pulled out the two books in the box. "You don't know what these are, do you?"  
"No, sir, I don't."  
The Admiral held up the first one. "Programming manual for a limited use series of mechs." He pulled up a screen on the wall behind him, but left it blank and empty. "Used only by one company, for one specific purpose, protecting their corporate record storage system. You've heard of the CI MUNINs, yes? The brain-dead mechs that no one knows how to fix? There are supposed to be less than a thousand of them, and if there are, then the fact that no one can alter their programming without having them self-destruct is insignificant." He looked at the manual. "This is the only copy, outside of Hayden's head, that is." He pulled out a piece of paper from the front of the book. "And here's the problem with the company's claim of how many MUNINs they have. An order form demanding one mech for every record storage center that the company owns."  
"And how many storage centers do they have?"  
The Admiral looked at the ceiling for a moment. "Standard corporate policy states there would be one center for every headquarters, and one for every corporate installation with more than one hundred employees on the payroll." He sighed. "And then the corporate double-speak starts." He typed something on his desk, and the display behind him changed to a world map. "How many offices does CI admit to owning?" The screen lit up with a series of red dots. "Which is not the same as how many offices we think they own." A number of blue dots appeared as well, almost doubling the number of offices on the map. "But that's where this book comes in." He pulled out a plain black binder. "Corporate ownership papers. I'm not going to go into the legal reasons why this is different than the papers that they provide the government. Taxes are involved, as well as complicated mergers so that they can dodge liability. Suffice to say, this list is a bit more extensive." He opened the book, and started typing. The screen flickered, reset itself, and began placing red dots again. There were a lot more this time.  
"Why is the map flashing?"  
"The main difference, is that this list has their offworld holdings. CI likes to position itself as an 'Earth-only' corporation. Obviously untrue, but it gets them good press." The Admiral expanded the map to show an inset for the map of the galaxy. "Mergers, acquisitions, controlling interests. CI gets around."  
"I'm not clear on why this is at all important."  
"No?" The Admiral kept typing. "You're not seeing the big picture. Perhaps you've forgotten what CI does for a living?"  
Kaidan tried to think, still staring at the map. "They make industrial chemicals. Polymers for buildings, gases for processing plants, things like that."  
"True. Anything else you know about them?"  
"They're really good at dodging responsibility for their disasters."  
"Yes, they've had a lot of practice." The map on the wall continued updating, adding dots here and there. "They've been responsible – morally, if not legally – for some of the worst industrial disasters in Human history." The map flickered again, and updated itself one more time, showing red dots on every world in the galaxy.  
"Wouldn't that be out of date?" Kaidan asked. "What if they sold something?"  
"Oddly enough, CI has never divested itself of a corporate purchase for the last twenty years, or so."  
Kaidan blinked in surprise and looked back at the map. "So they own all that?"  
The Admiral nodded.  
"But why would Hayden – " he stopped, and looked at the map again. "She wouldn't. She wouldn't do it, not even to get back at the company for being unfair. She wouldn't do it." He stared at the sea of red dots. Kaidan tried not to think about how many lives they represented.  
The Admiral looked at the box. "Well, it doesn't matter now. We control every remaining copy of the MUNIN manual, and we can finally reprogram the mechs safely."  
Kaidan looked at the Admiral. "You don’t control every copy," he said slowly. "Hayden still knows how to reprogram them."  
"I picked up a bad habit years ago, Commander. I say what I mean, and I mean what I say. And I hate repeating myself."  
Kaidan stood. "What have you done?"  
"Sit down," said the Admiral wearily. "She knew this was coming, she wouldn't have given you the box otherwise. Certainly not with the right passcode for the lock."  
"I don't care! I'm not going to let you get away with destroying her again!"  
"Commander – "  
"Shut up!" he raged. "You don't move faster than I can think, Admiral, and I will kill you if you try to stop me."  
The Admiral blinked in surprise, and kept his hands still.  
Kaidan grabbed his bag and ran out of the office. He headed for the elevators, and started working quickly with his omni-tool. The guards on this level hadn't been alerted yet, and he overrode the elevator commands to run express. Kaidan ran his hands through his hair while he waited for the elevator to reach the main floor. Why? Why had Hayden given up?  
He put up a biotic barrier before the doors opened, and ran for the entrance. Someone yelled at him to stop, but he kept running.  
"We have orders to shoot, Commander! The exits are sealed."  
Kaidan snarled, and fired a tech blast at the fire sensor, overloading it. The system fizzed, and the alarms went off. The sprinkler started spewing water into the room as the same time as the fire suppression system started spraying foam. Kaidan didn't stop, and ran through the doors which were now locking into the open position. Once outside, he kept running, and trying to plan out what to do next.


	39. DISLOYALTY: "ALL THIS MIGHTY HOST HAS BEEN SLAIN BY THE FAIR PRINCESS MARYA MOREVNA." (FAIRY TALES, TRADITIONAL)

Hayden sipped at her tea, and listened to Garrus rave about the food with a pleased smile. Some more Turians entered the restaurant, and Garrus looked up in surprise. "Do you know them?" she asked curiously.  
"Yeah," he said absently, "I'll be right back, I'm just going to go say hello."  
"I'll be here," she grinned, and watched him walk away. Loud, surprised greetings were exchanged between Garrus and the crew, and Hayden looked away. She looked down at the table. Her bowl and utensils had been taken away, and she carefully pushed the unused chopsticks to the other side of the table.  
"Hello, Hayden," said a friendly voice.  
Hayden looked up. "Hello, Doctor. How are you today?"  
The doctor smiled politely. "I'm doing well. I was rather surprised to be called out here."  
She looked up at him. "Really? Why?"  
"Why am I surprised? Because I don't think this is going to work out the way that everyone expects."  
She frowned. "What do you mean?"  
The doctor smiled again. "You said you would come quietly once they got your friends away." He readjusted his glasses, calmly watching Garrus' back. "And if your friends refuse to leave?"  
"Well," said Hayden nervously, "they wouldn't hurt them, would they? But – why would – it's for the best, right? I mean - if Kaidan goes, Garrus will go. It shouldn't be a problem." She looked at her cup of tea. "Would it?"  
"That depends on a lot of variables." The doctor looked down at her, still standing by the side of her table. "I think I'll sit down over here." He crossed the aisle and sat down calmly at an unused table.  
Hayden twisted in her chair, in time to see Garrus pull out his assault rifle, covering the Turians who had greeted him.  
"Hayden! Get to the door! Kaidan's outside!"  
Hayden made a small noise of surprise. She looked over at the doctor, who was reading the menu with apparent unconcern.  
"You should probably get going, Hayden." The doctor smiled.  
"Really?" she asked doubtfully.  
The doctor nodded. "Yes, really."  
She grabbed their bags and sprinted for the door, heard Garrus behind her. They raced into the street.  
"North," said Garrus, and took his bag from her so they could keep running. They turned, and saw Kaidan.  
Hayden being Hayden, said the first thing that entered her mind. "You can't park that here."  
"Get in here," he shouted, and practically threw her into the drop shuttle. "Garrus, we have to go!"  
Garrus jumped in, and shut the doors. "Ready!"  
"Kaidan, are you sure you know what you're doing?" asked Hayden uncertainly. "I mean, really sure?"  
"What am I doing?" he shouted as he sent the shuttle flying up. "What the hell were you thinking? They were going to kill you, and you were just going to let them?"  
"What?" Garrus said sharply. "What do you mean, kill her? What are you talking about?"  
Hayden sighed. "I wanted to see what would happen if I tried to do the right thing. I don't think they would have killed me, though."  
"Trust me, Hayden, they were willing to kill."  
She flopped back into her seat with a sigh. "Well, at least I know the answer to my question. You should let Garrus pilot so you can claim you were kidnapped."  
"I swear, Hayden, if you try to get rid of me one more time, I will slap you." Kaidan was practically shaking with rage.  
"Kaidan. Go sit with her, I'll get us out of here." Garrus took the controls.  
"Where are we going?" Hayden asked calmly.  
Kaidan moved to one of the cabin seats, and buried his head in his hands. "I don't know. I just wanted to get you away from them. Hayden, what… I don't even know where to begin."  
Hayden looked at him. "I think we should go to Jupiter."  
"Good idea, we can hide out for a while." Garrus entered the destination.  
"I have such a headache from dealing with you," Kaidan snarled. "I have to replay every single conversation in my head a hundred times to figure out what the hell you are trying to do, and I still don't have any idea why you would basically tell the Alliance that it was okay to kill you."  
Hayden looked at her toes, and didn’t answer.  
Garrus shook his head. "What? Hayden, what is going on?"  
Kaidan rested his arms on his legs. Suddenly he raised his head, and looked at her. "What question? What question did you need the answer to that was worth all this?"  
Hayden looked at him, and just smiled. "I don't think I can answer that in a way that makes sense to you."  
"Hayden! I deserve better than that," he snarled.  
"Well, I'll try," she said sweetly. "I just don't know if it will make any sense." She stepped forward and took Kaidan's head in her hands, and bent down to him for a kiss. It took him an instant to realize what she was doing, and he surged up to take her in his arms, to pull her close and draw her into a soul-searing kiss.  
She buried her hands in his hair, held him close, kissing him with her lips and every part of her body that she could press against him.  
"Hayden," he whispered, "Hayden, I missed you so much." He kissed her again, drinking in the taste of her lips, the love in her embrace. "I love you, Hayden. I can't live without you."  
"Oh," she said in surprise. "It did make sense!"  
Kaidan laughed, and kissed her one more time. She seemed so absurdly small, looking up at him, her lips curved in a half-smile, bright blue eyes shining.  
"I love you, and Garrus, and I need both of you." She looked over at Garrus, who grinned. "I get unbalanced without both of you."  
"You don't say," Garrus smiled.  
"I thought I would be okay just knowing you were somewhere out there, but it wasn't working. I wanted to talk to you. I wanted to tell you things, and I couldn't." She shook her head, trying to clear it. "I wanted to kiss you, and ask you about things, and I wanted to tell Garrus but I couldn't find the words," she sighed guiltily. "Everything was going fine until Charlie called me home, and I had to think about things I hadn't thought of in a long time. Nothing made sense anymore. I wasn't sure what was right, or if I was being fair. To either of you. Or to me, for that matter."  
Kaidan kissed her again. "So, is it all cleared up now?"  
She nodded happily.  
"That's great," Kaidan smiled at her. "We can all sit down and talk, just like old times. As soon as we get out of this mess, anyway."  
"Oh," she said simply. "Right." She moved up to the pilot's area and sat down on Garrus' lap. "I need to check something." She pulled up ColonyTown, and the little Mayor avatar skipped happily down the main street.  
"Hayden, what are you doing?" asked Garrus. "Oh, you just love making me feel stupid, don't you?"  
"What? No," she shook her head, "it's just…planning, and thinking. Taking risks. I see different things than you do." Her avatar danced happily with the Village Sage. "So, where are we right now?" She looked at the map, and then sent the information through the game to EDI. "She'll be here in a few minutes." She sent her avatar skipping back to the Mayor's house, and looked at the building critically. "She wants Kaidan to be a chaplain so we can build a church and have weddings."  
Garrus burst out laughing. "I'm infected. My first thought was wondering what gifts I could give him."  
Kaidan raised an eyebrow. "What?"  
"Come here, I'll install the game so you can get set up." Garrus held out his arm to Kaidan, and Hayden moved slightly so that Kaidan could lean against Garrus, and they could all see each other's omni-tools. It should have been stranger. Humans, dark and light, resting on an alien, their arms around each other, their faces lit up by the orange glow, against the backdrop of space. But they were friends, and lovers, and in the end, nothing else mattered.


End file.
